Despondent Summer Mom Brain

I don’t know if I’m just not getting enough sleep, if there’s something bothering me that I don’t realize is bothering me (it can happen!), or WHAT, but I have a serious case of the mulligrubs this week. Is it the cloudy weather?

I mean I actually LOVE that it’s cloudy because that makes it cooler..

Is it that now that Alan has gone back to work I’m shut up in my house for 11 hours everyday alone with 4 energetic young fellows?

Yes, okay, that’s it.

Call it cabin fever. Call it silly. Whatever, but the fact is that I need summer to be over. We’ve done fun things, visited wonderful people, seen old friends, “settled in”, and yet…..I just want to jump in my car and go….anywhere.

I don’t care to dust, and goodness knows my shelves need the dusting. Almost everything has become completely uninteresting to me.

Really life is a cycle of feed the people, do the dishes, feed the people, do the dishes, feed the people, do the dishes.

What a terrible attitude, huh? I know. But if I have to break up one more fight, say good-bye to one more broken Willow Tree figurine (They broke 2 today. Okay, really just one of the boys keeps breaking things), or make one more pitcher of Kool-Aid, I’m going to go lay down in my bed and refuse to get out of it, I tell you.

I have a love/hate relationship with the electronics. Most of the time, I hate them, but then sometimes I NEED them, for the kids, for me, for peace and quiet the world over.

So this week I find myself in a terrible mood. The books I’ve ordered for myself are nonfiction and they’re depressing. I bought a book about the early church and a book about interpreting EKGs. Seriously, I need a good ol’ fashioned novel I think.

Oh, my EKG interest. You want to hear something funny? Alan was recently chatting with an acquaintance who is a paramedic. They were talking about heart issues. Alan mentioned v-tach (my occasional heart arrhythmia). The paramedic, who of course had no idea I get v-tach, said, “Oh, pshhh a v-tach patient is about dead anyway….” or something like that.

It was one of those choke on your coffee type moments for me.

Things with my heart haven’t been going super well, not terrible, but not smoothly either. I got cussed out by an irate patient in the waiting room who thought I was interfering with her appointment time….she actually said to me, “I hope you die before you ever leave this *#@$%* office…” She went on this long tirade of “colorful metaphors.” (*Star Trek Spock reference– Let me know if you get it!!*)

You know what I said in response to her? Nothing. I said nothing at all, But I sat in my chair and looked at my hands. It was so absurd, and one thing I’ve learned is that you CANNOT reason with a crazy person.

Anyway, there’s simply no way around it. I can’t continue in this monotony, or I will go crazy myself. Alan is going to stay in town, but I’m headed back home with the boys for a bit. It’s time to see other adults in the middle of the day, cook less meals, dust less furniture, and have some 103 degree air hit me in the face (Ha! I actually hate that part.)

Oh, side note. I just heard one of my older sons tell one of my younger sons to never tell Mom he’s bored. I suddenly feel somewhat accomplished.

No one can be perky all the time, right?  No, it’s not possible.

Now I know everyone is accustomed to happier, less whiny posts from me, so if that’s what you need, do talk to me after August 28. You see, that’s 28 days away, and it’s when the boys will ALL go back to school.

“Tara. Home. I’ll go home…. After all, tomorrow is another day!”

*Gone with the Wind quote*

As God as my witness they are not going to lick me. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, I’ll never have despondent summer mom brain again!

(modified Gone with the Wind quote)

Finding alone time is IMPORTANT for mental health for so many of us. Here’s a link to a post where I talked about this, which by the way, has much better photos than this post since it was in Monterey.

Yes, I will be okay, but for now, I am here, in my house, and I am completely out of the get-up-and-go.

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