The “New People” Version of Ourselves. This isn’t Really Us.
I hope you like reading about new people who have just moved to a new town for the 4th time in 5 years because that is definitely the theme of this blog in 2019, and also in 2018, 2016, and 2014. Oh well, I guess it’s a theme of my blog in general.
The New People in Town Version of Us…
Each move is unique, and I gotta say. I am definitely getting better at this. This is the first move that I can remember not retreating deep into my shell. We’ve been visiting the same church for three weeks now, and I’d say I’ve been almost regular April, the real me, not the new-kid-in-town version of me.
Do you know what I mean? I first used that term, “new people in town version of us”, while talking to some new friends in Georgia 3 years ago, and they laughed, appropriately, which I appreciated. It’s true though.
I heard from two different Sunday school teachers today that our two youngest boys are “loosening up and getting more comfortable” in their class, that they are starting to play and show more personality. That is music to my ears! I’m so thankful they are feeling freer already!
There are 2 different versions of us that you can get. When we first move in, we are friendless and somewhat pitiful. Therefore, we are timid, quiet, observing, and careful. We have to be. As new arrivals, it’s hard to tell the sheep from the wolves, the safe places from the sketchy ones, the fake people from the down to earth ones. These things take time!
Insecurities
I think it’s just natural when you are new to feel somewhat insecure, and depending on circumstances, sometimes we are more insecure than at other times.
Each place has different dress codes, expectations, and personalities to manage. When we arrived in California, they were all about “serve, serve, serve!” That’s good, but it’s also kind of a lot of pressure when you feel like you just landed halfway around the world in an upside-down box.
In Georgia, I was recovering from my 2 years of home-school and health problems, and insecurities were higher than ever.
Then in Virginia, I was embarrassed to return to my old friends about 20 pounds heavier than I’d left them only 4 years previously. That was a mix of both joy to be with my people and insecurities over my changes.
Here I feel kind of restored. I’m sad that we’ve moved further north, with even more distance between us and our family. Other than that, I’m good. My health is back in a good place, and I feel more mature and ready to take on the next thing. That is such an empowering feeling.
I mean I’m still overwhelmed with how much I have to. Don’t get me wrong, but the insecurities have faded significantly. Maybe it’s an age thing, or maybe it’s the moving experience. I don’t know, but I’m thankful!
The Real Us
Eventually, we will start to feel more comfortable and then the real us starts to appear. We aren’t there yet, but it’s coming!! It takes me two years usually, but I think I’ll be there maybe even in less than 1 year this time. Who knows?
The real us, and that goes for our whole family really, is so much more fun. When you are surrounded by stability and a supportive community and a secure home with a little predictability, you don’t have to work so hard at getting by. You can day dream while driving without missing turns. Friends are already made, so you have people to cheer you up with their presence. You can walk into a room fully knowing what to expect, rather than feeling so much uncertainty.
The real us is louder.
We’re so loud, I’m seriously second-guessing moving into this community where the houses are soclosetogether. I think our neighbors are going to be worried about us. We sing, we dance, we yell, we turn the volume up high to drown out the x-box in the next room. There’s nothing quiet about the real us.
Our real kids are funny. They love to be goofy and chase each other around and laugh at the top of their lungs. Currently, they are somber out in public, but give it time.
Longing for Security
By the time we leave a place, people have begun to figure us out. There are friends who say things like, “Hey, he’s so funny! I had no idea.”
I smile, and I wish so much that we could live in one place so all of us could live out loud more. I long for the kids to feel that secure state of being loved by friends and knowing where we belong.
Somehow, with every single move, we manage to find that sense of belonging, even if it takes 1 or 2 years, which it usually does. The human spirit is an amazing thing in the way it can rebound, taking that “blooming where you’re planted” thing to amazing heights. With each place, I feel like we try out new skills and also set a few old hobbies aside, as our children grow.
It’s an odd backdrop to raise your children with, the constant moving. They are basically ALWAYS the new people in town.
People asked me how the kids handled it this time.
They were nothing short of astonishing. I expected tears, hiding, and displays of big feelings, but I didn’t get that. Those boys piled into the car and excitedly asked to go straight to see the new house!
How do they do it? Over and over again? I don’t know, but they do. The older boys keep in touch with friends on Xbox. That’s their “social media.” Thankfully, gaming doesn’t involve posting any photos they will have to regret later! This generation is funny. The boys are having actual talking conversations with their friends on xbox.
Their resiliance was more than I expected or asked for. I prayed for it, but I was fully prepared to hold together broken hearts. With this move, we said good-bye to a community we have always loved.
School starts in 3 weeks.
I’m guessing we will all crawl back into our shells for Open House and the return to a new school. The teachers will say how quiet and serious our children are, because they don’t know them at all. That’s not the real us. It is only the new people version of us.
It’s a process, and you can’t really skip steps. It must be walked through.
First, you make your first friend. We’ve done that. I even have THREE local contacts in my phone now!!!
My mom, when visiting us while we were new in Georgia, was watching the boys with their new friend, and she said, “That’s funny. It seems like everywhere y’all move, they have that same friend.”
I looked over at them with their new, significantly more outgoing friend, laughing and happy, and I thought back to all the previous duty stations, and I smiled. It’s true. They do. God provides. He provides people before we’re even looking hard. That same friend is always there, the one who sets them at ease.
I went to my first two local social events this weekend: a graduation party and a ladies’ luncheon at church where they taught us how to make bows. I met other middle school parents, and I thoroughly enjoyed both events and felt at ease.
Also, because moving is isolating, the whole family is closer than ever. We always have to draw nearer to each other during a move because we are literally all we have.
I think you’re a champion in dealing with the moves. Today’s social media does help kids keep in touch with old friends unlike my friends I lost in elementary school. Parents move the family and you never hear from them again.
This is so amazing April. We have been in the same house for 30 years, and I don’t know how you do it. It is funny looking back, there has been several times I was about to list the house. And the move was a place more in the country roughly 20 miles away. But it meant different schools for the kids, and their protests each time kept me grounded each time where I am.
So happy your boys are doing well. I am sure deep down it has given them a lot of confidence as they adjust to their new neighbourhood each time. God bless you April! 🙂
My boys keep in contact with family and friends through the Xbox too!
It’s their generation’s thing, for sure, but I think that it has helped them talk more rather than text message and helped them stay in touch.
Good old heart-warming post.
Thank you!