I came across this OLD post that I wrote in 2013. I emphasize that it’s from 2013 because I do not want any of you to get all excited and start thinking I’m expecting a baby.

There’s no baby. I’m so sorry to disappoint you. Ha!

I’m sharing this because I want every pre-school mom I know to read it. 

Some of you are like me, and you are busy, busy, busy with those little ones, and you are disappointed that you are not out there saving the world. Or you know, at least serving on the PTA. Ha! Because that’s the same right?

But why run yourself ragged? Yes, be involved in the community. You need that to stay sane, but once it gets to the point that you feel worn and empty, start cutting things. You can pick them back up later.

This is what I wrote when my first three children were ages 2-7, and I felt like I wasn’t keeping up as well as other elementary school moms:

It seems I will really never catch up on my housework. I booked myself too full of appointments and such last week to get much done. Alan is fantastic about helping, only Alan is too busy now to do much either. He had work, cub scouts, and baseball coaching this week.

We both did our best, but the fact is that we currently have more work than capable working hours.

You know what I think? I think God is preparing us for having four children. Four children, and not one over the age of seven. We need to learn our lesson now to stop signing up for activities, especially leadership roles (that’s Alan more so than me). Most all of my activities are physical maintenance and child rearing (like constant doctor visits). I did sign up to help my friend Margret with Staff Appreciation Week, and I haven’t even been able to be an effective helper! I do feel quite badly about that.

One thing that has been great this year is that I’ve met several more moms in the my neighborhood that also have preschoolers at home.

Here I am beating myself up because I cannot do all the things that Joshua’s friends’ moms do with the PTA and volunteering at school, when that is simply not the phase of life I’m in yet! These moms are a few years older than me, with no preschoolers left at home. The fact is we have different roles right now. Daniel and the baby that is soon to arrive (we do seriously plan to name him eventually) are a full-time job.

I had the privilege of walking to my Yoga class (oh, yes, I did sign up for 1 yoga class/week) with my friend Monica yesterday. Monica has a daughter in Caleb’s class. Monica also has a three-year-old, and she said some things that really made sense to me. She said something like,

“I just figure for now, while I’m taking care of a little one, I’m just not much use to anyone for much else. Even when it’s not nap time, there’s only so much I can do. You never know what her needs are going to be, or what mood she’s going to be in.” ~ Monica B.
Oh, yes, never were truer words spoken!

I’m going to finish out the things I am currently committed to (well, as best as I can), and then I’m done.

Of course, the Yoga class and the Fitness in the Park class I actually consider to be for my health. There are lots of negative health effects to gaining 50 pounds with each pregnancy, believe me! I’m still not convinced I can change that either though, but ugh I’m so tired of even thinking about pregnancy weight!

I even turned in my resignation for my Sunday school class a few weeks ago. I’m going to do it until the baby comes, and then I’ll just be home for a long time. When I finally go back, I will be attending Alan’s class, since he’s actually going to be teaching an adult class, starting in June.

Gradually, I’ll add back in nursery duty. When you’re breastfeeding you spend a ridiculous amount of time back in the church nursery feeding your baby anyway!

I’m not cutting everything, but it’s time to give my family a little extra grace and time and space to grow in. Reasonable expectations are a rewarding thing to have.

Praise the Lord for our sweet little boys. Can’t wait to meet the new one!

Have you ever gone through a phase where you simplified? Did you see a huge difference? I  certainly did, and I’d love to hear about your experience too.

The post Navigating Preschool Life: A Mom’s Expectation Makeover appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Oh, yes! Please welcome little Matthias!! (But no, he’s not mine. I just got to hold him for a while. I’m done, people. Remember?)

No…I didn’t have another baby. I did better than that. We brought this baby home with us, but we haven’t taken leave of our senses. We brought his mama home with us too.

Emma and Matthias

hehehe Aren’t they precious?

We even took Emma to my favorite place in the world, Point Lobos, a couple of days before she had the baby.

It was just a few weeks, a few of the fastest weeks ever. See, Emma’s husband is a friend of ours, from church, and he is in the military. Church family is real family because many of us don’t have the luxury of having family anywhere nearby.

