Probably every parent still stuck in the virtual school nightmare with multiple children can relate to the feeling of helplessness as you watch your children have the lowest grades of their lives. What in the world happened to the leniency of the spring? It is gone. The motto is “sink or swim” now. If you cannot figure it out and get it in on time, here is your zero. The middle and high school no longer accepts late work.

When your work is not handed in on time, you get an NHI.

That stands for “Not Handed In,” and for middle and high school that is a zero here, of course. Elementary school is nicer. That just means a 50 for them.

This lady right here is sunk. Sunk hard. I am at the bottom of the ocean with the nastiest of the creatures and those sharks that hide in the sand.

Some of the NHIs are from technical problems. Others are from forgetfulness or not wanting to make a video. Many of these assignments were finished and sitting on their desk, but they never uploaded them. It is so frustrating because in person there is so much less of this problem.

Why do I take their grades so personally? They feel like my grades, and I was an extremely serious student.

No, I cannot check behind eighteen classes per day. I mean I could, but then no one would get to eat or wear clean clothes.

So in the midst of my depressed state, I turned to my daily Bible reading for comfort. Only the thing is I am currently reading in Jeremiah! Ha!

That does not feel super comforting. Jeremiah’s job is to warn the Israelites to turn back to God and away from worshipping idols before he gives their country away to others. They did not listen, and in came the Babylonians and the Chaldeans.

Then after all these terrible things happened to Judah, and even the governor that Babylon had left behind for them was murdered, things still managed to get worse. The people asked Jeremiah to ask God what they should do next, all those poorest of Hebrews, left behind. They promised they would DEFINITELY do whatever God said this time.

So Jeremiah went and prayed. It took ten days before he heard an answer from God. Have you ever been there? Asking for answers, and you wait and wait before answers arrive?

Finally, God tells Jeremiah that the people are to stay in Judah, and he will take care of them. He warned them not to take off for Egypt looking for safety because safety would not be found.

And what did the people do? Well, they took off for Egypt and dragged poor Jeremiah with them.

What a downer!!! That was my reading today.

It all feels a little like the sadness I already felt. Except for one thing: there is HOPE in there too. If they had just done what they said they would, none of these problems would have happened. So many if onlys! Those if-onlys are not so hopeful though.

We are dealing with if-only here at our virtual school, especially “If only you had made those jump rope videos, your P.E. grade would be better.”

“If only I could fix this!”

But you know what? I cannot always fix everything in this house. Jeremiah could not fix the Israelites. Past mistakes cannot always be changed. What we have is this day. We have this moment and our next assignments.

A teacher of ours had a good suggestion.

She recommended letting him earn increments of time on his xbox games and devices. For each graded assignment, he earns 15 minutes.

Mrs. P

Some kids do not need this, but others do. This sounds like a surprisingly great idea. I judge myself for not thinking of it. Ha! It could work!! But I will still have to check behind him for that. I must insist he comes to me with it though.

To be honest, after fifteen years of parenting, this does not fill me with any false sense of high hopes.

Will this work perfectly? No. There is no perfection in a family of six. Haaaa!!!

The one child will have to come show me all the work he submitted each day, and the others will not because they have earned more freedom.

Yet, it feels good to have some sort of plan in place, you know? It feels slightly less like sinking, and more like reaching for a floatation device slightly out of reach as you struggle to maybe float back up to the surface! Ha! We may reach it, but we probably will not, honestly. But by golly we are certainly going to reach for it!!!

P.S. About that Jeremiah story…

Eventually, God did bring the Israelites back to their land. And eventually, God will end this trial too. 2020 is going to stretch right in to 2021 with more virtual school for us. In the meantime, we will grow, and one day, it will be over.

“Thus says the Lord God: Though I removed them far off among the nations, and though I scattered them among the countries, yet I have been a sanctuary to them for a while in the countries where they have gone.”

Ezekiel 11: 16

God is a refuge for us in the present day too.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”

Jesus in Luke 12:22-25

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There are many pros and cons of home schooling, just as there are pros and cons to public and private schools. If you find yourself weighing the differences of which method of school you should do for your children, this list will help.

