When we moved this past summer, it went differently than I thought it would. The vibe of the moving day exit of our beloved neighborhood was not at all the vibe that I expected, but in a good way.

Last time we left Virginia, in 2014, when we drove the boys away from this place so dear to our hearts, there was so much drama about it. One child was brave but sad, hugged everyone as expected and said his good-byes. Another hid in the car, refusing so much as to wave to anyone, to people he loved with all of his sweet almost-seven-year-old heart. Our pre-schooler hugged everyone and was a doll, and our baby had no idea what was going on. Everyone looked sad for a while in the car. No one wanted to leave. We had wonderful years ahead of us, exploring California, riding around on bicycles like feral children, and all sorts of exploring. The boys didn’t know that yet though. They only knew they were losing everything and everyone they held dear and trading it for the unknown.

This move, in 2019, was not like that. We had only stayed in Virginia one year, so lifting the boys back out was easier. The California and Georgia moves were still fresh on everyone’s minds. The funny thing is that we were still as attached to our Virginia community as ever, but this time the boys had something they didn’t have before.

They had trust. Their hearts rested in faith.

Our hearts and minds knew that moving was always hard and that there would be a phase where we would not have any friends. That phase may last a day, or it may last a year, but it would only be a phase. Eventually, each new place of the past had become home. Our boys knew this, and so they looked onto this move without the fear one has of something they have never done. Instead, they looked on this transition with wisdom, wisdom far beyond their years. This wisdom came at the price of four moves in five years, and it was fully earned. They trusted that everything would be okay. Not only did they trust God and each other, but they trusted us too. Sometimes, when the making friends part is coming too slowly, I feel like I have let them down.

On moving day, the boys said good-bye to their friends in the cul-de-sac, and they piled into the van. No one hid, cried, or resisted. We actually picked up Joshua on our drive out of the neighborhood because he was walking home from a friend’s house. He happily slid into the van with the rest of us.

Daniel spoke for everyone, when he said in a peppy voice, “All right! Where to next!”

He didn’t mean that question literally. We had shown the boys the new city and the house already, so he knew where we would go next. We were only moving two hours away. At the same time, we didn’t know anything about “what next” would actually be like. Such is the life of a nomad. Where to next? Will they welcome us there? Will we have anything in common with the people we meet there? How long will it take us to make friends and to feel at home again?

I was most amazed that Daniel, of all people, would take on such a happy attitude because he had the happiest year in Virginia. One of his best buddies lived next door and was in his class. I let him ride his bicycle to school with Caleb sometimes. Life had been insanely good for Daniel, with far more freedom than he had ever had before.

Yet there he was, ready and present for the next thing. That day they inspired me. I smiled, and I said, “Well, how about lunch next and then onto Maryland?”

Of course, all offers of food to cars full of males are always welcomed with open arms.

That morning I had felt sad and resistant. I lacked their faith and good attitude. Not a bit of me wanted to finish packing, cleaning, and loading, only to drive through two large metropolitan sprawls with a car full of children to a new town full of strangers. I felt old and tired of moving, but those children lifted my spirits. If they can do this, so can I.

Where are we going? Who knows? I am just going to have to trust God that it is good.

I am linking up today with Finish the Sentence Friday at FindingNinee.com. Today’s prompt is “Where are you going?” if you would like to join us.

The post Where to Next? The Trust of a Military Child appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

One of my favorite parts of this strange life we lead is choosing my next house. With each one, I say, “Such and such a thing is killing me. Our next house will DEFINITELY have….

-sidewalks

-a bigger master bedroom closet

-4 bedrooms

-more kitchen cabinets!!

It’s always something.

I love getting to see new places and try new set-ups. I don’t even mind redecorating, though it takes so long to get a house looking the way I want it to look that it’s always time to move before I finish.

My mother-in-law is wanting to do a project, which she probably saw on Pinterest. She asked me to dig out a photo of all the houses we’ve lived in for this project.

This is no easy task, but it got me thinking. It’d be fun to do a blog post about all the different houses we’ve occupied. Some of them weren’t “houses” exactly, but they were our homes, for a little while.

2002 Alabama

We got married in 2002, but Alan was away at training for most of that time. I was the weird-o married Resident Assistant for my very last semester of college.

