New House, New Town, New Us

Or is it really just the same ol’ us in a new place? Well, anyway, we’ll try to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

It is time for me to start writing again. I had my year off, and it was needed, but we have arrived to Maryland with a fresh set of orders to stay for 3 years, and that gives me a sense of purpose. It might sound coo-coo that 3 years is a long assignment for us, but by golly we can get a lot done in 1095 days! (And that’s quick calendar math that I just did in my head at 11:35 pm, so think of it as an estimate…)

One of our boys said the other day, “We are new here. No one knows us. We can have whatever personality we want to have.”

Ha! I can remember thinking that way when my parents moved our family at the beginning of 1st grade and the middle of 2nd grade. I believed it too, and did my best to follow through. For kindergarten, I had been rather bossy and had gotten in trouble for it too. In 1st grade, I decided to take a different approach at life. Here I would be the class clown, That worked pretty well for me. I had 4 boyfriends that year, which I probably bragged about to the annoyance of others.

Then in 2nd grade, we moved again, so I tried to just “be normal.” No clowning, and as little bossing as I could manage, though that part was harder. A little of the bossy seems to be my actual ingrained personality, and you can only polish who you are, not totally squash it.

So I guess the point is…

Try as we may, we can improve our behavior, but our personality will always shine through eventually. That’s why the people we live with see the worst of us. One can only keep up public niceties and pleasant behavior for so long. There is a limit. Eventually you’re going to get tired. Then you will want to get comfortable and be left alone. That’s when your true colors start to shine through. You are in fact who you are. No one can keep up an act that isn’t real for very long.

The neat-os will fuss at the rest of us for using 4 drinking cups today, creating an unnecessary amount of dirty dishes.

The slobs will leave a trail to find their way back to their chair, which we will trip over, and then fuss at them some more.

The conscientious will torture themselves about the things they wish they had or hadn’t said in public.

The video game addicts will play video games, and the phone addicts will look at their phones.

They say that during hard times, when life starts to squeeze us, what’s really inside comes pouring out.

I keep hoping that’s not quite true because what comes out of me is stress and tears, along with a desire to run, which I will (thankfully) talk myself out of.

Stress and Tears

Yep. Moving and traveling with the kids without Alan along was a squeeze. It still is. Being new over and over again has gotten old, and I don’t want to do it. And what keeps coming out of me has been stress and tears. I cried during every movie we watched lately.

But God is with us.

Even when we are not impressive, God is still with us. When I say I’ve leaned on my faith to get me through the 10 moves, the deployments, and the trials of life, it is no cliche. God is the real deal. When I was 4, and didn’t know about Him, only knew He was there, He swooped down and drew me to Him. In middle school, when I decided I was going to be an “all in” Christian, He lit the way for me.

One of my favorite God memories was another move.

It was my freshman year of college. My parents had just dropped me off at my dorm room at the University of Alabama, 14th floor, and my roommate was out for the weekend. It was just me, alone in my room. The only 2 souls I knew at this new school, 4 hours from home, were 2 boys from my high school, one a first string Alabama football player, and the other a super-smart engineering student. But I was living in an all-girl dorm, and there were moments where I could have felt alone.

Instead, I remember standing at my dorm room window that day my parents drove away, overlooking Bryant-Denny stadium, a graveyard, and a parking lot. I knew God was with me. God brought me to that school, and He would take care of me. There was that swelling of knowing you’re loved and cared for, not truly alone, where you are filled with hope.

I was so full of hope then. Just now I have to work harder for it. It’s not that I believe less. I actually believe more, but it’s as though as I’ve aged, I’ve found myself in need of reminding of hope. There is so much to do that I’ve been busy and have forgotten to hope.

Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful. 

Matthew 13:22

God took care of me before, and he will continue to do so. He always has. So here we are again. New place. New home. New us, but never alone.

19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And surely I am with youalways, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:19-20