I am certainly no expert in this field. I don’t know about you, but I have three teenagers and need all the help I can get. Whether your teenager identifies as “anxious” or not, chances are they will have times where they absolutely are anxious. I think it’s unavoidable.

Our mental health expert is here to provide us with tips on how we can help our teenagers.

The teenage years can be some of the best and the most testing times of your life.

This is the time of gaining independence and self-discovery. It is the time to explore platonic relationships and consider what you want to be, and who you want to be with. Teenagers are often looking for a place at school, in their homes, and the world as a whole.

This is also the most confusing time for a teen to learn more about their bodies, life, and the world. Parents often find it hard to communicate with teens about anything, and when teens start hiding their anxiety, it could become even more difficult to tackle the situation. 

It is not possible to force teens to tell us what is wrong even when we can see them struggle.

You might hear them complain about physical ailments, or some refuse to go to school and even have emotional meltdowns due to little stress. There could be many reasons behind them not admitting what they are going through inside.

Even your anxiety and fears could become a barrier to communication.

This is why you must ensure that you are not too angry or emotional as your teen will not talk to you and this could alienate them. 

It is also possible that you are at a loss for words after you discuss or demand them to tell you what is wrong. You must remember that your little one is growing up and they are no longer a child. There will be times when you won’t know what to say to them, but you need to have a balance of support, comfort, and even action that can help communicate with your teenager. 

Anxious teens are different from anxious kids

Parents need to remember that an anxious teen is very different from an anxious child. As kids, children tend to worry about monsters, or the dark or dinosaurs. But as they grow up, they start worrying about themselves. They might be worried that they do not look cool enough, or they are not doing well in school, or they could be worried about what people think of them.

As they grow, they also start to worry about their bodies, and many teens struggle for years. If their anxiety is not addressed on time, it could get worse. Panic attacks and social anxiety are two things that usually start in the teenage years, and you will see kids who were never anxious suddenly become very self-conscious and anxious as teens. 

There are no specific symptoms you can identify since they vary from one to another. It can also become hard to notice anxiety since teenagers are good at hiding their feelings, and many like to avoid things. But pushing it under the carpet will not help. Anxiety doesn’t go away like that, and some also start a habit of alcohol or marijuana to feel less anxious, but they become highly dependent on it.

If you avoid it for too long, it can lead to depression too. Treating teen mental health issues is possible and as a parent, if you are worried about your anxious teenager, here are three different ways you can try talking to them so that they listen.

Here’s how you can help.

Empathize

Your child is no longer five, and as a teen, they want to be independent, validated, and understood. They are navigating different aspects of life, and it isn’t easy for them. Whenever your teen tells you something illogical or seems strange, do not lash out at them.

Take a deep breath and try putting yourself in their shoes. Show them that you get it. Show them that you heard what they said, and you are there to discuss more. Do not give advice straightaway but use encouraging words and ask them why they are feeling a certain way. Talking with your teen on this topic will need patience. You must never judge them or make them feel that their emotions do not matter. 

Relate

The best way to connect with your teen is to relate your experiences. They will feel more understood if you can talk about the similar experiences you went through. Talk about your insecurity, your challenges, and what you went through in high school. Make them understand that their feelings are normal, and every teenager has some form of insecurity.

Teens often look at us as people who will never understand their situation, but you must prove them wrong. You need to humanize yourself and keep the doors of communication open. If you don’t, they will shut off completely and look for different ways to cope with the situation.

Ask

If you know your teenager is anxious, you must make it a point to check in on them regularly. Look out for symptoms and always keep the conversations open. Whenever you hear something alarming, be calm. If you react emotionally, it could scare your teen, and they might stop sharing things with you. Whenever they talk to you, have an open conversation, and comfort them. Reassure them that you will figure it out together, and if you feel that their anxiety is unmanageable, you might want to seek professional help. 

Seek help

Normalize taking help for anxiety and ensure that there is no shame attached to it. Look for a therapist who can handle anxiety in teenagers and talk to your teen about how therapy works. Ensure that they are comfortable with the step you are taking, and do not force them until they are ready.

Assure them that it will work for their good and visiting a therapist does not mean that they are crazy. The right therapist will help them get to the root of the cause and could also improve the communication gap. 

Tackling anxiety in teens is easier said than done, but as a parent, you must give them complete support and always allow open communication. 

The post Tips for Talking to an Anxious Teenager appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

And yet, Alan and Daniel are the only two still standing. It starts as a scratchy throat, then it is sore. Snot kicks in, and for Caleb and me there is a cough. You can see why we worried it was covid or strep, but it is not.

I have been up half the night coughing for four days now, and it feels like I keep getting worse. I think I am currently fighting off bronchitis.

So yeah, we have been better. I have spent a great deal of 2021 sickly.

I know you did not come here to read about our medical problems, though, and we are waaaaaaaay overdue for an update-on-life post, so let’s just do that.

Quite a few things have happened since last we talked.

1.) I got to be on my first podcast. FUN!!!!!

