Age 19

I was a freshman at the University of Alabama.

Back then it felt like I was undecided about EVERYTHING. That was the semester we helped our friend Jason try out for Big Al, and he made it! That was the spring they fired Alabama football Coach Mike Dubose, after he had an affair with his secretary. I went from “14th floor girl” to an off campus apartment dwelling sophomore. I had no boyfriend, yet I still managed to get my heart broken a couple of times. I was always falling in love, or like, or confusion.

I was the QUEEN of clueless dating, as in I could not have been more clueless about how to handle boys.

Mostly I played hard to get, and it worked. No one got me. Ha! I was 19, and for most of us, that was what we did. Right? Surely I wasn’t the only one.

I cannot, for the life of me, remember if I spent that summer working at the physical therapy clinic or the shoe store. During the school year, I worked at Alumni Hall for the best boss ever. On campus jobs are the best!

I do remember that when I was 19, I knew exactly who I was, but I had no idea where I was going or what I would be.

That’s right. I was an undecided major. I hated that label. It felt sketchy. I was a scholarship winner. I should have a plan, a purpose of some kind! I should at least know where I was going in life.

But I didn’t. The funny thing is that I was already fulfilling my callings. I was already volunteering. Every Tuesday afternoon, I worked at Kid’s Klub, an after school club in the housing projects, where we taught kids about Jesus. I also recruited every boy I ever had a crush on to go work it with me. That eventually made it awkward after they blew me off but kept going to Kid’s Club. Ha!!

And I wrote constantly. I wrote almost every single day.

My habit was that every time I sat down to study, and I studied somewhat faithfully, I would first read something from my Bible and write in my journal.

I was always poor, as in literally out of money, so I occasionally picked up writing assignments for extra money. Someone once asked me what I used that money for. I was like, “Huh?? For food!”

Getting Crushed Too Easily…

The university had a program where you could test out of Freshman Comp (English for freshmen). Therefore, I got to enroll in an American Literature class when I was 19. That class did not go well. The grungy graduate student who taught the class hated my papers. He gave me a B+ on every single one. That seems like a fine score to me now, but back then I knew something was amiss. He never made any marks on the page. I suspected that he didn’t even read them.

I was a firm believer in talking to professors. I used to get my Bs changed to As every single semester, simply by talking to the teacher. I learned this from the movie Clueless. Thank you, Alicia Silverstone.

The graduate student, who spent each class telling us about whatever he did that weekend and how weird he thought southerners were, informed me that my papers “were like a clean coat of paint with nothing underneath.”

Youch.

He said if I wowed him on the final paper, I could get an A.

I should really find better “back in the day” photos…

I spent that week working on everything but that final paper, saved it for the last two days, and could not for the life of me find a poem I liked enough to write a paper about.

I finally scribbled out something ridiculous and turned it in. (I should have gone with Robert Louis Stevenson. You can never go wrong with Robert Louis Stevenson.)

My writer dream died that year.

Was that professor right? Maybe a little. I didn’t care much about the topics I was writing about. I was nineteen. I cared more about finding a way to walk to his class without having giant sweat circles under my arms. Tuscaloosa, Alabama is HOT, y’all! Also I was more concerned about my crushes than I was about writing brilliant essays.

Ah, well.

I was also wrong.

You cannot let the opinions of just one person, especially a person that does not even know you, affect your decisions.

I do not necessarily regret my undecided major or the fact that I never took another college literature class. It was just part of my story, and it’s a great lesson to look back on of not letting hurtful words, whether they are true or not, get you down.

Who cares if he didn’t like my papers?

Some people DID like my writing. More importantly, my writing has served many purposes in my life and in the lives of others.

I do want to live a life that pleases God. I do want to be a blessing to my family. Everyone else? Eh…. I do want to be a blessing to them, but I don’t need their approval.

The surest way to please NO ONE is to try to please everyone.

Besides, some people will never be pleased.

I did eventually declare a major: psychology, pre-physical therapy. Later on I dropped the pre-physical therapy part.

I have used my degree too, but it has never been in either of those fields because life is funny like that. The thing is, I’m a writer. I was then, and I am now. I could no more quit writing than I could change my eye color.

If you are an undecided major, or you haven’t figured out “your purpose” yet, just keep charging forward. Stop and notice what you’re already doing. Maybe that IS your purpose. It’ll eventually make more sense. Maybe you just need more time to hone your craft before you can share it. I did. True, I tried many different things and felt a little lost in the sauce after graduating, but that is a story for another day.

Wear your “undecided” with joy. Your day is coming.

Thanks for the inspiration, Tamera!

I’m off to throw a surprise birthday party with my neighbors! Happy Birthday, Jackie!!

The post Hey, It’s Okay to be an Undecided Major! appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

roommate reunion: Jason, Heather, Asher, and me

On day four of our vacation, we went to the San Diego Zoo.

I even managed to arrange to meet my college roommate and her family there. I was so excited and nervous to see them! I haven’t seen Jason and Heather since 2002! They don’t know Alan! Weird, huh?

Many of you know that I met Alan in college, where we began dating. Most of you don’t know too much about my life before Alan, and digging up all of these photos of my roomie Heather really took me back in time!

We had this fantastic group that we formed my freshman year of college. I don’t even know how it really came to be, but it was always the seven of us. First, I met Nikki.

