What Coping Mechanisms Work for You?

Sadness got to me a little bit this week. Moving can be mentally hard. I can say that today without feeling too embarrassed about it because I feel like we turned things around by Thursday or Friday, and we had a good weekend.

There’s an unhealthy, or as goodtherapy.org put it “maladaptive”, behavior I engaged in far too much this week: playing hours of Tri-Peaks Solitaire and the World Tour Jeopardy app on my phone. These are coping mechanisms I employ to avoid facing my problems.

Do you know what I mean? When life looks like a list of things you do NOT want to do, I have some tried and true methods for handling that, and some of it is pathetic, but it’s part of my process.

First, I face the problem head on.

I excitedly unpack boxes, set up rooms, and organize drawers. Move? I am a moving expert. We got this for sure!

Second, I start to run out of steam.

Another box of books???? There are ZERO places left to unpack books. Hmmm. Okay. Fine. Whatever. I’ll shove this box against the wall and leave it there for at least two months. I say two months because it has been two months, and that box is still sitting beside me as we speak.

Third, I feel demoralized. Productivity takes a nose dive.

The decision process breaks down. Tasks feel overwhelming. At this point I revert to treating life like a routine of chores.

-Morning chores

-1 hour of solitaire

-Feed the children.

-Read Facebook. Play Jeopardy. Play more Solitaire.

-Laundry

-Cook dinner

-Eat or overeat.

During step 3, step 4 also begins: escaping and self-soothing.

Between chores, play Tri-Peaks Solitaire on my phone until I run out of tokens.

Did I ever find a place for that box of books, that giant platter, or those other boxes in the corner? No. Was a much needed rug and chair ever purchased for the office/sitting room? No. Did I make it to the driver’s license office or register to vote? No.

Do I plan on solving the problems in my life? Ehhh….Maybe… After I catch my Jeopardy club up on the daily challenges.

Next week I will definitely feel better. Then I will reschedule that Linq removal procedure. (I’m having my heart monitor removed, which is a good thing, but I still dread it.)

Escape Plan: Waste time on my phone. It feels like success, and it’s fun. Also it probably releases endorphins in my brains or something.

Escaping and self-soothing are my coping mechanisms of choice, and they are pretty much one in the same, as I will play round after round of Solitaire on my phone to make myself feel better rather than actually tackle all the problems in my life.

Step 5: Realizing I’ve gone off the rails.

Somewhere around Thursday or Friday, when I’d let myself slide to an all time low of doing nothing other than the bare minimum tasks all day, I began to realize I had a problem.

Someone said to me that she didn’t “have time to play video games.” I was flummoxed.

“Time?? Well, no adult has time to play video games. If you must call Jeopardy and Solitaire video games, that is. We do it to get out of the things we are supposed to be doing. Right? Is that not right? Is this not normal???”

I knew it wasn’t productive, but I was sad, overwhelmed, and I guess I’d sort of given up. I do that sometimes. But the important thing is that it dawned on me that perhaps I wasn’t handling things well.

Step 6: Making a change.

Thankfully, things did get better.

First, I was invited to a couple of different social events this weekend. One was with the whole family, and the other was with ladies in my neighborhood. This helped me get out of my funk. Getting out of the house is strangely important to my mental health. I wonder if everyone is that way.

Then yesterday we all got out and visited a state park with a Quaker village and a covered bridge. It was a truly fun weekend. I know it pulled me out of my sadness. I’m hoping it helped the whole family. Not all of us have the same coping mechanisms, but the outdoors is universally good for all, I firmly believe.

I also joined a gym! What??? Yep.

But have I unpacked that box of books? Nope. Hopefully, by next week I’ll be able to say that I have!!

I seriously have been praying about my tendency to stick my head in the sand when the going gets tough, and I do have answers and direction. So really I guess that puts me at step 6: making a change. It’s time to turn to coping mechanisms that are more healthy. Moving is hard, and hard times must be dealt with, but it’s important to keep your head on straight, course-correct when you’ve strayed into a self-soothing corner, and get back on the right path.

Healthier Coping Mechanisms, with Examples

1. Support-– seeking support like talking about the problem. This is what I’m doing here on this blog.
2. Prayer–You know I’m a firm believer in prayer. God has proven this to me time and time again that he answers prayers.
3. Problem-Solving–When I actually unpack that box of books, that will be a good example of problem solving.
4. Humor— How does anyone survive life without humor?
5. Relaxing/Exploring Nature — Relaxing by watching hours of t.v. is only healthy if you do it a little. Too much relaxing is just escaping. However, relaxing with a nap is very healthy. Plus, relaxing by sitting outside or by running water, for some reason that’s a whole other level of relaxing. Nature is restorative.
6. Physical activity— Take a walk. It can be hard to get going, but once you do you feel so much better.

For more info on coping mechanisms, check out these articles from goodtherapy.org and the Cleveland Clinic.

Now I am definitely not saying that I’m going to quit playing Jeopardy and Tri-Peaks Solitaire and reading Facebook. I enjoy these activities, but I am hoping to do these WAAAAAAAAAY less and spend more time addressing my actual problems and blogging this week. Plus, I need to enjoy the last two weeks of summer with these boys before they go back to school. I’m trying to get up the nerve to visit a pool I’ve never been to before so they can go swimming. Social anxiety is tough, ya’ll!!

What are your coping mechanisms? Can you relate to what I’m talking about here? I’d love to hear about it in the comment section below.