5 Months Since the Move: How I Handle the Transition

I’m not going to church this up. Let’s just call it like it is. Moving was a j-o-b.

Getting our Georgia house ready to sell, selling it, finding a rental, and moving in was exhausting. Helping all our boys adjust to life at a new school…that part was far more difficult than I expected. I am not always the best at realistic expectations.  Moving is a task that keeps giving and giving.

Moving, ah…moving.

This is the first time we’ve moved back to a duty station where we’ve actually lived before, so that has made a world of difference in adjusting to this one. It was 100 times easier this time, but there was still so much change.

You know what I’ve done to get through it?

Now this is the part where you’re expecting me to say, “read my Bible and pray,” if you know me at all.  Well, that’s true. I have done those things almost everyday, and the importance of that cannot be exaggerated.

But what I was actually going to say is I’ve been taking this transition s-l-o-w-l-y.

I have signed up for a fractional amount of things. Seriously almost nothing. On Thursdays, I pack folders for a couple of my sons’ teachers at school. It takes me maybe 20 minutes. Even that I have trouble remembering!

At church, I am responsible for nothing at all.

Now this isn’t always how I intend to live, but when I first move, I’m not ready to go out and meet the city and save the world, ya know? I’d rather have a circle of friends who I chat with and then go home. Let me sort of ruffle my nest and adjust the hairs and twigs for a while. I gotta make sure each little egg is safe and sound, and there are FOUR of them. Once I’m sure I have our nest all shored up good and ready to face the wind, then I will be more ready to go flying about to help the other robins.

There’s enough on my mind and in my home to keep me busy for a while yet. It took me until November just to figure out where I unpacked the “fall decor” box, and now it’s about time to hang Christmas decorations. I’m debating whether I should even bother with the fall stuff.

It’s been important for me to not go overboard in taking on too many responsibilities right away. Seeing everyone through the transition has been enough stress on its own.

However, it IS equally important to not be isolated. 

We still all go to church together as a family, walk together to school most mornings, and socialize with neighbors. The boys also each have an activity they enjoy, well, except for our 5-year-old because I only put tiny mites in activities if they beg for it, (and I’ll save the reasons for that for a future post).

I had an advantage in moving here that I’ve never had before. I already knew people, not just people, but people I actually like, so right off the bat I had a support system. Normally, when you are new in town, you have no support system at all.

If you are reading this, and you moved this year, I hope you will make an extra effort to build a support system.

Don’t wait for people to come to you. Usually they don’t. Go out and find your people. Join a military spouse club, or a MOPS, or church. When you go to church, don’t just attend the service without joining a “small group” or Sunday school class. Invite people you meet for a play-date or a cup of coffee.

Friend people you meet in your new town on Facebook, when you don’t even know them that well yet. You need to get that news feed hopping with local events rather than stuff from far away that you can’t go to.

The newcomer phase can get depressing fast when you aren’t plugged into anything, and you have no one to share holidays with.

I’m not saying sign up for a ton of leadership positions your first year in a new place, though. I’ve found it best to participate the first year, get to know the people, and then you can decide if you want to serve or lead or keep on participating. Believe me, I have found out the hard way, there is an actual limit to the amount of stress a person can handle. I’ve reached that limit a few times over the years.

The Kids

Seeing the kids through this transition wasn’t a piece of cake either, but our boys are pros at this too, bless their hearts. This was their 3rd move in 4 years, as crazy as that sounds. We left here in 2014, lived in California until 2016, and then lived in Georgia until 2018. That’s three moves in 4 years.

When we left here, 2 were school-aged. Now all 4 are school-aged, and that took the challenge level to a whole new level. Helping four separate humans navigate a total world and school change was work.

That first quarter at a new school never results in our best grades. Each school has different rules, methods, and expectations. Yes, I even tried home-schooling to mitigate this problem, but that wasn’t so wonderful either. You can read more about that here.

going down the slide at a local pumpkin patch

Don’t lose patience with your kids when the transition doesn’t go as smoothly as you’d hoped.

A quiet lunch with no one to talk to is depressing for anyone. Figuring out which classes are ahead of your last school and which ones are behind doesn’t take too long to figure out, but then you have to rise to that challenge too.

Which kids are the nice ones, and which kids are terrifying? There’s no way to know but observation and trial and error.

The #1 Best Thing We Do For Our Kids to Make This Transition Easier

I have found time and time again that the best way to help our children to make the social part of the transition, which let’s face it, is just as huge as the academic portion, is to look for families like our own and hang out with them before school starts.

Sometimes meeting people is easier than others. The best way to find like-minded families is to attend a church near your neighborhood and get involved in community events right where you live.

Don’t drive 40 minutes away to find a good church or swim club if there’s one right in your backyard. Having friends that live too far away to see everyday is not going to help your kids nearly as much as having friends down the street.

For example, is there a local pool you  can join? Do it! And take your kids regularly just so they can start seeing familiar faces and making connections. Observe which families don’t get on your nerves, and invite them to meet you at the pool the next day.

All of that is exactly why I prefer to move in the summer– early summer, so we can do as much of our adjusting as possible before school even starts.

Don’t ignore the Facebook Groups.

What about when you just don’t seem to be meeting anyone at all? Some places are like that. Hop on Facebook, and search for your community name to see if there’s a group you can join. I know when we moved here we met one of our friends because she put on the local community Facebook page that she was looking for someone in the neighborhood with a 2nd grader to meet at the local park. So I took my 2nd grader on over to the park and met them!

eating lunch at school with Daniel

So how are we this time, 5 months in?

All considered, we’re doing well. This was not an easy year, but it wasn’t a bad year either. My oldest played flag football for the first time. That’s a neat thing about moving. It seems like we try new things with each move. He’s also learning Spanish, so I’m getting a good refresher on mine, as I study with him.

Our 5th grader is learning to play saxophone as well as taking an after school computer class where they are teaching them how to make movies on iMovie. I’m hoping when he’s done, he’ll share the wealth and teach me some of what he learned.

Daniel, our 2nd grader, is going through a phase where he wants to sign up for sooooo many things! He’s ice-skating (so he can eventually play hockey) as well as taking karate. He’s asking me to sign up for baseball and swimming too, and somewhere along the way, he’s going to have to let go of something!

John David is loving kindergarten. He sings “This land is your land, this land is my land,” constantly, and the neat thing is he knows verses that I don’t know. He’s suddenly Mr. Independent, no longer sitting in my lap (breaking my heart with that)  and putting on his own socks and shoes.

All of them seem quite content. Alan and I are doing well too. It think Alan is doing a little better than me. I’ve been going through sort of a crisis of life with all the changes, with no longer having a preschooler at home. And yet I still never feel like I get enough done.

Now that I think about it, out of all 6 of us, I may be doing the worst, and I’m not actually bad. I have close friends and plenty to busy myself with. It just takes time for me to fully feel settled in spirit at a new place, you know? Every single time it takes me about a year, and that is okay. You have to figure out what kind of adjustment phase works for you.

I was driving down the road to our house this morning with a car full of groceries, and all I could think was, “Wow. I can’t believe I’m living here again, in this beautiful neighborhood, in this bustling suburb of our nation’s capital.” I still love it, and I feel blessed and relieved to get to return to this place that I love. Yes, it takes me a while to adjust, but I am still so thankful to be here.

P.S.   Apparently moving is a huge deal for us too because my website is crawling with articles just like this one. Want to read more thoughts about moving? Go here for the “year after moving,” , or here for the 4 month moving update from our last move.