When Your Problems Won’t Go Away
Have you ever had a problem that no matter what you tried, it would not go away?
Ten years ago, I thought it was a fluke. I thought it just needed to be quickly fixed, and then we would move on with our lives.
It took longer than I figured, but it did mostly eventually go away.
Until it didn’t, because eventually it showed back up, bringing a friend with it. So now there were 2 problems. The medical people seemed unable to help me, so I tried the chiropractic people. That helped for a while. Problem solved.
Years went by.
And then the cat came back, and now there were 3 of them. And then 4, and then 5.
Okay, there was no cat. I’m talking about my hip here. And then it was my hip and my shoulder, forever appearing together ever since. Then it was my hip, my shoulder, and my finger tips. My heart did weird things.
I remind myself of Paul. Even he had problems that God did not take from him: “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.” –2 Corinthians 12:7-8
Paul pleaded, but God did not take it away:
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. –2 Corinthians 12:9 We do cry out for God’s power more when we are weak, don’t we? When we’ve “got this”, we start to think we have no need for God.
Being gluten-free helped for a while, until it didn’t.
Today I went to the dermatologist. Give me something to make the pain and ugliness of my nails go away. Heal the ache. But they said it isn’t supposed to hurt. It’s only supposed to be ugly, but my fingers hurt.
She wants me to see another rheumatologist and get all this mess figured out. She’s calling my doctor to discuss it. I don’t want them to discuss it. It’ll only bring light to the fact that I never showed up for the x-rays she ordered. (I don’t need more x-rays. They never help. Enough already.)
I don’t want to go. I know something is wrong, but I don’t even care what it is anymore. I don’t even care that they can’t fix it. Prescription strength Naproxyn takes the edge off. When it’s not enough I have Lidocaine patches. I go to physical therapy and do the exercises they tell me to do.
I’m tired. I’m done worrying about this medical mess.
I have accepted all of the cats. They can just stay.
Today I don’t feel like fighting it, whatever it may be. Today I just want to lay down and cry. All right, truth be told I broke down crying in the dermatologist office. I didn’t want to, and it was embarrassing. She kept asking me questions, and talking about it makes me sad and confused. These are issues that I’m ignoring and hiding in the subconscious area of my brain. Didn’t you see Inside Out???
Today I don’t care about all that. I only want to be held in the arms of Jesus. I long only for the comforting of the Holy Spirit. My physical problems are a small thing. The pain comes and goes. These aches are temporary. Everyone dies. We don’t last forever. There is so much more to life than the physical.
I’d much rather focus on helping my boys with their problems, and we’re beginning to realize that one of my sweet boys has quite a battle ahead of him to fight. I hurt for him. I want to fix it for him, and I don’t know how.
It isn’t our job to fix all the problems. It’s our job to be supportive and loving. Look for hope where you can find hope. Hold on to the promises of God that you are never forsaken. Rest in the arms of Jesus, and allow yourself to be comforted.
“The Spirit also hears our infirmities, for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. And he that searches the hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because he makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon you. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Savior.” Isaiah 43:2-3
No, some of our thorns will never leave our earthly body, but there’s a soul inside of us. That soul is forever, and it is ever so much more important than any flesh and bones made from dust. That soul gets its nourishment from love and communion with God. We gotta keep on praying, singing, loving our children, helping our fellow-man, and loving even the least of these. And when life hurts, cry to Jesus. Don’t be too proud to get help.
28Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.…” Matthew 11:28-29
Let’s keep encouraging one another, especially when life is hard. Thank you all for encouraging me through 2016. I thank God for all of you!