When you’re in the military, you aren’t the only one making sacrifices for your country. Even your spouse makes sacrifices, yes, most of us realize that. But people often forget who else makes sacrifices…

living the patriotic life already

Our babies. Our children. Our teenagers. They sacrifice having their military parent there for birthdays, for Christmas–ouch! Christmas, and God forbid, even sometimes for births. Not to mention the service members who never return at all, leaving whole families motherless or fatherless, not just for months or years but forever.

But don’t worry. Emma’s husband, Richard, did actually manage to fly in for 3 days. He was there just long enough to be there for labor, delivery, and a little of the hospital stay before he flew back out again. Babies come no matter what orders dictate. And you can’t plan a family around the military. We decided that long ago. It’s too uncertain. You just pray for the best.

Richard enjoyed his cereal that Saturday morning, as Emma braced herself through the contractions of labor.

God greatly provided for this sweet, new family. I can’t imagine giving birth without your husband there, but it does happen to military families all the time. So glad that wasn’t the case here.

Well, Emma’s labor and deliver went beautifully. But once the baby is born, the work doesn’t end there. And to compound the situation, this young family was also in the midst of moving. We were so happy to get to be a part of it. We simply moved JD in with Dan, and believe me, they loved that, and we made the nursery back into a nursery again.

When I moved into this house, I thought, “Wow! 5 bedrooms! Wow!” It’s a gift to have so many rooms, and gifts are meant to be shared.

“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.”  Proverbs 3:27

me and Emma at her baby shower

And of course, Emma and little Matthias blessed us more than we blessed them. It was such a pleasure to hold a newborn again. Did you know that rocking a sweet newborn baby is good for your heart? Oh, it is. They kept giving us thank you gifts, but we didn’t need gifts. This was a wonderful thing to be a part of. I am so thankful. Y’all know I love to be the hostess.

But yesterday morning I drove these two to the airport because they are flying overseas to be with Emma’s parents for a couple of weeks, and then Emma and Matthias will reunite with her husband and move to their next duty station. Matthias is literally gong on tour first to meet all of his people.

Emma said, “Let’s wake him up so he will sleep on the airplane.” Smart momma.

sort of awake

totally unaware that he’s about to fly across the Pacific Ocean

There are no lengths that a military family won’t go to to see the grandparents. It’s such a unique lifestyle. Matthias is 3 weeks old, and he has more stamps on his passport than most of us! Yes, he even has a passport!

Y’all this girl is so brave. She has taken all of this in stride: first baby, husband being away, flying overseas, and moving…Shew! That’s a lot! Her positive attitude was such a blessing.

“Wake up, Matthias.” “Ehhhh…”

Matthias has gotten a quick introduction into the strange lifestyle that we lead, as military families.

And in only 4 more weeks our not-so-young-and-little family will also be reminded, as we up-root yet again for our 9th move. Yep. 9th. 

But it’s a great adventure. And I say bring it on. God bless, Emma! Thank you for sharing some time with us! We will miss you all!

Bye-bye, sweet baby!!!

The post When We Met Matthias: Story of a Military Family appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Being a mom these days feels sort of like trying to accomplish the impossible. Clean the house, feed the people wholesome well-rounded meals, wash the clothes, make fun and elaborate lesson plans, teach the children, exercise, and still look beautiful for your husband when he gets home. Or maybe those are just my issues…

As a stay-at-home mom, one can even be tempted to think that she must do all of this for herself, by herself. “I have no job outside the home, so that means I have to do it ALLLL. This place should look like a magazine, even while children are running all over it.”

Well, that makes no sense whatsoever. Children are exhausting. Toddlers are especially so. They are wonderful and adorable, and I love them so much that we had four of them, on purpose. However, by 3pm everyday, I sometimes look like a pile of emotionally wrought mush, sitting on my sofa, saying things like, “Okay! Who wants to watch a movie!!??? Pick a long one…”

Then I feel guilty when my husband arrives home, and I practically fly out the door to go take a walk by myself.  There’s this one lady I see on my walk, every time, outside playing with her three little boys. What a great momma. She probably thinks I don’t have a clue. Ha! I am so with you, sister! You just only see me when I’m escaping!!! I would tell you that, but I am surprisingly shy.

