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Everyone goes through hard or hectic, confusing times. It seems like we’re constantly wading knee-deep in and out of huge changes for as long as I can remember, really.

2018 does not wish to be upstaged. As peaceful and incredible as 2017 was, 2018 decided to leave more of …an impression. Personally, I liked the humdrum and happiness of 2017 much, much better.

I won’t go into all that is going on, but we’ll just say the hurricane is still swirling for our family, and I do mean my whole extended family in several different ways.

3 generations of amazing strong, brave women. We all came from Beth and Max. In that photo we were gathered for Madison’s Sweet 16 party.

Do you ever feel like your life has a soundtrack?

Raising children has been the adventure of my life, and there have been many anthems over the years, like I Feel Better When I’m Dancin’ and Day by Day (the hymn) and Mama Loves the Baby. I sang “Mama Loves the Baby” to John David so many times to get him to go to sleep. When I’m an old senile woman in a nursing home, don’t be surprised if I’m sitting there rocking and singing “Mama loves the baby, Mama loves the baby. Mama loves the baby, oh yes she does..”

Have you ever had an MRI? Two weeks ago I was in the MRI tunnel. Normally that never bothers me, claustrophobic-wise during a hip/lower back MRI, and I’ve had several of those, thanks to my sciatic problem. But when I do the cardiac one with all the breath holding, I go a little bonkers in there. Literally I feel like I’m trapped and hyperventilating in some kind of hole I cannot get out of.

Thankfully, they give you music during an MRI. She asked me to name an artist I like because their music comes from Pandora. It randomly selects songs in that same genre as the artist you name.

Now you know I have a whole playlist of songs/artists that I love, but when put on the spot I could not thing of the name of a single person who sings songs on the radio. Not one.

I thought long and hard and managed to come up with Rachel Platt. Only it turns out there is no Rachel Platt. It’s Rachel Platten. Thankfully, Pandora understood what I meant anyway. It did give me Rachel Platten songs. I was hoping for Fight Song, but that didn’t happen.

However, Pandora did play Brave by Sara Bareilles, which came on right when I needed it. My right arm, which had the IV in it had fallen asleep, but I couldn’t move it. There was that tight space, and there was just no where to run, but this song came on. This song is one I listen to at home, but not so much that I’m sick of it yet.

And it has been truly my anthem. Having “I wanna see you be brave” sang to me over and over again, was perfect.

Brave.

I don’t always want to be brave. Do you? Doesn’t it feel better to cuddle up on the couch and hide?

But we weren’t meant to be scared little mice or to hide away. We were made to live and to love even when life is making us cry. Life does that sometimes, and it comes at you from all corners at once. Or you just see your family dealing with something hard, and it gets you down, you know?

I think it’s important for us to fill up our tanks with God’s love, so we have that love and light to give because He is the light, and He is the love.

“‘Together’ is a really good word. Together is what we need when we hit tough patches in life. Making decisions when life is making you cry shouldn’t be done alone.” –Lysa Terkeurst, in The Best Yes

How do you fill your tank with God’s love and light? We need God’s word for that, God’s word, other believers who lift us up to the light, and time and space to think on it and pray.

I’ve personally been reading in Isaiah, of late. Isaiah has a surprising amount to say about Jesus, considering he was born centuries before Jesus. Isaiah was a prophet, and he was writing about what was coming.

“Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say ‘Here I am.’

If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.

And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”                     Isaiah 58: 9-11

God wants to “see you be brave” too.

I hope you can pump your fist through your trials and sing, “Let the words fall out honestly. I wanna see you be brave,” too.

Alan brightened my morning by showing up after the MRI to take me to lunch. Is there any feeling like when people care?

This has been a highly frustrating week here, but I know all problems are eventually resolved or transformed into memories. It’s always a reminder to me to rely on God and lean on those who love me, and to be there for them too. Having faith and having each other is what makes it all worth doing.

The post “I Wanna See You Be Brave” appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Notice where things are growing.

Last weekend, Alan and I drove to church separately. We do that often since I rarely wake up early enough to leave on time, which bothers Alan. He so badly wants to be on time.

Oddly enough, I needed to be extra early to work the nursery that morning, so it was just J.D. and me in the van, and we were even earlier than Alan.  I was doing well, zipping down the highway. I didn’t have the radio on, and J.D. was extra quiet. Naturally, I began to get lost in thought.

