The Struggle of My Adult Years: Focus

When I was a kid, my struggles were confidence, fear, and talking in public. A shyer, quieter little mouse was rarely seen. All my mom ever heard at conferences was, “She’s sooo quiet.”

Who would ever think that I used to be terrified of uttering a sentence in a room as small as a classroom? And yet, I was. It’s only funny to me because these days it’s like I’m just hoping for a chance to get up and talk. I enjoy a good podium– so much that I’ve been known to make Facebook Live videos.

A weakness doesn’t mean that you can’t change that thing. You can. It takes work, though.

You know what the struggle of my adult years is? Focus.

It comes out in almost everything I do.

In my writing, you can see it. I will bounce from topic to topic like no tomorrow. There’s no clear theme. There couldn’t be when I have no focus.

I’ve written about this here and there over the years.

You see it extremely clearly if you ever get in a car with me as your driver. Ask me a question while I’m driving. Go ahead. I dare you.

Boom. I missed the turn.

If I don’t focus solely on where I’m going, I end up lost on the regular. It doesn’t even upset me the way it used to because it has happened so much!

My house is full of half-finished projects. It isn’t that I’m not a finisher. The feeling of finishing a project is glorious, and only occasionally do I get too bored with a task to finish it. The thing is that I always have too many projects going on at one time to do any of them justice.

It’s hard to focus with so many adorable distractions. These two were learning to draw the northeastern states, using a YouTube video tutorial. Their maps were surprisingly good too!

Focus.

I’ve had friends who have struggled with purpose, with feeling like they make terrible decisions, with faith, anxiety, neuroticism. Those aren’t my issues.

Focus is my issue.

Here’s a list of things I want to accomplish right now:

1. Christmas calendar for grandparents
2. Christmas cards
3. Photo for Christmas cards
4. Finish Christmas shopping.
5. Finish Israel e-book.
6. Scrapbook all these things I’ve saved from the boys.
7. Put together this family recipe book for my mom (and Amber if she needs one).
8. Stay on top of my kids to make sure their homework is done.
9. Cook dinner every night.
10. Keep the house tidy.
11. Take the dog walking.
12. Stay on top of my diet plan and exercise—- 10 pounds by Christmas!! I’m halfway there!
13. Keep the blog afloat.
14. Wrap the presents.
15. Bake gifts for my neighbors.
16. This list really goes on and on..

I don’t know which one to focus on or where to even begin.

Is it possible to focus on one each day? No. If I did that, homework would go undone, boys would go hungry, and dust would take over.

Time management. Perhaps that goes hand in hand with the focus.

Maybe I should just set 5 goals per day. I can’t do all 12 in a day. Seriously. But I can work on the daily ones and spend time on one of the big projects at a time. Perhaps I could even work on a project at night and let the boys just watch or even help.

Where to start…..

But it doesn’t do any good to pick any random thing to place your focus on, does it?

And that’s where you sort of HAVE to make a list of priorities.

I didn’t really make a list of priorities though. Instead, I look at my calendar each day, see what my “have to-dos” are, and then add in the things I have the energy for.

Do you know what I mean? Some days I’m in a sit-and-create-things-on-my-computer kind of place. Other days I have baking or gift wrapping energy.

Is this a free-spirited way to do life? I wonder if my sister-in-law would say that she would never go off of doing what she felt like doing that day but instead would always stick to some sort of Christmas schedule.

Sometimes I make schedules, which is hilarious because I always, always, always, without exception, end up throwing them in the trashcan or simply never turning to that page of my planner.

Yesterday, I had the energy to start the Christmas gift wrapping. It was FUN! And it knocked out two birds with one stone because John David came and wrapped with me. It was so cute. he wrote names on the tags and cut the most immaculate straight lines in the wrapping paper you’ve ever seen.

Today I’m going to run to a store and pick up more wrapping paper so I can finish!

Even though this list is still forever long, and we have a long way to go, I still feel crazy accomplished because the boys all did their homework well this week, I didn’t resort to ordering pizza all week (since Sunday), and the gift wrapping has commenced. Success all over the place, right?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go focus on taking a shower. Then I’m off to Dollar Tree for Christmas boxes and stocking-stuffers.

Merry Christmas!

“Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion!

 

Shout aloud, O daughter of Jerusalem!

 

Behold, your king is coming to you; righteous and having salvation is he, humble and mounted on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey…..and he shall speak peace to the nations..”

 

 

Zechariah 9:9-10