I thought about this guilt thing yesterday morning, as I was still in bed, and yet I could hear my amazing husband, returning from the gym, and getting John David out of his crib….at 5:30am.  Sometimes I wonder. Is Alan just a way better person than me with infinity more energy than I have?

He exercises at 5 am. Sometimes JD or Daniel, or even both, wake up that early, and Alan puts them in the double jogger, and takes them with him.

Why can’t I do that? Will you ever see me out jogging at 5 am, with two babies in a jogging stroller?

Don’t hold your breath.

Then Alan comes home and even makes those little ones breakfast! Okay, I’m starting to feel super lazy…  But do you know what Alan DOESN’T have to do?

He does not stay home with them all day long every day. After all, someone around here really should go to work… 😉 He does not have to mediate their every dispute. From morning until evening, he is free of diaper duty and meal supervision. He does not have to write their lesson plans. He does not have to teach them reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic. Nor does he have to make them say “An element is a basic chemical substance defined by its atomic number (number of protons) and atomic mass.”

Daddy does not have to listen to four children take turns crying, falling, whining, or complaining all day long. Oh, that might make my darlings sound bad. They are NOT bad. They are FANTASTIC, lovable children, but they ARE children. Children are not miniature adults. They are more like larvae. They have lots and lots and lots of needs, and whoever spends all day trying to meet those little larval needs will 100% guaranteed be very wiped out by the end of the day.

That’s right. Hug your childcare provider. Seriously. It’s draining.

This is why there are two parents. Some people aren’t that lucky. Many times you can’t help it. There’s only one parent, and you do the best you can do to get by in that situation. That is insanely hard. Every single time Alan deployed, leaving me alone with our children for months on end, I packed my kids up and lived close to family. That whole village thing is no joke. No one should have to raise children alone.

So ideally, there are two parents, and that is by design. We are not polar bears.

What am I talking about with the polar bears?

Well, my first-born son obsessed over all things animals for several years. We watched these two polar bear documentaries over and over. I can tell you with great confidence, “Be glad that we are not like polar bears.” Polar bear cubs are raised exclusively by their mothers. The fathers are too mean. They steer clear of the father. If they don’t, he could actually attack the cubs, so it’s important to just stick with mama. Mama Bear does it all.

People aren’t like that. Mama shouldn’t do it all. That’s why Daddy is there. It’s a shared job. I’m so thankful I married an especially great one. I was so extremely careful about who I even dated, for that very reason.

Alan cooks breakfast every morning for whoever is up early with him. Alan gets the laundry started many days. He packs his own lunch. He cleans up in the kitchen. He earns allll of OUR money.  When Alan comes home at the end of the day, he knows that I will probably have supper made, but he also knows that I will be desperate to get out and go for a walk, just to have a little silence. Alan is our number one boy hair comber and toothbrushing supervisor. He is also better at keeping up with Caleb’s medication than I am. We take turns cleaning up after supper. We take turns on a lot of things. We put the kids to bed together, every single night, and we always have.

I’m SO thankful that I have Alan. Taking care of babies and toddlers is a special kind of exhausting. Thankfully, that’s getting a little easier here. Daniel is almost 4!!!  JD is 18 months and is sleeping a little better lately.

Mothers of little ones, hang in there. Enjoy those hugs and cuddles as much as you possibly can, and never feel guilty about your need to hand over those little ones and have alone time. Seize it! What we are doing is something that is bigger than ourselves. It is a selfless but necessary job, and it is so incredibly important.

No one person can do everything. I figure it’s more important to be happy than to do every single thing that “needs” to be done. I guess it’s easy for me to say that since I am not really much of a perfectionist. Writing is something I’ve done for therapy since I was eight years old. Find your therapy. Cling to every bit of good that you can find in your life.

Before you know it, those little ones will be big ones. My oldest is nine now, and he doesn’t need me all the time anymore. He’s actually a pretty good helper. All that work is starting to pay off for me!

