Tips for Talking to an Anxious Teenager

Today I have a mental health expert here to help us with talking to our teenagers when they are anxious.

I am certainly no expert in this field. I don’t know about you, but I have three teenagers and need all the help I can get. Whether your teenager identifies as “anxious” or not, chances are they will have times where they absolutely are anxious. I think it’s unavoidable.

Our mental health expert is here to provide us with tips on how we can help our teenagers.

The teenage years can be some of the best and the most testing times of your life.

This is the time of gaining independence and self-discovery. It is the time to explore platonic relationships and consider what you want to be, and who you want to be with. Teenagers are often looking for a place at school, in their homes, and the world as a whole.

This is also the most confusing time for a teen to learn more about their bodies, life, and the world. Parents often find it hard to communicate with teens about anything, and when teens start hiding their anxiety, it could become even more difficult to tackle the situation. 

It is not possible to force teens to tell us what is wrong even when we can see them struggle.

You might hear them complain about physical ailments, or some refuse to go to school and even have emotional meltdowns due to little stress. There could be many reasons behind them not admitting what they are going through inside.

Even your anxiety and fears could become a barrier to communication.

This is why you must ensure that you are not too angry or emotional as your teen will not talk to you and this could alienate them. 

It is also possible that you are at a loss for words after you discuss or demand them to tell you what is wrong. You must remember that your little one is growing up and they are no longer a child. There will be times when you won’t know what to say to them, but you need to have a balance of support, comfort, and even action that can help communicate with your teenager. 

Anxious teens are different from anxious kids

Parents need to remember that an anxious teen is very different from an anxious child. As kids, children tend to worry about monsters, or the dark or dinosaurs. But as they grow up, they start worrying about themselves. They might be worried that they do not look cool enough, or they are not doing well in school, or they could be worried about what people think of them.

As they grow, they also start to worry about their bodies, and many teens struggle for years. If their anxiety is not addressed on time, it could get worse. Panic attacks and social anxiety are two things that usually start in the teenage years, and you will see kids who were never anxious suddenly become very self-conscious and anxious as teens. 

There are no specific symptoms you can identify since they vary from one to another. It can also become hard to notice anxiety since teenagers are good at hiding their feelings, and many like to avoid things. But pushing it under the carpet will not help. Anxiety doesn’t go away like that, and some also start a habit of alcohol or marijuana to feel less anxious, but they become highly dependent on it.

If you avoid it for too long, it can lead to depression too. Treating teen mental health issues is possible and as a parent, if you are worried about your anxious teenager, here are three different ways you can try talking to them so that they listen.

Here’s how you can help.

Empathize

Your child is no longer five, and as a teen, they want to be independent, validated, and understood. They are navigating different aspects of life, and it isn’t easy for them. Whenever your teen tells you something illogical or seems strange, do not lash out at them.

Take a deep breath and try putting yourself in their shoes. Show them that you get it. Show them that you heard what they said, and you are there to discuss more. Do not give advice straightaway but use encouraging words and ask them why they are feeling a certain way. Talking with your teen on this topic will need patience. You must never judge them or make them feel that their emotions do not matter. 

Relate

The best way to connect with your teen is to relate your experiences. They will feel more understood if you can talk about the similar experiences you went through. Talk about your insecurity, your challenges, and what you went through in high school. Make them understand that their feelings are normal, and every teenager has some form of insecurity.

Teens often look at us as people who will never understand their situation, but you must prove them wrong. You need to humanize yourself and keep the doors of communication open. If you don’t, they will shut off completely and look for different ways to cope with the situation.

Ask

If you know your teenager is anxious, you must make it a point to check in on them regularly. Look out for symptoms and always keep the conversations open. Whenever you hear something alarming, be calm. If you react emotionally, it could scare your teen, and they might stop sharing things with you. Whenever they talk to you, have an open conversation, and comfort them. Reassure them that you will figure it out together, and if you feel that their anxiety is unmanageable, you might want to seek professional help. 

Seek help

Normalize taking help for anxiety and ensure that there is no shame attached to it. Look for a therapist who can handle anxiety in teenagers and talk to your teen about how therapy works. Ensure that they are comfortable with the step you are taking, and do not force them until they are ready.

Assure them that it will work for their good and visiting a therapist does not mean that they are crazy. The right therapist will help them get to the root of the cause and could also improve the communication gap. 

Tackling anxiety in teens is easier said than done, but as a parent, you must give them complete support and always allow open communication.