12 Tips on How to Make Friends When You Move

After your move to a new city, you unpack all of your boxes, and gradually you realize you have a problem. You don’t know anybody. Now you need to know how to make friends when you move to a new place.

Sometimes I wonder if this is truly my ONLY area of expertise: moving. I’ve literally moved about 18 times in my life, most of those as an adult.

And every once in a while we do the truly life-changing kind of move– the kind where you move to a place you’ve never lived before where you know absolutely no one. That’s the serious adventure—struggle is real– level of moving, and I’ve only done that eight times. This particular move is all new for us, and that’s the kind of needy-level I’m talking about today.

Yep. You might feel needy and sad. You have no emergency contacts, no friends, no plans, nothing.

You are still getting lost going to the grocery store and trying to remember what day the trash runs.

Actually, this is sort of a pep talk to myself. I’ve met a grand total of 6 neighbors so far, and I’ve only been here a week, so yeah, I have a ways to go. I had to leave our dog at a boarding place during vacation, and I had to list a friend who lives 2 hours away for an “emergency contact.” Thankfully, in the age of cell phones, no one realized she was not a local person.

But the problem is that I can be a wallflower, hesitant to meet new people, which doesn’t work so hot in situations like this.

These are some strategies I’m employing to make new friends, and I hope this list will help you too.

#1. Go outside, right where you live, go outside.

This usually happens without my even being purposeful about it. It’s hard to avoid your neighbors, and they are a group you want to be friends with.

Sit on the front porch if you have one. You can take your phone with you and sit and read it. Inevitably, you will have awkward interactions with your immediate neighbors as they pass by or head to their cars. Yes, it may be uncomfortable, but it’s a phase you have to pass through.

Other ideas for going outside:

-Cut the grass. Water the grass. Pull weeds, or basically any kind of yard work.

-Take your dog for a walk.

-If you live in an apartment/townhouse/ trailer park area, go to the shared spaces like the residents-only gym or pool or park or whatever you may have.

-Wash your car.

-Sit outside and watch your kids play on tricycles or with sidewalk chalk in the front yard.

#2. Visit a church. Try going more than once or signing up for a class to up your chances for making connections.

We went Sunday, and right away I was scanning for potential friends. The people who approach us and help us find our kids’ classes are always our favorites.

If you just go, sit in the back, and leave, you may not actually meet anyone. You may still have a good worship experience, but building a community won’t happen unless you attend more than once and look for smaller groups there to plug into, like Bible studies, groups, classes, etc. Some churches even have Wednesday night dinners and service organizations you can join as well.

#3. Sign your kids up for activities.

Obviously, this is only helpful if you actually have children. It’s funny. Making friends is the easiest when you are in school and then again when you have children because you inevitably meet other people who you have plenty in common with when you are attending all those practices and games.

I’m still running behind on this one, but hey, life isn’t a race, right?

#4. Sign YOURSELF up for activities.

It sounds like a no-brainer, but I am the slowest at getting around to this one. The thing is that when you move you have a billion moving related tasks, which can take MONTHS to complete, so you aren’t in a big hurry to go sign up for a pilates class or a knitting club. But the thing is you do need a club.

Over the years, I’ve enjoyed MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers), Ladies’ Bible study groups, exercise classes, and the PTA for being involved and building a support group. I highly, highly, highly, did I mention highly, recommend MOPS!

#5. Get a job.

I haven’t gotten around to this in 13 years, the whole working outside the home thing, but when I did, my coworkers were usually my best buds. Take time to pick a few favorites, and ask them to go eat with you after work. These are people you see everyday anyway, might as well be friendly.

#6. Attend your HOA or neighborhood community organization or town hall meetings.

This one shows that you care, you will meet other people who care about your community as well, and also you will get to add valuable input to the decisions made that affect you directly.

#7. Look for volunteer opportunities.

I’ve spent a good amount of time on this one over the years. Having 4 children made it awfully hard for me to commit to a job, but volunteer service I could do. Schools always need parents to help at the lunchroom, or book fairs, or the library. In the community there are libraries, hospitals, the Red Cross, and service organizations always looking for volunteers.

If you pick a job you enjoy doing, you’re sure to meet people you have a lot in common with. I especially enjoy volunteering at the school because I end up being way more in the loop with what’s going on at my kids’ school when I’m volunteering.

#8. Visit local parks, playgrounds, pools, and events.

The surest way to meet people in your area is to leave your house and get out and explore your area. If your kids love swimming, the pool is an easy place to make friends. No kids? Try your local library or park and see if they have events or classes you can sign up for. Many libraries put on all sorts of lectures and shows or craft days that are for us, not just the kids.

#9. Be friendly. Smile at people.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t do much good to go to all these events if you never smile or look anyone in the eye. I would know because I have done tons of these events without meeting people. It’s easy to simply slip into the back row, listen quietly, duck into the bathroom during “mingle” times, and leave as soon as it’s over without ever actually talking to anyone. I’ve done it.

It’s amazing how far simply smiling will take you. I’m telling you, if you smile at them, the extraverts will very often come to you, making this process so much easier. Look for other stragglers!

#10. Say yes to invitations.

It may take a while before you actually get any invitations, but eventually you will. And then GO. Go to the baby shower, the book club, the pool party, the work thing, whatever. Just say yes and go.

#11. Search online for meet-ups, clubs, and groups you can join online but also meet in person.

One snazzy website for this is meetup.com. This site will connect you to groups in your area of literally ALL kinds.

For example, when I search my own local area, which is a small city located 30 minutes from a large city, it gives me options from my actual city, as well as groups that are within an hours reach.

Here are a few that I found where I live: a hiking club, a Moms Club, “Artificial Intelligence,” outdoor clubs, state park events, a pick-up soccer group, and an exhaustive list of groups in the greater area. Just to warn you though, this site does have both traditional community organizations on there, as well as less reputable groups as well…so you have been warned.

You can also take to the Facebook search bar and start typing in the kinds of groups you’re interested in. I found a cool hiking club that way once, as well as some of those yard sale type pages.

#12. As soon as you meet a new person, one you’ve actually talked to and connected with, friend them on Facebook or Instagram right away, and ask for their phone number too.

As hard as it may sound, if you stop at just ‘meeting people’, you will still be out of luck when it comes to feeling plugged in and having someone to text. What you need are friends, so you need to get past the acquaintance phase by asking them for their number!

I’ve also found it extremely helpful to friend people I know I’m going to see regularly in real life on Facebook, even when I haven’t known them for much time at all. The thing is that you need to have local people in that Facebook newsfeed.

I need to take all this advice myself. I’ve only been here a week, and I literally have zero local people on Facebook or in my phone. Sadness. But that’s my goal! Soon!!!

Before you know it, this too will pass.

You will be the one introducing yourself to the new people, signing up for leadership positions, and explaining where Sweet Frog is. One step at a time. I hope you find this helpful! If you have any strategies you’d like to add to the list, be sure to mention them in the comment section below.

And if you want to read more of my articles on moving, click here. I have written around eighty articles about moving, between several different websites. It’s sort of a constant theme in my life.