Here comes Dan. He still needs me about every 5 minutes. He decides when my fun time is over….yeah, it’s over. Oh well, I suppose I should cook supper too. Let me go see if I can find Alan…. 😉

The post We are not polar bears. Don’t struggle alone. appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

I fed him pudding. I ran upstairs to get something. I got distracted by a book. When I came back, Daniel had finished eating and moved onto nap. Wow, Daniel.

Daniel, age 6 months, napping on my friend Sherry, during Alan’s promotion ceremony

There are many things my beautiful little boys do well. Yes, I am sorry. I said beautiful.  They are!! Handsome, if it makes you feel better, but my goodness, they look like sleeping angels to me.

This is one of the things we do with FLARE. That’s right. We NAP. We are seriously great nappers. I remember one time, in Sunday school, our class was debating rest on Sundays. Who would debate that? Seriously. Don’t just agree to rest, embrace it, love it, protect it. The people need their naps!!!

All children look even sweeter when they are asleep, don’t you think? My blogging pal Slyvia at Tales from the Mommy Trenches had this post of  her babies sleeping on their daddy, and I thought it was SO adorable. I knew I had to copy cat, but when I went through recent photos, I found most of our pictures are of our children sleeping in the floor, soooooo…

I put together this little napping slideshow for ya. I hope you all get at least one day off a week, to just do this!

 Not one sleeping babe, but two. It doesn’t get any sweeter than this.

 Gotta love the nursing induced coma–a powerful bedtime ritual!

 Caleb sleeping on his Mama 🙂

Caleb sleeping on his daddy…or wait, no, Daddy is doing the sleeping!

 We sleep in the car.

They even sleep in their beds, without us even asking them to. I used to find Caleb sleeping in Joshua’s bed.

Caleb, sleeping in his own bed, with his Daddy doll, when Alan was in Afghanistan.

 They even trust each other. That’s newborn Dan, sleeping on three-and a half year-old Caleb.

 serious rump-in-the-air-sleep
 Caleb, 6 months, passed out on the couch, on Christmas day

I used to have to wake Daniel up from his nap every day at 2:30, to go get the boys from school. I put his gloves and jacket on him, in his sleep, and carried him out to the stroller.

passed out in a room full of kids

I’m going to slide down and go play, wait noooo, nooo, I’m just gonna zzzzzz.

Daniel seemed to prefer dropping down and sleeping in the living room floor.

just plain exhausted

But if I said the words, “nap time,” he’d run and hide in Daddy’s closet.

. ….ah, the ever peaceful Ergo nap.

We wish you all a restful day and a wonderful week!

The post Will Nap Anywhere appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Dan was such a good baby. I did not have to ‘sleep train’ him. Yet, somehow he gradually developed a bad pattern, and we had to work on it.  What is it with our toddlers??

The funny thing is I TOTALLY forgot that I ever had to “sleep-train” Dan at the ripe old age of 20 months. If you would have asked me, before I found this old blog post from 2012, what kind of sleeper Dan was, I would’ve said, “wonderful.” HAAAA!  The Mom Brain is a funny thing, full of selective memories.

I totally blame the sleep deprivation.

Don’t despair when you tell your woes to moms who are out of this phase. They have selectively pruned most negative memories, and they may think that you just don’t know what you’re doing. Don’t worry. That’s not the case.

So what gives with these babies? Sometimes you just need to examine the circumstances surrounding your toddler.

We’ll get to what I did for Daniel in 2012 in a minute. First, let’s talk about my current toddler, J.D. This summer JD gave us FITS in the middle of the night. He still had to have a bottle. He still had to be rocked.  Some nights he would wake up every couple of hours. It was miserable.

Did I let JD cry it out? No. No. No.  This isn’t rocket science. In this case, I firmly believe the right thing to do was to suck it up and just be there for my baby. JD was in the middle of a domino-effect of life changes, and he was only a 12 month old. To ignore his cries actually would have been pretty mean because he needed some extra reassurance. We were out of our ordinary routine, moving from place to place, from the beginning of June through just a couple of weeks ago.

Guess what happened? Well, let’s NOT count our chickens before they hatched, but I THINK it worked itself out on its own.  We’ve had two glorious full nights of rest. Who knows–he may wake up once tonight, or he may sleep all night. Either way, this is not bad.