My podcast episode is already recorded, but it is not published yet. Or wait, if it is a podcast, do they say published, or more like released? Anyway, you can rest assured I will be letting you know on here and all my social medias when it is available.

What in the world was I on a podcast for, you ask? Raising boys? Army life? Moving expert?

Haha! No!!! Wedding dresses!!!!

I once wrote this article about my fascination with wedding dresses. The funny thing is that when I looked back through this blog I discovered that I have actually blogged about wedding dresses several times. It is the ultimate pretty dress, okay?

So there is this podcast channel that is devoted to all things wedding gowns! It is called Choosing Your Reflection.

In the show, I got to talk about exactly what you’d expect, my wedding dress, what it meant to me, and the tragedy that eventually befell the dress. Granted, this channel may be a little girly for some of my readers (*cough* Dad), but I thought it was a fun thing to be a part of. Check out their channel here, and keep an eye out for when my interview is released!

#2. Glorious surprise that’s also kind of funny:

Now in our defense, there are TWO trashcans in the photo, even though you only see one well. You see? If it were put up properly, it would not stick out like a sore thumb.

The boys usually handle trash duty, but two days ago I had a bag I actually took out to the can myself, and I was delightfully surprised by this row of hot pink azaleas lining the trash can spot on the side of our house.

I love how beauty can thrill the soul, and pick you up when you are suffering from not-the-COVID. But then there is also a hilarious out of place trashcan to say….there’s always real life stuff to deal with, like trash.

#3. On days when I did not feel like I was resting on death’s doorstep from not-the-COVID, I have been ORGANIZING.

OUR HALL TREE BEFORE:

AND AFTER:

I literally just now noticed the blue post-it note on the mirror. Ha! I don’t even know if I did that or John David.

Yes, it would look better without the masks and Alan’s running gear, but you see those are daily use items. Empty hooks may be prettier, but we are in a phase of life where we actually NEED to use the hooks.

P.S. The storage bin part of it is now minus about ten hats and three purses. Plus, I even cleaned out the purses.

Organizing is my happy place.

Just imagine how organized my house would be if I did not have people to take care of. When I was a kid, I used to regularly re-alphabetize and group my book collection over and over again. There is something about having this one small space that you can feel hyper-in-control of.

You know why? I think it is because most of life is completely out of our control. One never knows when one will get sick with COVID or not-the-Covid. Fires, moves, sick family members, job changes, rain, consequences of decisions….You never know what will show up on your doorstep on any given day. Sure, you hope it’s just your Amazon package, but some days it’s more like a pesky sales person who talks you into buying something you did not even want!

We are trying our best though.

Some exciting things were accomplished in April. I got myself a Good Housekeeping magazine subscription, completely cleaned out two kitchen drawers and four cabinets, and re-organized the entire living room. Next time maybe I will post some more before and after photos of all that!!

I had this giant box all ready to collect donations for Goodwill, but instead I ended up filling up like three bags of trash. Most of what we were keeping was completely useless.

Hmmm…trash just keeps coming up today.

In fact, if you come over and catch this not-the-Covid from me, you too can feel like trash.

I’m super happy about how much decluttering was accomplished though, and there are about ten Target bags full of donation items in the garage now.

#4. How did I get on this whole donating/tossing things kick?

One day, back before I got sick again, I was feeling bummed. That’s a feeling I’ve gone back and forth with for a while now. The year of rona was not helpful for mental health.

Anyway, I was in the laundry room, feeling especially uninspired by my daily tasks. I cracked open my computer, which I rarely even use lately. Then I went to YouTube because they make a video for everything these days.

In the You Tube search bar, I typed in “How to better manage your time as a mom and house keeper.” (or something like that)

This came up: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWstD4NB4CY

She is called the Minimal Mom. Decluttering and getting rid of tons of stuff is something all Army families do over and over and over again, but it has piled up on me, and I needed to do this again. I find her very relatable. She also has four children, so I knew her advice would make sense to me!

I loved her “decide on one most important goal for each day” rule.

#5. One last funny!

Alan took Daniel and JD camping, and this is a little snapshot of the inside of John David’s suitcase. This isn’t even all of it, but it’s just so funny what a seven-year-old boy thinks is important to pack.

Also, y’all, there’s a Bible in there because this boy is a man with a plan. His current plan is that he is going to go to seminary after high school, be a pastor, and live down the street from me in Alabama, where I will also go to his church. That really gets you in the feels, doesn’t it? I mean I’m not too sure his future wife will love the idea of living down the street from us, but I plan to be on my best behavior so as not to prevent this dream from coming true!! Love it!!!

So life in 2021 has its ups and downs as usual.

What year doesn’t? The boys are sort of enjoying being back in school. One of them stayed home, but he will go back in the fall.

If we can just all get well, I feel like things are about to get good. I have fun things planned for the summer.

Don’t forget to catch me on the podcast at Choosing Your Reflection! I will let you know when it becomes available! Y’all, stay healthy! After a year at home, I don’t think our immune systems are as awesome as they were before.

The post Life in 2021: The Podcast, The Decorated Trashcan, & They Say it’s Not the Covid. appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.