This dear old dormitory is now slated for ye olde wrecking ball. A new Tutwiler Hall is being built “adjacent” to the current building.

2003 Texas

Our first house together!

There is no excitement like moving into your very first home together as a married couple. The sad cloud that hung over us was that on our drive into town, they announced on the radio that Alan’s unit was headed straight for Iraq. This was 2002. We weren’t even in Iraq yet. I was devastated.

Thankfully, we were able to squeeze in 3 blissful months together in this house before Alan was shipped out.

My crowning achievement was that flower bed. It was no longer puny under my watch. When we moved out only 18 months later, it was a glorious bed of petunias surrounding the bushes. The move-out inspector was so impressed, he didn’t charge me a dime for the giant bleach stain on the hallway carpet. I was never good at carpet.

2004 Texas

Alan came home a year later and wanted to move onto the military base, so off we went, from our beautiful civilian 3 bed, 2 bath duplex, across the street from my best buddy, over to this old, ugly 2 bed/1 bath duplex on the base. As you can probably tell, I wasn’t thrilled about it, and I never felt like I truly belonged in it, but whatever. Another year, another rental.

2005 Arizona

We were ecstatic to receive orders to move out west in 2005 because if Alan had stayed where we were, he would’ve gone straight back to Iraq in 2005/2006.

This house holds a special place in our hearts, largely because Joshua was born there, but also because it was a fun place to live. It had shag carpet, no air-conditioning, a pebble yard, and a pool in the backyard. I’m telling you, I’d still want to live there. I can’t even explain it.

2006-2008 Back to Alabama

Oh, 2006, what a year! You couldn’t pay me to repeat it, but that’s another story. We had summer orders again, so we bought a house in Texas. Alan called me on my plane trip to the new house to tell me, “I have new orders. We’re headed back to the South instead. Not Texas.”

We flipped house A, crashed at Alan’s parents’ house for a month, and then rented a house in location B, a lovely split foyer that came with a swing set in back. This lovely split-foyer felt humongous, just the two of us and our baby.

Then along came baby #2, so this house has a special place in our hearts as well. It was a terrible job, though. Alan was never home. Then we went from that job to another Iraq deployment. This time Alan would be gone for 15 months! I decided to move closer to my parents. Parenting 2 babies by myself was more than I could handle, and I knew it.

Off we went again…

2008-2009 South Alabama

Living near my parents for the deployment was a dream. Dad cut my grass, Mom and Dad babysat all the time, plus I had somewhere to go hang out–my parents’ house! But at the end of the day, we still had our pretty “deployment house” to come home to.

2009-2011 Washington, D.C.

The year of two delightful snow blizzards: 2009 and 2010, we lived in D.C. Actually, we lived in this little town house until 2011. I felt crammed, and I was longing for a single family home, so we relocated to the suburbs of north Virginia.

D.C. was such an adventure for us. As a family of four, we were fairly portable and enjoyed traveling the city together. We also hosted dozens of friends and family members who wanted to see the capitol city without spending $400/night for a hotel room, and we loved hosting everyone. I’d do that all over again in a heart beat. Our D.C. years are full of fond memories.

I can explain about that chair. It was just the four of us during those years. Alan and I had put Joshua and Caleb to bed in the respective bedrooms, and we thought they were asleep. We were downstairs playing Ticket to Ride, I believe. When the game was over, Alan went upstairs first and found this marker mayhem chair mess in the office. It was quickly discovered that Caleb, age 2, was obviously not asleep at all, and during his insomnia he had tiger striped the chair, himself, the floor, the wall, and popped all the keys off my laptop keyboard. Yep. All in one night. Back then, we weren’t sure how we would ever survive that little boy, but now it all makes for smiley memories.

What did he have to say for himself that night? He said, “I a tiger!! Rawrrrrr!”

2011-14 Virginia

Living in North Virginia, we continued to host friends and family who came to visit. Plus, we entered the world of being elementary school parents. Also, Alan went to Afghanistan for a while.

We loved our Virginia neighborhood and lived there longer than any house we’ve ever lived in. The house and yard were both spacious, and we fell in love with the community.

2014-16 California

I cannot find a picture of what the front of the house looked like. I’m officially starting a new tradition of photographing our houses, but if you look across the street in this photo you will see another house with an upstairs balcony. That was what our house looked like too.