Honestly, I could never let a little baby just cry and cry without consoling them. I can’t do it for too long for a 20-month-old either, but apparently I did cave and let Daniel cry a while. I knew there was nothing wrong with him, and he was getting cuddled all day long, so it really did pay off.

For my first two munchkins: I re-sleep trained them any time it was necessary–pretty much just used the “Ferber” method. We would put them to bed, and then flee the room. We have always found that having an established bedtime routine makes a huge difference.  Once we left the room, if they cried without stopping, we’d go in there after 5 minutes, pick them up–yes—pick them up, console them for a bit, and lay them back down. I’d do this in increasing intervals. The truth is, I’m a softie, and usually by the third interval, my “consoling” would put them to sleep. This all worked just fine.

However, Dan gave me enough trouble that I had to get tough with him. In November 2012, I resorted to some longer intervals:

This is what I wrote in 2012 about sleep-training the Dan Man. He was 20 months old. Also, I should tell you, that Daniel was quite the mischief maker during the day. I described that too….

“-Daniel is still a sleep challenge. THANKFULLY, he DID finally sleep through the night last night. However, as we speak he is in the crying it out process in his crib….

 

 

 

-(About my missing wedding rings–sadness!) I still haven’t found my wedding rings. I am pretty sure they were flushed. I have good circumstantial evidence pointing in that direction.

–Daniel went to sleep!!!!! Hallelujah! Sleep training= letting them cry it out, but never more than an hour. After a couple days of that, they decide crying for an hour is just not worth it!

-His current goal is to put his shoes on by himself. I find him practicing all the time. OH! Also, he said “Joshua”, actually “Yoshwa”, and “Caleb”, “Cay-cay”, this week! We were so excited!

-Tonight I walked into the boys’ bathroom, yes at our house there is actually a boys’ bathroom, to find Caleb putting toothpaste on Daniel’s toothbrush for him. Dan was leaning on the sink, waiting patiently.

-About Daniel’s name: I like Daniel, Dan, and Dan-Dan, even the Dan Man, but I do not like Danny–I really don’t like Danny at all. Just wanted to make sure everyone knows.

-Yesterday I wanted to shower while all the boys were running loose in the house, so I paid Joshua and Caleb $1 a piece to keep Daniel out of trouble while I took my shower. Best idea I’ve had in a while, and money well spent!”

**************

And now look at us, 2014, and dealing with so many of the same issues all over again!

We’ve read Babywise and tried that. We’ve Ferber-ized. You name it; we’ve done it. I also read that if you want to keep your children from waking up in the middle of the night, you should be sure to spend time talking (NICELY) to your spouse each day. Make sure your kids are watching while you chat with your spouse to really build up security points!!  That gives them security, so they wake up crying–or walking to your bed–less at night. I will say, Alan and  I were in two different states for half the summer, so that also could have contributed to JD’s insecurity.

They call the parent-talk time “couch time,” and I do think that’s a great idea. Google it.

So, in summary:

1. Different times call for different measures. You choose what works for you and your baby.

2. These are not hard and fast rules. There are none. Even if the American Academy of Pediatrics put out guidelines about it, you’d still need to go with common sense.

3. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

4. Every kid is different.

******************

Quote of the week:

Alan: I’ll put the trampoline together right now if ya’ll can tell me all the states and capitals ya’ll have learned.

Boys:  Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Alan:  What’s the capital of Vermont?

one of the boys:  Massachusetts!!!!!!

Alan: This could take a while.

🙂 They’ve got it down now, and the trampoline was a life saver today. 🙂 Roll Tide. Yep. It’s that time of year again.

The post Mommy Brain: Probably the Result of Sleep Torture appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

In my head, and even sometimes on paper, I always have at least 10 good ideas for things I want to write about on my blog.

I even sometimes manage to write it all out in my head, exactly what I will write….if I can just get a minute…..to make that my priority.

Just this week, there was a delicious 7 layer cake that I made, numerous thoughts on my first year of parenting 4 children, even more thoughts on John David’s first year, there have been countless farewell thank you’s I have wanted to say, and people I wanted to recognize, and 5 years of DC experiences I’d love to reminisce. There have been hilarious quotes from my children, public embarrassment that we have suffered, brilliant ideas that I’ve gotten from my friends……oh the list goes on and on.

