Parenting is a hilarious job!
Parenting is a hilarious job, which is a very good thing, since it is also an emotionally draining job! Here are some funny things I have heard this week:
1.) Alan: No, Dan, no. We don’t ever bite the toilet. We don’t ever put our mouth on the toilet.
(Seriously. You can’t make this stuff up!)
2.) Today I picked up the kids from Mad Science, and they both came running excitedly out of class, proudly displaying the rockets they had built. (These things were quite impressive.) Caleb very seriously proclaimed, “Yeah! But mine is the best because mine has the most stickers! See?”
3.) Leigh Ann said that the other day she was walking with Joshua and Jack (her son) from school to the playground, and she heard Joshua telling Jack, “I don’t have to wait on my mom today. My mom is so slow, like she’s the slowest person ever. It takes me forever to walk with her….”
(gee thanks, Joshua. You try pregnant walking while pushing a toddler in a stroller, stuck behind mobs of schoolchildren slowly strolling home. I can’t exactly plow them down with the jogging stroller.)
4.) Joshua has had a couple of nights of nightmares, so he’s decided the problem is his bed. Therefore, he has moved to the top bunk bed. Just now he told Alan, “This bed is so not uncomfortable.” (double negative. He was actually saying his bed was uncomfortable. Alan tried to explain the right way to say that and then said, “Just go sleep in your regular bed,” Joshua replied, “It makes me have nightmares, but this bed is so not uncomfortable.”
5.) I heard Caleb say this tonight, and it wasn’t the first time I’ve heard him say it,
“Joshwa, are you going to sleep on the top bump?”
Alan: It’s bunk, Caleb, top bunk.
Caleb: Right. Bunk. So Joshwa, are you going to sleep on the top bump?
(I wanted to be sweet and not laugh, but I just couldn’t do it.)
6.) Humbling (but not altogether unpleasant) moment of my day:
I was at the Commissary, going through the line to the check-outs (think T.J.Maxx system, not traditional grocery store lines). I was surprised when a cashier waved me over to the handicapped check-out line. I thought to myself that was rather odd, and I asked, “Me?” to make sure I wasn’t confused, but I wasn’t. Then I noted that it was definitely a handicapped line, not an express line (of course I had about 150 items anyway), but I decided they must just be so slow business-wise that they were taking on an extra customer. Cool. Then one of the baggers said, “Let me pick up all this heavy stuff on bottom for you.” (I’m feeding a lot of people. I had the under-buggy shelf filled up. )
Then I realized how thankful I was to not have to bend over my pregnant belly, while simultaneously keeping Dan from swiping candy, to pick up all that stuff…..and that’s when it clicked. They had called me over to the handicapped line b/c in my current state I look a bit, well, handicapped. lol! Oh well. Perhaps I am. The extra help was awfully nice!
7.) Joshua is an unusual kid:
Joshua: I’m starving.
Me: Dinner will be ready in 11 minutes. I made pizza, but since I know you don’t like pizza I made you this big bowl of black-eyed-peas and orange slices.
Joshua: Oh! Phew! Thank you! Can I eat mine now?