This was our 3rd military housing experience, and our best one by far. This privatized Navy house is the biggest home we’ve ever lived in. The neighborhood was gorgeous, and our master bedroom had a balcony on it! Not only that, but if you looked through the bushes at just the right angle, you could catch a glimpse of the Pacific Ocean. Such a dreamy place to live for our two home school years!

2016-18 Georgia

Desperate to be done home schooling, we drastically down-sized in Georgia so that we could afford good private school tuition. Still, I loved that house. It had only 3 bedrooms, yes, but the rooms were large, all of the rooms in this house were huge, the master bath was amazing, and it had a fun backyard with a massive hill in it.

2018-19 Back to Virginia

Now that we’ve left the Virginia house I am convinced that the split foyer house is the BEST house for us. I know many of you think I am crazy and that we need a bigger home, but we do not. We needed more closet space and more kitchen cabinets, but that could be done if you own the home.

Why it was perfect: All of the main living space is on one floor. It makes getting kids ready for school in the morning a billion times easier than our current situation. The boys will also tell you that they loved that house. All split foyers have a massive downstairs room, which our kids used for video games, and yet they never felt far away. I still knew what was going on down there.

We’ve lived in split foyers twice, once in Alabama and then this Virginia one, and I gotta say, I think they are surprisingly functional.

2019 Maryland

I appreciate our house here. We actually bought this one because we expect to stay a while, but I miss how compact our last two houses were. Now I’m back to trying to figure out where everyone is. You hear people say often in our house, “Where are you???” Ugh.

How I miss our 3 bedroom in Georgia and our split foyer. I don’t think we will be one of those families who retires to a mini mansion. Give me a nice ranch with a screened in porch and a neighborhood with sidewalks. Oh, and of course, tons of kitchen cabinets.

Now just for fun, here’s a bonus question for long time blog readers and family. Can you tell which state the house in this next photo was in?

The post Tour of Homes from 17 Years of Army Life appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

The Military life is a unique one for sure.

Sometimes I find myself saying things that are sort of ridiculous, so I took a few minutes to jot a few down. Maybe you can relate.

“I just can’t possibly sit through another church’s new member class. I won’t do it.”

–I said this with all the drama and emphasis you can imagine. Sitting for more than 30 minutes is agonizingly painful for my back, so new church member classes are both boring and torturous. I do not care about how many big theology school words you can throw around. You preach salvation by faith in Jesus. You stick to God’s word? I’m good. I’ve visited a few times, and everything seems to be right on. Add me to the roll. Do not put me through another one of those hours long classes.

“I moved the box of books to the basement, so really I’m done.”

When moving, “done” is definitely a relative term.

“I have 4 children, and the youngest is in 1st grade, but I know nothing more than a kindergarten parent here. Literally, I know nothing.”

New schools are each intimidatingly different from whatever their last school was, and they don’t go over the basics with 3rd grade classes the way they do for kindergarten parents, so you hang on to every word at Open House and read all the papers. Next year I can be more cool.

“We’ve moved 4 times in 5 years. Yes. 2014: Virginia to California. 2016: Cali to Georgia. 2018: Georgia to Virginia. 2019: Virginia to Maryland.”

This is what I said to Alan this week. He had asked, “4 times in 5 years? Is that really true?” So then I recited the list of moves.

“Yes, I know I have an Alabama driver’s license, Texas plates, and a Washington, D.C. insurance policy. I’m an Army wife. My husband is overseas in Afghanistan. They make us move a lot, and we are not required to get new licenses as part of a military exception. Can you please not give me a ticket?”

Okay. That one was actually 8 years ago I said that, and that Alabama state trooper did in fact still give me a speeding ticket. Oh well, I guess I was speeding, and you can’t win them all. I win almost none of them. If I get pulled over, you can be guaranteed I will also get a ticket.

“We haven’t decided whether or not to fool with curtains yet.”

“Maryland is the most expensive state in the union, and that is coming from someone who has lived in California, D.C. and northern Virginia.”

It’s the everyday costs more so than the housing costs I’m referring to, ya’ll. They charge you exorbitant fees to take your grass clippings, there are high HOA fees, and don’t even get Alan started on how expensive it was to register our vehicles. However, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that school lunch is only $2.50.