But the thing is I’m too busy. Even now, it is 10pm, and I really should be sleeping because it is Sunday night, we had a non-stop weekend, and I am exhausted.

I guess it will be a long, long time before I finish that book I started two years ago.

Do you know why? I’m just too busy being a mom and enjoying life to get much actual work done.

Maybe when we move and none of us have any friends, I’ll write more. This blog will serve as my notes. If life ever slows down, I will have this blog to look back on this phase of constant activity and young, precious, needy little ones to care for. I will look back and remember. How I love it!!  I do!

Alan and I did not start out our marriage planning to have a ‘big family,’ and really, our family isn’t all that big–just a little above average. I’m so thankful that we took the chance and that God blessed us the way that he has.

“Who am I, O LORD God, and what is mine house, that thou hast brought me hitherto?”   1 Chronicles 17:16

It was actually even tastier than it looks, thank you very much.

Today I sold my breast pump to a lady exactly my age.

She is 4 months pregnant and excited to become a stay-at-home-mom. She asked me how I like it. “It’s great!” I told her, “and I think it’s easier.” I do. Well, it’s just a little less to juggle–no career stress and no childcare stress. Good childcare is hard to find–and that especially matters when you are having to find full-time childcare.

Staying home with my children is a privilege–a privilege that many women cannot afford to have, and I am so thankful for it.

I keep reading about ways to “make money blogging.” I would love to make money blogging. Is it going to happen anytime soon? Nope. I just can’t make myself do it. I have approval from an ad agency sitting in my email account. All I would have to do is code it into my site to just get the ball rolling. Eventually, I will. It won’t make much at first, but it would be a first step. I would love to make enough eventually to send my children to a good private school… one day.

But that day is not today. Today I start to blog, and I hear Daniel ask me to read him a book….okay…of course I will….Then I start to blog later, and I hear JD waking up from his nap. Nope, not blogging time yet. Then there are mouths to feed, messes to clean up, errands to run, diapers to change…..well you get the idea. Is it really possible to ‘work from home’ with two toddlers under foot?

By 10 pm, my duties are somewhat done. Not really. There are pans in the sink from that cake I made. 7 layers, people!!

(In my defense, I did run the dishwasher.)  I didn’t do any laundry today, so I have four full hampers to contend with tomorrow, at least. On Sunday, I deserve the day off from the laundry, so no guilt there.

So at 10pm, my chores are at a stopping place, and I can finally blog. I think I would need more than just an hour every few nights to build a profitable website.

These other little jobs are just more important to me than any blogging or writing or money ever will be. This is such a short phase, and I want to enjoy it because you know what? Babies don’t keep.

The post Delaying Dreams When You are Busy Being Mom appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

That’s us at a Washington Nationals game on Memorial Day. We love baseball games, and that was really fun.

Plus, we’ve gotten to see some wonderful friends this week. Thanks for having us over, Pastor and Terri!!!

Their dog is probably still recovering from what Daniel seemed to think was their ‘play date.’ Poor Annie.

So good things have happened, and a few crummy things have happened, but nothing all that terrible. I think the main thing getting to me is just the stress of this humongous move!!

So three thoughts for today:

1. A good night’s sleep will fix a lot of things. I’m hoping to go get one in a minute.

2. A grumpy baby will ruin anyone’s day. If you don’t believe me, then it has obviously been a long time since you hung out with one.

3. The world still turns. All of today’s problems will be forgotten three weeks from now.

4. No matter how early I get up to have coffee, every child in this house will be awake before I’ve gotten the coffee poured into my cup…

But they are ADORABLE. Here’s your weekly dose of adorable. Just watch this video of JD crawling over to wake up his brother:

Choose joy….choose joy…..choose joy….I’ll just keep repeating it to myself.  Never mind that the dryer and the washer are both full and I want to go to bed. I’m choosing joy…….

How’s everyone else’s week going?? I could use some GOOD news. Or some misery company…ha….

The post On the Outside Looking In appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.