I have revised my pros and cons lists to reflect my views now that I have 2 years of home-school under my belt as well, and our children have also attended 2 years at a private Christian school and many years of public school. The reason for so many changes in schooling is actually that we are a military family.

Only YOU can decide which is best for your kids.

What I am going to provide you with is a pros and cons list of home schooling versus private or public schools.

***Disclaimer: When you purchase through links on this website, I do collect advertising fees. Clicking does not obligate you to buy. All opinions are my own.***

First, we did try public school.

We were fortunate to belong to an amazing community with a high performing school.  Our neighborhood elementary school in Northern Virginia tested well above the national averages.  While that was great, and my boys were pretty happy at school, no school is perfect.

See, my boys had trouble paying attention to things that they are not interested in, especially in large group settings. I don’t mean they day dreamed a little.  They day dreamed so much that their teachers tried to interject my boys’ names into every few sentences to encourage them to listen.

Now that they are older I think this has actually improved, but back then I was all throwing my hands up and feeling discouraged.

That’s my biggest hang-up with public schools and my boys: Large groups.  

Joshua’s second grade classroom had 28 students and 1 teacher.  The 1st grade class had 26 students and 1 teacher.  Has anyone stopped to realize what we’re asking our teachers to do here???

I attempted teaching public school 1 year, 10 years ago, in a low income area of Texas. That was a class of 19 students, in a combined 3rd/4th grade classroom, and it was a HUGE job.  I was fresh out of college and had little experience with children, so it was too much for me.

Think about it.  26 1st graders–in 1 room–with 1 teacher.  Do you really think that teacher has any time whatsoever to give any individualized instruction?  I doubt it.

So I confess, I thought I could do better myself. The boys and I took on home-schooling for  two years.

First, here’s a disclaimer: I was trying to teach 4 boys on 4 different levels all at one time. The youngest was in diapers, the second-youngest was 3, one was struggling with reading, and the oldest was a behavior issue for me, even though he was very well behaved in public school. There are ways to make your experience easier than all of those 4 rings of circus I was trying to manage at once.

It was painful for me. I was mostly stressed and miserable. The boys grew to like it because 1.) no home work 2.) shorter school days and 3.) so many pajama days.

But for me home schooling four boys was more stress than I could handle.

I was not one of those ‘fun’ teacher types, doing cool experiments and building forts and playing games. I was more like, “Hey, look, I don’t care if you think it’s hard. The book says we have to do it, so please just do it now so we can be done with this already.”

Yeah…..teaching was so not my thing. Good things did come out of it, mostly personal growth for myself: I learned that it’s important to accept help from others. I prayed more.

Also, good things came out of it for my boys. They grew even closer together. My oldest was in need of an attitude adjustment before we started home schooling, but over the past two years he matured in character in manifold more ways than I expected, and I am incredibly proud of him.

But I said that I will never home school again. The stress and unhappiness made me physically ill. Literally, I am now on heart medication.

But some people love it, so don’t take that to mean I’m anti-home schooling. You may be an AMAZING teacher-mom. But if you do go for it, I hope you find some things to delegate. You aren’t supposed to have to be everyone and everything to your family. People need other people.

Also, I think it’s important to mention that some of us are a better fit for public schools, private schools, or home schooling than others. One kid may thrive in one environment, while another thrives in the opposite. We all have to choose what works best for our particular situation.

We all did that whole virtual school thing during covid. Home schooling is a little different because you do get to be in charge, and you will not have teachers emailing you to tell you that your kid did not turn in their video of themselves throwing a ball in the backyard. For us, virtual school was the absolute worst.

So let’s get on with the list!

Public School Pros Vs. Cons

Pros:

1. It frees up time for you to spend with your pre-schoolers during the day.
2. It gives you breathing room and less stress in some ways.
3. The kids get to make friends at school.
4. They must learn how to function in a highly ordered environment.
5. Children must learn responsibility of turning in assignments on someone else’s timeline.
6. The kids learn skills of dealing with people of diverse backgrounds.
7. They learn to eat new foods in the lunch room, and you don’t have to even get involved. (And that’s coming from a mom of a severe nut-allergy kid. I make them all buy a lunch.)
8. The burden of your children’s education does not lie squarely on your shoulders alone.

