Army Wives

14 Crazy Things I Said this Week that Make Perfect Sense for a Military Wife

The Military life is a unique one for sure.

Sometimes I find myself saying things that are sort of ridiculous, so I took a few minutes to jot a few down. Maybe you can relate.

“I just can’t possibly sit through another church’s new member class. I won’t do it.”

–I said this with all the drama and emphasis you can imagine. Sitting for more than 30 minutes is agonizingly painful for my back, so new church member classes are both boring and torturous. I do not care about how many big theology school words you can throw around. You preach salvation by faith in Jesus. You stick to God’s word? I’m good. I’ve visited a few times, and everything seems to be right on. Add me to the roll. Do not put me through another one of those hours long classes.

“I moved the box of books to the basement, so really I’m done.”

When moving, “done” is definitely a relative term.

“I have 4 children, and the youngest is in 1st grade, but I know nothing more than a kindergarten parent here. Literally, I know nothing.”

New schools are each intimidatingly different from whatever their last school was, and they don’t go over the basics with 3rd grade classes the way they do for kindergarten parents, so you hang on to every word at Open House and read all the papers. Next year I can be more cool.

“We’ve moved 4 times in 5 years. Yes. 2014: Virginia to California. 2016: Cali to Georgia. 2018: Georgia to Virginia. 2019: Virginia to Maryland.”

This is what I said to Alan this week. He had asked, “4 times in 5 years? Is that really true?” So then I recited the list of moves.

“Yes, I know I have an Alabama driver’s license, Texas plates, and a Washington, D.C. insurance policy. I’m an Army wife. My husband is overseas in Afghanistan. They make us move a lot, and we are not required to get new licenses as part of a military exception. Can you please not give me a ticket?”

Okay. That one was actually 8 years ago I said that, and that Alabama state trooper did in fact still give me a speeding ticket. Oh well, I guess I was speeding, and you can’t win them all. I win almost none of them. If I get pulled over, you can be guaranteed I will also get a ticket.

“We haven’t decided whether or not to fool with curtains yet.”

“Maryland is the most expensive state in the union, and that is coming from someone who has lived in California, D.C. and northern Virginia.”

It’s the everyday costs more so than the housing costs I’m referring to, ya’ll. They charge you exorbitant fees to take your grass clippings, there are high HOA fees, and don’t even get Alan started on how expensive it was to register our vehicles. However, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that school lunch is only $2.50.

“You have got to see the Goodwill store here. It’s amazing.”

“I’m still getting up the nerve to go see my PCM because I don’t know if it will be a nice, helpful one or a mean, lazy one.”

You would not believe some of the experiences I’ve had, unless you’ve been a mil spouse or just a person for a long time too. Then you would definitely get it. Choosing a doctor blindly can be scary.

“We don’t have a dentist yet to put on this form, but they just had their check-ups 2 months ago, so we are not going quite yet.”

“I can’t pick a dentist blindly. How do you know the good ones from the ones who invent cavities to fill?”

I’m telling you, this happens.

“This place has the coolest library EVER!!”

“Where do people go here to eat BBQ?”

“I still can’t remember which day is trash and which day is recycling.”

Okay I know I said 14, but here are 2 more because they just keep coming to me…

There is a Japanese cherry blossom tree in our yard!!!

“Honey! What is our zip code???”

“Wait. What state do I live in?”

I usually ask myself this at the grocery store for some reason. The sad thing is that it’s not just a freshly-moved problem. It’s a frequent-mover thing. It could be a year since our last move, and I will ask myself this in the store, usually wondering if I will be able to find certain regional foods, like Dale’s meat tenderizer.

Hope you enjoyed the list! Feel free to add to it in the comments section! Maybe I can make a Part 2.

Okay…Just one more!

“I rescheduled my heart procedure for 2 months out because that way Alan should definitely be in town. Hopefully.”

aprilmomoffour

April is an upbeat, Christian, blog-obsessed, military wife, and home schooling mom of four little boys. She writes about education, travel, and humorous adventures in parenting. Follow along if you’d like a little bit of encouragement and a whole lot of crazy.

View Comments

  • The speeding ticket story! Oh my gosh! I cannot keep anything straight anyways and this would make it even worse for me. God speed sister. I think you are amazing!!

  • I have said many of those as well. I relate very closely to when you were pulled over by police. I too had a drivers license from VA, vehicle with tags from CA, and lived in FL at the time- was pulled over for “turning right on red” (I was at an intersection that I was not familiar with... never drove through that part of town before & did not see any signs stating that there was no right on red allowed.) OH- and Dave was away on a 1-year deployment.
    When the officer questioned me about the three differences and told me that I had to get a FL license within so many months of moving there, I pulled out my military ID and said: No, I really don’t have to. This ID trumps it. (A reference to a card game, obviously! Haha) He had never heard of that so he told me to wait while he verified it. Yep- I was right. 😊😊 ✅

    • Oh that’s funny it happened to you too. I mean how would you ever know not to turn right there if there was no sign? I well know the trump reference. We used to play spades weekly when I was a kid. It was one of my favorites. 😁 Thank goodness you had that military ID!

  • You guys are amazing!!

    I am waiting for that move back to Bama!!
    ❤️❤️❤️

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