“You have got to see the Goodwill store here. It’s amazing.”

“I’m still getting up the nerve to go see my PCM because I don’t know if it will be a nice, helpful one or a mean, lazy one.”

You would not believe some of the experiences I’ve had, unless you’ve been a mil spouse or just a person for a long time too. Then you would definitely get it. Choosing a doctor blindly can be scary.

“We don’t have a dentist yet to put on this form, but they just had their check-ups 2 months ago, so we are not going quite yet.”

“I can’t pick a dentist blindly. How do you know the good ones from the ones who invent cavities to fill?”

I’m telling you, this happens.

“This place has the coolest library EVER!!”

“Where do people go here to eat BBQ?”

“I still can’t remember which day is trash and which day is recycling.”

Okay I know I said 14, but here are 2 more because they just keep coming to me…

“Honey! What is our zip code???”

“Wait. What state do I live in?”

I usually ask myself this at the grocery store for some reason. The sad thing is that it’s not just a freshly-moved problem. It’s a frequent-mover thing. It could be a year since our last move, and I will ask myself this in the store, usually wondering if I will be able to find certain regional foods, like Dale’s meat tenderizer.

Hope you enjoyed the list! Feel free to add to it in the comments section! Maybe I can make a Part 2.

Okay…Just one more!

“I rescheduled my heart procedure for 2 months out because that way Alan should definitely be in town. Hopefully.”

The post 14 Crazy Things I Said this Week that Make Perfect Sense for a Military Wife appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Sometimes I wonder if this is truly my ONLY area of expertise: moving. I’ve literally moved about 18 times in my life, most of those as an adult.

And every once in a while we do the truly life-changing kind of move– the kind where you move to a place you’ve never lived before where you know absolutely no one. That’s the serious adventure—struggle is real– level of moving, and I’ve only done that eight times. This particular move is all new for us, and that’s the kind of needy-level I’m talking about today.

Yep. You might feel needy and sad. You have no emergency contacts, no friends, no plans, nothing.

You are still getting lost going to the grocery store and trying to remember what day the trash runs.

Actually, this is sort of a pep talk to myself. I’ve met a grand total of 6 neighbors so far, and I’ve only been here a week, so yeah, I have a ways to go. I had to leave our dog at a boarding place during vacation, and I had to list a friend who lives 2 hours away for an “emergency contact.” Thankfully, in the age of cell phones, no one realized she was not a local person.

But the problem is that I can be a wallflower, hesitant to meet new people, which doesn’t work so hot in situations like this.

These are some strategies I’m employing to make new friends, and I hope this list will help you too.

#1. Go outside, right where you live, go outside.

This usually happens without my even being purposeful about it. It’s hard to avoid your neighbors, and they are a group you want to be friends with.

Sit on the front porch if you have one. You can take your phone with you and sit and read it. Inevitably, you will have awkward interactions with your immediate neighbors as they pass by or head to their cars. Yes, it may be uncomfortable, but it’s a phase you have to pass through.

Other ideas for going outside:

-Cut the grass. Water the grass. Pull weeds, or basically any kind of yard work.

-Take your dog for a walk.

-If you live in an apartment/townhouse/ trailer park area, go to the shared spaces like the residents-only gym or pool or park or whatever you may have.

-Wash your car.

-Sit outside and watch your kids play on tricycles or with sidewalk chalk in the front yard.

#2. Visit a church. Try going more than once or signing up for a class to up your chances for making connections.

We went Sunday, and right away I was scanning for potential friends. The people who approach us and help us find our kids’ classes are always our favorites.

If you just go, sit in the back, and leave, you may not actually meet anyone. You may still have a good worship experience, but building a community won’t happen unless you attend more than once and look for smaller groups there to plug into, like Bible studies, groups, classes, etc. Some churches even have Wednesday night dinners and service organizations you can join as well.

#3. Sign your kids up for activities.

Obviously, this is only helpful if you actually have children. It’s funny. Making friends is the easiest when you are in school and then again when you have children because you inevitably meet other people who you have plenty in common with when you are attending all those practices and games.

I’m still running behind on this one, but hey, life isn’t a race, right?

#4. Sign YOURSELF up for activities.