Cons:

1.  having to trust whatever random teacher your kids are placed with
2. not knowing what they are doing all day and whether they are paying attention at all
3. having to re-teach many things they learned at school when they get home…..because they weren’t listening
4. dealing with them occasionally not bringing home their homework assignment or not turning it in
5. your kids being taught things at school that you don’t actually agree with
6. your kids not learning what success feels like because their attention problems are getting in the way
7. no one-on-one instruction
8. They dislike school.
9. summer not beginning until practically July
10. Sometimes I feel like I don’t see them at all between school, homework, and extracurricular activities.
11. lots of negative outside influences on their attitudes
12. learning lots of trash talk from friends  (Think back.  You remember this from your school days, right???)

PRIVATE SCHOOL (Christian school) Pros and Cons:

Pros:

Same as above, but also:

1. They learn Christian principles and morals that I actually DO agree with. (Be sure to thoroughly vet what your school of choice teaches. Know what denomination it is and what that means.)
2. Their environment is like-minded.
3. They learn Bible verses that will help them for the rest of their life.
4. So important: Smaller class sizes!!

Cons:

Same as for public school, but also:

1. It costs a lot of money.
2. They would have to be “car riders.”
3. If it is a prestigious school, there may be homework and stress overload. Be sure to check on that. Thankfully, the one I’m choosing assigns very little homework, or so they tell me. Here’s hoping!
4. Did I mention it’s expensive?

first week of kindergarten at the Christian private school

When we could afford it, I loved the private school option.

The boys were being well educated, I was sane, and they had an amazingly positive atmosphere to learn in. I loved that! The smaller class sizes meant the world to my boys with attention problems. Daniel used to say his favorite subject was “learning about God,” which you just can’t do in a public school.

Budget constraints are a true issue. Here’s an article on money-saving ideas we used to help pay for private school, to include moving to a smaller house.

HOME SCHOOL Pros and Cons:

Pros:

1. Life would run more on your own time table.
2. You can choose a curriculum that fits the needs of each child.
3. 1:4 teacher/student ration allows for more individualized instruction
4. better for their attention problems
5. more time with your children
6. less outside influence on their attitudes and language (if only I can also control MY mouth)
7. You might enjoy planning their lessons.
8. Fun field trips.  Home school day at the aquarium!
9. Home school co-ops often offer 1 or 2 day/ week of all the arts or P.E.
10. Your kids will probably enjoy it.
    

    Cons:

1. You have to learn to be more structured.
2. They may not learn the same coping skills they’d learn at school for dealing with difficult people and focusing in large groups.
3. a LOT of work for Mom
4. no freedom for Mom whatsoever–ever
5. Will you be able to have patience with them?
6. Wearing so many hats is stressful.
7. You may feel isolated from being home teaching everyday. (I felt extremely isolated.)
8. You will either like it, love it, or hate it. If it makes you want to poke out your own eyeballs, just stop.

OK.  Your turn to chime in!  What have you chosen for your children?  What do you love about it?

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”     Proverbs 12:15

Of course, in the end, we will choose what we think is best for our particular children, based on lots of research, thoughtful consideration, and prayer, and of course, our budget at the time.

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I’ve been dealing with my own feelings of failure for a while now. Have you ever felt that way? I read this story this week, and I poured tears as I contemplated my own “failure.”

There was this man. He was from out-of-town. He wanted to teach people about Jesus. That landed him in prison, and not just prison. First, he was stripped and beaten, and then they put him in prison.
He got out though.
And then you know what he said about that trip? He said, “It was not a failure.”

Public humiliation. Beaten! Imprisoned!

That was not a failure?? He was basically chased out of town. He can’t go back there.