I live lost in thought. It is such a large problem that my children have taken to coaching me as I drive.

“Don’t miss your turn, Mom!”

“Mom, were you supposed to turn there???”

“No, thank you, I know exactly where I’m going. It’s okay.”

They aren’t being sassy or anything. This is actually what is required to keep my mind from drifting. It is a sad piece of business, but it is my reality. I think it’s a writer thing. Surely all writers are dreamers. How could you ever come up with ideas if you aren’t constantly meditating, dreaming, reading, studying, or wondering??

The big boys were not there to keep me grounded that day, so my mind began to……

Just think of Daniel as my mind, headed off on a trail.

I looked out my windows at the brown, brown, everywhere nothing but brown. The California drought situation BOTHERS me. The parched ground, the water restrictions, the bone dry ponds, and the wildfires are like obnoxious little yappy dogs to me. Drought feels like a sign of God’s disapproval and not his blessing.

I don’t know why this state isn’t praying harder for rain, but we need to stand in the gap for them. You know they grow all of our food. These are wonderful farmers, teachers, doctors, and tradespeople. I’ve met many wonderful people since moving here. The Californians I know love God and are good people. These sweet friends have been a blessing to our family and an encouragement in a time when I needed it badly!  I hope you will join me in praying for rain!

As I looked around me in dismay at the dry, brittle ground, I suddenly noticed that there are still small green valleys.

“Oh, the valleys are so green!” I thought, “How have I always missed this? The mountains are ugly and brown, but people love to climb them. We love to be on the ‘mountain-tops of life,’ and yet it is in the valleys where the growing takes place.  Hmmmm There is growth in the valleys, and the higher the mountain, the colder one becomes…..”

As I became even deeper engrossed in my thoughts, I whizzed several exits past the exit that I was supposed to take in order to be on time for nursery duty….

“The highest mountains are so freezing that they are covered in snow, and you can die up there. How like people. Too much success and too little humbling, and we become proud,cold, and hard and can’t grow at all, like a mountain top! This is like the rich people who have been wealthy for so long that they have no empathy for the poor, the healthy that do not sympathize with the sick, the supposedly morally upright who despise their weaker brothers.

But in the valleys of life, that’s where we grow! That’s where we remember what pain feels like. Love grows that way.”

Now let me stop and clarify here that I was only thinking all of this in my head and not saying any of it out loud, so officially you can’t classify me as crazy.

“But wait a minute. It’s not a perfect analogy because some valleys don’t feel green at all. They feel like hard, spiky ground. Hmmmm…”

And I am sorry to tell you that I didn’t resolve the hard, spiky feeling of the valley to the lush, beautiful valleys that I saw around me until later because right about then, I noticed that I was in an area that I do not recall ever seeing before.

“Oh, MAN!!! I missed my exit!!” Now this is where my thoughts became very much out loud. I process problems out loud, and I do wish I would learn to be quieter about it.

I took the very next exit, only to discover that it was just another major highway, with nowhere to turn around. I ended up in some town I’d never heard of before. I took a U-turn. I made my way back to the main road.

To make a long story a little shorter, I’ll just tell you that I proceeded to take yet another wrong exit because several exits have the same name. Seriously. It was a rough morning.

I pulled into the church parking lot only a few minutes later than I had intended to be, scolding myself with, “I have got to pay attention,” over and over again, but my take away lesson was two-fold.

1. We grow more in the valleys, of that I am certain.
2. Most importantly, one must FOCUS on the task at hand. Do not look to the right or to the left. Just pay attention, or you will end up in Castroville. Focus. Focus. Focus. Forget multi-tasking. Just pay attention.

These are the sort of lessons that dreamers must sometimes learn more than once.

And now, let’s talk about the hard, spiky, or sometimes even drowning feeling of the valleys.

There are valleys in life that do not feel like you are growing at all, but the fact is that growth can be painful. Sometimes, when it rains, it looks like the rain has destroyed the flowers, but without the rain, the flowers will die.

Pain isn’t always necessary for growth, but no one can avoid pain in life.