We had Spanish together. We became friends, and I began having lunch with Nikki and her boyfriend Derrick at Burke Cafeteria. I met Heather through Nikki. I don’t remember how I met Ginny. But we all just knew each other. When the four of us girls became friends, we were all college freshmen, on the 14th floor of our residence hall. We used to call our larger group (there were tons of us) the 14th floor girls.

Jason entered the scene in January of our freshman year. It had to be January because I remember that it was basketball season, and Heather invited Jason to go to a basketball game with a group of her friends. Enter always single, never- has- a -date April. She’s a perfect addition to a group date. Haaa!

Actually, as I looked back through these pictures, I began to remember that I was ALWAYS the 3rd or 5th wheel to Derrick and Nikki and Heather and Jason.

This is another reason it isn’t healthy to look back. This all sounds sad for me, doesn’t it?

Don’t feel sorry for me. I occasionally did get invited to things by other people, and I had plenty of friends. I had my crushes, but I was happy being single.

We had lots of girly fun too. This was Heather, getting ready for a real date with Jason, a date on which, I promise I did not tag along. 😉 When we took this picture, Heather never suspected that April would go on to be a blogger (because blogs didn’t exist in 1999) who would post a photo of her with her hair in curlers on the interwebbin’.

Don’t worry, ya’ll. If I thought Heather would mind, I wouldn’t post it, but see that’s what I love about this group. This is why I would subject myself to third and fifth wheel-dom.

They were FUN.

We had so much fun. Jason and Brett were hilarious. Ginny and Derrick were laid back. Nikki was always saying something you didn’t expect. Heather had no filter at all, and I just remember laughing until my face hurt. I loved every single one of them. They were my little college family, the first two years.

the Mona Lisa and ol’ Leonardo da Vinci

See! These two are FUN!

Big Al Try-outs!

Jason was from San Diego, and he came to Alabama with a plan to be Big Al. When Big Al try-outs came around, we joined in the fun. I don’t know what all he had to do to try out, but our part was to participate in a skit, which he wrote and choreographed. I was Auburn in the skit. That was such a big deal. For the skit, Jason wore the Big Al costume, there was dancing, and I don’t remember what all, and then he knocked Auburn (me) down and struck a pose.

And how could he not win, with a team like us behind him?

Jason as Big Al, along with Nikki, Gretchen, me, and Heather

It’s fun to look back. I have been so lucky to have such wonderful friends. College days are long behind us now. Jason has his own marketing and design firm, and he works all over the country. Actually, he and his friend Casey started that when we were still at the university. He and Heather also had their first baby last year. Yes, I said first. There will be more. I just know it. Heather is a program coordinator for a church in San Diego. She has also written a book and worked in the news business for 10 or so years.

Heather, Asher, and me. I have found that most babies love to play with water bottles.

So now, more years than I’d like to admit later…….here we are, both living in California. Who would have ever thought?

But I’m not a third wheel now. 🙂 I have these guys.

Alan and I got a sad chuckle out of the contrast between our pictures now, as opposed to our fresh, young college photos.

I loved that Jason and Heather took time out of their schedules to see the zoo–which they’ve seen countless times–again with us.

We have lived in a couple of tourist destinations now, and we’ve always heard our friends say things like, “I don’t care what we do. I just want to see ya’ll.” I never realized how much they meant that until I got to be the visitor instead of the visited. It really wasn’t about the zoo for me. It was about catching up with people that are important to me, friends that were there for me when I needed them, friends that know where I’m from.

But don’t worry. I know. You actually did come here for the zoo photos. We will try not to disappoint:

The flamingos are so cute when they all run together.

It seemed like there were lots of birds.

an Alan and April photo! We never get these!!

learning about spider exoskeletons

This biologist works with San Diego Zoo’s insects, and he was so friendly. We were really impressed with how much he loves his work. This man is excited about some bugs. I truly appreciated the time that he spent talking to the boys about his work.

Naked mole rats!

Joshua was ALLL about this Skyfari. He rode it three times.

Actually, we all enjoyed it.

Daniel and the lion’s den…….baaaahahahaha

Cheetah!

They keep a dog in the cheetah cage, which the cheetah was raised with. The presence of the dog keeps the cheetah calm. Isn’t that interesting?

really humongous rodent thing: like a capybara

Caleb loved this.

I literally glanced at this photo and thought these were all my children. Then I looked more closely. The boys were so excited to get to hold Asher!

so happy

After the zoo, we headed over to the Corvette Diner. We had so much fun that my face hurt again, so that’s big time success.

First, there was a magician, and that was so funny. I can’t explain it, but magicians + children = hilarious.

See my laughing face? The magician was trying to keep from busting up himself.

Jason is very personable, and Daniel took right to him.

While I wasn’t even noticing, Daniel poured ketchup on his spaghetti. He thought it was delicious. Jason helped him with those long noodles. Thank you, Jason!

It was so funny. I can’t even explain it.

Preciousness!

Even John David was fascinated with baby Asher. He “helped” Jason carry him out.

I love catching up with friends. Please know that you always have a place to stay in Northern Cal, Jason and Heather! We’re here until next summer!

And that wraps up this vacation series…..back to real life!

The post Day #4: San Diego Zoo and a Throwback to the Capstone appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.