It sounds like a no-brainer, but I am the slowest at getting around to this one. The thing is that when you move you have a billion moving related tasks, which can take MONTHS to complete, so you aren’t in a big hurry to go sign up for a pilates class or a knitting club. But the thing is you do need a club.

Over the years, I’ve enjoyed MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers), Ladies’ Bible study groups, exercise classes, and the PTA for being involved and building a support group. I highly, highly, highly, did I mention highly, recommend MOPS!

#5. Get a job.

I haven’t gotten around to this in 13 years, the whole working outside the home thing, but when I did, my coworkers were usually my best buds. Take time to pick a few favorites, and ask them to go eat with you after work. These are people you see everyday anyway, might as well be friendly.

#6. Attend your HOA or neighborhood community organization or town hall meetings.

This one shows that you care, you will meet other people who care about your community as well, and also you will get to add valuable input to the decisions made that affect you directly.

#7. Look for volunteer opportunities.

I’ve spent a good amount of time on this one over the years. Having 4 children made it awfully hard for me to commit to a job, but volunteer service I could do. Schools always need parents to help at the lunchroom, or book fairs, or the library. In the community there are libraries, hospitals, the Red Cross, and service organizations always looking for volunteers.

If you pick a job you enjoy doing, you’re sure to meet people you have a lot in common with. I especially enjoy volunteering at the school because I end up being way more in the loop with what’s going on at my kids’ school when I’m volunteering.

#8. Visit local parks, playgrounds, pools, and events.

The surest way to meet people in your area is to leave your house and get out and explore your area. If your kids love swimming, the pool is an easy place to make friends. No kids? Try your local library or park and see if they have events or classes you can sign up for. Many libraries put on all sorts of lectures and shows or craft days that are for us, not just the kids.

#9. Be friendly. Smile at people.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t do much good to go to all these events if you never smile or look anyone in the eye. I would know because I have done tons of these events without meeting people. It’s easy to simply slip into the back row, listen quietly, duck into the bathroom during “mingle” times, and leave as soon as it’s over without ever actually talking to anyone. I’ve done it.

It’s amazing how far simply smiling will take you. I’m telling you, if you smile at them, the extraverts will very often come to you, making this process so much easier. Look for other stragglers!

#10. Say yes to invitations.

It may take a while before you actually get any invitations, but eventually you will. And then GO. Go to the baby shower, the book club, the pool party, the work thing, whatever. Just say yes and go.

#11. Search online for meet-ups, clubs, and groups you can join online but also meet in person.

One snazzy website for this is meetup.com. This site will connect you to groups in your area of literally ALL kinds.

For example, when I search my own local area, which is a small city located 30 minutes from a large city, it gives me options from my actual city, as well as groups that are within an hours reach.

Here are a few that I found where I live: a hiking club, a Moms Club, “Artificial Intelligence,” outdoor clubs, state park events, a pick-up soccer group, and an exhaustive list of groups in the greater area. Just to warn you though, this site does have both traditional community organizations on there, as well as less reputable groups as well…so you have been warned.

You can also take to the Facebook search bar and start typing in the kinds of groups you’re interested in. I found a cool hiking club that way once, as well as some of those yard sale type pages.

#12. As soon as you meet a new person, one you’ve actually talked to and connected with, friend them on Facebook or Instagram right away, and ask for their phone number too.

As hard as it may sound, if you stop at just ‘meeting people’, you will still be out of luck when it comes to feeling plugged in and having someone to text. What you need are friends, so you need to get past the acquaintance phase by asking them for their number!

I’ve also found it extremely helpful to friend people I know I’m going to see regularly in real life on Facebook, even when I haven’t known them for much time at all. The thing is that you need to have local people in that Facebook newsfeed.

I need to take all this advice myself. I’ve only been here a week, and I literally have zero local people on Facebook or in my phone. Sadness. But that’s my goal! Soon!!!

Before you know it, this too will pass.

You will be the one introducing yourself to the new people, signing up for leadership positions, and explaining where Sweet Frog is. One step at a time. I hope you find this helpful! If you have any strategies you’d like to add to the list, be sure to mention them in the comment section below.

And if you want to read more of my articles on moving, click here. I have written around eighty articles about moving, between several different websites. It’s sort of a constant theme in my life.

The post 12 Tips on How to Make Friends When You Move appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.