It’s how we respond to it that determines if we look more like a green valley or a rocky valley. Do I take the bad things that happen to me, internalize them as lies, and allow myself to become bitter?

We all walk through valleys, but sometimes we find ourselves in pits or sinkholes. That is not the same. When we are in a pit, we need to call out for help.

Never believe that things won’t get better. You never know what’s on the other side of that mountain. The top of the mountain might not be the best place to grow, but the view is something worth seeing, and you’ll build some crazy-strong muscles trying to climb it.

Let’s go climbing!

If God says it, you can believe it. Let’s go climbing!

…16Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.17Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. 18Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

James 5:16-18

28Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. 29He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power.…

Isaiah 40:28-29

The post Two Important Life Lessons I Learned From Getting Lost appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

My kids are the classic military kids. They have weathered years of deployments. They have said good-bye to so many friends, and they have moved several times in their short lives.

This particular move is bigger for the boys, though. This is the first move that Joshua and Caleb will remember for the rest of their lives.

Saying good-bye to people that you are close to, people that are like family, is hard. It’s also hard to watch your kids have to deal with the hurt. I had to hold both boys, at separate times, yesterday evening, as they cried over leaving their friends. Oh, that was sad. How it made me want to fix it! But you can’t fix it, you just have to be there.

Caleb was so down that he actually walked home from a school function without telling anyone. Alan had taken the three oldest boys to the school luau. I stayed home with our sick John David. I heard Caleb walk through the door, and he was alone. I called Alan, and sure enough, he didn’t even know Caleb had left. Now don’t judge Alan for this. Alan was watching Daniel constantly, and the older two were playing on the playground. We certainly would not expect Caleb to just up and leave.

The boys walk to and from school every single day, for three years, so they know the route like the back of their hands. Caleb just decided he was sad and tired, and he was going home. He’s such a home-body anyway. But oh my goodness, Caleb. You just never know what wild hair that boy will take!

I always thought that Joshua would have the most trouble handling this move, but he was actually more open this time than his brother. Caleb hid in the truck, as Joshua and Daniel hugged our neighbors, who are family to us, good-bye.

I’ll never forget when we first moved to Washington,D.C. We moved here from my hometown, where my parents lived only 15 minutes away. Alan had been in Iraq for 15 months. When Alan left, Caleb had just turned one, and when he came back, Caleb was a two-year-old. He was a two-year-old that was so attached to my dad that he used to call Granddaddy “Daddy”. There was this one day, in our new Washington D.C. home, that Caleb saw a picture of his Grandaddy. He went and laid himself down at the front door and just cried and cried and cried, wanting to go see his Granddaddy, but he couldn’t because he was miles and miles away.

Oh, how that hurt my heart.

Caleb lost his best friend, the famous Nicholas B., last year when Nicholas B. moved. We were so relieved when Drake moved in across the street. And now Caleb has said good-bye to him too.

Joshua is the kind of kid that has lots and lots of close friends, so he will miss them all, but the hardest part is Xavier. Xavier is his best friend, who lives right next door. Maybe say an extra prayer for all of the boys’ buddies tonight. It’s going to be so real tomorrow, when all of their neighborhood friends have no reason to knock on our door.

I think the full emotional force of the move won’t hit for the boys until we get to our new place……..and suddenly they have a new school and no friends at all. Thankfully, they are both friendly boys who make friends easily. I just hope and pray that we all make new friends in our new neighborhood that also go to the same school.  The boys will not be attending the neighborhood school this time, so it will take a little more effort to make new friends. You can bet I will do all I can to help them, though!

I’m still thankful we got to live in one house for three whole years. Finally, the boys were able to establish “old friends.” There’s a huge difference between ‘old friends’, who you already are comfortable with, and ‘new friends’, who still aren’t sure what to expect from you. Aren’t ‘old friends’ the best??

Dear ‘old friends’ both near and far, how much we miss you already!!!

I know. I know. “Focus on the positive.” Tell them what an adventure it is. Make it fun. We do. I think we do those things well. Still, the hard part is there too, and that’s what the boys and their friends had to do the past couple of days. They are so lucky, though. The world is so small now. When we were kids, if a friend moved off, they were never heard from again. That’s not necessary now. We have the internet. We have Facebook. And of all families in the world, ours would be the easiest to keep in touch with, because we even have a blog–and an open door policy. Come visit us on the west coast. They say it’s one of the most beautiful places on Earth.