But that man was Paul, and that town was Philippi. You can read more about that story in Acts 16:16-25 and 1 Thessalonians 2, all of chapter 2.

“You know, brothers, that our visit to you was not a failure. We had previously suffered and been insulted in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in spite of strong opposition.”    1 Thessalonians 2:1-2

It was not a failure because they STILL did share the gospel, as they set out to do. When we tell people the good news, that Jesus loves ALL of us and wants to save and be a friend to ALL of us, we aren’t responsible for how people respond to that. That doesn’t mean be a jerk and don’t care. That means don’t be obnoxious. Share it, and let the Holy Spirit do the rest.

Public disgrace does not equal failure.

Things not ending as planned does not mean we failed.

Being physically destroyed is not failure. It’s not.

You are not a failure either. Think of your most recent failure, and then consider. What did you learn? What good came out of that?

I was reading about all of these things in Children of the Day, by Beth Moore. It takes books like these to help me understand things like Acts 16 being tied to 1 Thessalonians. Believe me, I’d never figure that out on my own. Every single Beth Moore Bible study workbook I have ever read has been a massive blessing to me.

This one is no exception. She just HAD to go and ask us what our most recent failure is. She left a little blank space for us to write about it. Ha! I got out my spiral notebook and filled up a whole PAGE.

I wrote, and I thought, and I cried, and I prayed, and in the end I was reminded.

“Though a righteous man falls 7 times, he will get up, but the wicked will stumble into ruin.”  Proverbs 24:16

Failure stings when it’s something that means the world to you. It stings like getting stung by a HIVE OF BEES  or 50 fire ants.

I set out to home school those two years with two objectives:

1. I wanted to give them that one-on-one boost with their academics.
2. I wanted to improve their character. No, I can’t improve it myself, but I wanted to promote it. I wanted to provide the right environment and the right tools for the boys and God to work that out.

I was not able to accomplish what I wanted, academically, and to make it worse trying to be a teacher, homemaker, blogger, and mom all at once made me MISERABLE. It was heart-breaking. Even as I write about it again, it’s like my heart is all ripped up and bleeding. I want to pound my fists to the wall and then lay my head against it and cry until there’s no water left because no matter how hard I tried, everything felt like failure.

I love these children with such intensity, I want to fix every single problem that they have, but that’s not possible, is it? The ability to fix everything was so far beyond my control.

So I failed. Or so I thought. But you know what? I did not fail. They didn’t fail either. Nothing failed. There was nothing wasted here.

In those two years, I saw their character bloom. I saw love, humility, honesty, justice, kindness, and goodness in my boys.

Caleb was saved and baptized, of his free choosing during that time at home with me. I even heard him teaching his friends about Jesus.

There was spiritual warfare waged over the souls of my children those two years, and God won.

I grew to understand the boys’ strengths and weaknesses. I came to terms with my own limitations. We emerged a different family than when we went into this.

I failed in some ways in order to learn. Sometimes we have to fall to learn, to grow, to become.

We saw it happen with my children too. We watched them overcome the kind of adversity that would have CRUSHED me at their age. I would not have handled it with the strength, dignity, and courage that I watched my son display.

That’s not actually failure is it? But it sure feels like it when you’re laying in a wad on the ground.

So no, we have not failed. We have only fallen and gotten back up again, and we too shared the gospel in the process.

All of these thoughts led me to this song, and I can’t get it out of my head. Its “fall down and get back up” message resonated with me. Yes, we are trying EVERYTHING. It’s a fun song, and my favorite line is this one:

“Birds don’t just fly. They fall down and get up.”

You’ll have to click the link below to go to YouTube to see the lyrics and hear this song. It’s worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92h9xWDLllg

Ok. Your turn to answer Beth Moore’s heart-wrenching question. Failure. When did you last feel it?

“Ask yourself: Did we do the will of God as best we perceived it? Were we authentic before God and man?”    —Children of the Day, page 41, Beth Moore

And I would add, what did you learn? Then maybe it’s not such a failure after all, and even if it is, get back up again.

The post It was not a failure, though I thought it was at the time. appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.