The post Military Kids and Moving appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

  We were all set this time.  I had an awesome condo booked for us, I had Joshua enrolled in a snowboarding class, and I did it all for FREE.  Yep.  All we had to do was listen to a time share spill while there.  No problem.  We’re way too thrifty to fall for that.  They’ll never get us.  Right???

Not too shabby, right??  Did you see me?  I’m the red blob in the bed on the left.

All was well until about 6 pm on Friday night (our very first night there).  I ate too much pizza at the on-site pizza place. By bedtime, it was becoming clear that this was NOT going to be a fun vacation for the mama.

I caught the DADDY of all stomach flus.  I didn’t actually feel normal again until today……a solid 5 days later.  It felt like being in labor for the first 24 hours of it.

Saturday morning Alan took pity on me and decided to call it quits and abandon condo.

Alan:  I’ve got everything cleared from the room and ready to go. Should we get Joshua from snowboard school early?

April:  No!  Don’t do that!  He was so excited.  I can wait 2 more hours.

Alan:  Well, the time-share tour is at 12.  We might as well go, rather than just sitting in our car.

April:  or…..but…..I don’t know…..

…..I’ll spare you the agonizing details.  Five hours later, we drove out of Massanutten, the proud new owners of a Massanutten time share.

Right.  They won.

I do have a little bit of good news.  By Tuesday, the buyer’s remorse had hit us full on.  What were we thinking?  I wasn’t really thinking.  I would’ve signed any number of documents to get those people to stop talking and let me leave.

There’s a 7 day clause.  Alan drafted the letter last night and mailed it today.  We should be out of this by the end of the week and back to living debt-free.

Meanwhile, life at home is beating me over the head with a stick.  John David and Daniel have developed a cold.  The worst part is that JD doesn’t sleep when he’s sick.  I was up with him three times last night, and I doubt tonight will be much better.

He isn’t really napping either.  There were moments today when he was quiet, and I thought, “Oh, good,” but then I’d look at the monitor, and he’d be rolling around in his crib.  This is a new and unwelcome development.

I pretty much spent the last couple of days going from helping JD to helping Dan to feeding everyone.  There are still-packed suitcases everywhere.  If any prospective renters ask to come take a tour, I might just throw in the towel and flee the country.

*****LESSONS LEARNED*****

1.  If you want a time share, you can buy one for exactly $1 on ebay.  Just know that all time shares come with maintenance fees of several hundred dollars a year, even if the time share itself is paid off.  People sometimes inherit them, don’t want to pay the maintenance fees, and so they practically give them away.

2.  Life is hard……but we already knew that.

3.  Never think you can take a time share tour and not get sucked in.  Those people are good at what they do.

4.  Joshua loves snow boarding.  At least there was that one good thing that happened.

***********

  At least I am finally on the mend, and we should be free of the time share soon.

  I always prefer that my writing be upbeat and encouraging, sometimes even funny, but this has just been one of THOSE weeks.  It’s like life has given me some lemons, then given me some sores, then squeezed the lemon juice into the sores.

  I really have nothing at all nice to say about this week of crying babies, stomach flu, and bad decisions, so let’s look back at a few cute pictures from pre-vacation disaster.  Maybe that will put you and me both in a better mood!

A couple of weeks ago, Alan bought an out-of-season watermelon, and you would have thought he’d brought home the world’s largest chocolate bar.  Everyone was SO excited.  Everyone had to take a turn cutting the thing, and it was the cheapest little party I’ve ever thrown!!

Side note:  It was seedless, as most watermelons that I find these day are.  What happened to the seeds?  Is this genetic engineering?  God made them with seeds, right?  That wasn’t good enough though, eh?  Who wants to pick through seeds?  No more seed spittin’ contests around here.

*********

Oh, and about our would-be vacation….bleh…..there was one quote that I can remember that brought a smile to my face.

Caleb:  (looking out the van window) Look!  Graveyard again!  Or dying holes.

Joshua:  *giggled* Yeah, you call ’em dying holes, but it is a graveyard.  Always go with your first instinct, Caleb.

After the week I’ve had, I suppose I should just be thankful to not need a dying hole just yet myself!!!

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