I know some of you are so tired of me writing about moving you could puke. Sorry, guys. It is such a big deal. The impact of moving cannot be stated generously enough. All these back-to-back moves have brought so much stress that I feel like if I could simply harness the stress, it could be a mighty power source. We could light up New York City with the stress of all the military wives, I am quite sure of it.

But I am not here to whine about moving today. Instead I want to talk about “settling in”, mainly because, for me, it is truly beginning to happen.

This morning I asked our boys if they felt settled in here yet, and 2/4 of them said, “No.” They do not feel settled. One boy said, “Yes,” and the other one said, “Yes and also no.” That made perfect sense to me. It has been seven months. I think it takes 1-2 years to truly settle in. Judging by the boys’ responses, they agree that it takes a while.

Settling in is not just unpacking boxes and organizing shelves. It is also knowing where you put everything, and yes, as a mom, by the time I leave a place, I do basically know where everything is. We still don’t have a clue at this house. When you are truly settled, life in general comes more naturally. Simple things are less of a struggle. Kids knock on your door. Your phone is full of local phone numbers. The drive-through people at Burger King recognize your face. Haha! Well, that last one probably should not be true, but it already is true for me.

It is hard to sustain relationships when moving every two years, as our family has been doing ever since 2002. I found this very discouraging report:

We know that children who move frequently are more likely to perform poorly in school and have more behavioral problems,” said the study’s lead author, Shigehiro Oishi, PhD, of the University of Virginia. “However, the long-term effects of moving on well-being in adulthood have been overlooked by researchers.”

American Psychological Association

Changing Schools Again and Again

Every single time our kids change schools, the new school underestimates our children because they do not do well on tests those first few weeks. They do not know how to accommodate the adjustment phase. When we first move, our children perform less efficiently than usual because they are using their brain space to remember how to work their school computer, remember their student ID #, remember what city we live in, what bus they ride, where to get off the bus, and all sorts of new information that students who have gone to the same school for years do not have to concentrate on at all.

Basically, in a new place, the kids are too busy figuring out the social atmosphere to remember the equation for area of a rectangle. New kids are wondering whether that boy with the freckles is a friend possibility and which kid it is that you have to steer clear of because they make fun of pretty much everybody. Plus, every single school has completely different procedures and expectations.

As an adult, I see a change with my social media.

I sort of cling to the old friends even though I have moved because they are still real to me. Everyone I know is in the past for a while, and then the cycle repeats itself. People from two duty stations ago are never forgotten, nor do I want to forget them. Sometimes they are all I have, but I do notice that most friends and acquaintances stop “liking” my Facebook posts once I have been gone a year. I am out of sight, out of mind. They figure they will never see me again anyway, or maybe I am annoying with how frequently I post. See, the funny thing about that is that if I had settled in and had real life friends I would probably go searching for friends online less too, and then I wouldn’t come off as so needy maybe.

Then there is the crazy side of me that (and I am ashamed to admit this is true) thinks things like, “Maybe they all had a lunch together and decided they don’t like me anymore after I moved away.”

With military wife friends, it is different.

With military wife friends, we don’t have to act less needy and pathetic because we already know that actually we ARE all in need, and we are happy to jump in and be like, “Me too!!!” Complain about the way the Army sent you only two moving men, or how they will not give you orders, and you are living in limbo. We get it!!! This stuff is hard. We will always support each other on social media no matter how many times we move. All of us know that our online friends are our ONLY friends for far too much of the time. We need each other!

Yes, moving repeatedly can be a serious problem, but I do have good news too. You know we always look for hope.

We have now been in this newest house for seven months. This past weekend we had our Sunday school class over for dinner on Saturday and had a large turnout. Hurray! We played games, ate, and talked. If everyone had as much fun as I did, then it was a success. I felt so uplifted.

Then on Sunday, our two youngest sons were baptized, right here at our new church by our new pastor.

I cried tears of the purest joy. My heart war near to bursting. THIS is what makes it all worth it.

Daniel led the way on the baptism thing. Daniel told Alan as they were leaving a church function a couple of weeks ago that he wanted to talk to the pastor about getting baptized. JD chimed in, “Me too!” The pastor dropped everything he was doing, handed off his baby he was holding to one of his family members, and talked to our boys to make sure they understood salvation and baptism. He agreed the boys are solid in their faith and ready to be baptized.

As soon as we arrived at church, I realized I had left my phone at home which meant I could not take pictures. The horror! But it was not the end of the world. Thankfully, I knew that I had a few different friends there that I could ask to borrow their phone to take the pictures with. I ended up not having to ask anyone, as Alan Hix, our adult Sunday school class teacher (who has a talent for making people feel welcome) freely offered up his phone to me. That was such a relief. You know how important photos are to me.

A Table to Sit at

Two Sundays ago, when I walked into the ladies’ fellowship after church for the cookie contest, I had a table of friends to sit with. I knew about six different ladies out of the thirty or so who were in attendance, and most of us sat at a table together in the back. This is exactly why we always join a Sunday school class at each new church we move to. It is such a helpful way to get connected.

Basically, I am beginning to feel like we belong, and I cannot stress enough to you what a relief that is.

Alan took Daniel to baseball tryouts Saturday too, and they also saw several familiar, friendly faces, a total change from the fall when we literally did not know a soul. They came back from try-outs in a happy mood. Daniel was able to perform much better because he was more comfortable there than he was back in the fall.

Overall, we are all doing better than we were, while some of us are still walking uphill in unsupportive flip-flops, if you know what I mean. So much of it is circumstance and age, in addition to personality, but I will not go into all of that here.

Saturday, my friend Shereen showed up half an hour before the party to help me set up, and I cannot tell you how very not-alone that made me feel.

Commitment!

I am pleased as punch to announce that I have my very first real commitment here. I am now co-teaching the high school girls’ Sunday school class at our church, and I am quite excited about it.

It is not us against the world or us trying to break into Maryland. This is just a regular old family trying to gradually settle in to yet another new town, our 11th time in a new town in eighteen years, to be exact. We are slower at it than we used to be because we are worn down and weary, but we will get there.

In two years, Alan will hit his twenty-year-mark. He is not currently planning to retire. I have no idea what will happen, really. However, I DO know, and am firmly resolved, that we cannot move these children between 11th and 12th grade. I would rather not move them before their 11th grade year either. With that said, we may be in Maryland for a long time, with our oldest boys being so close in age and our oldest about to enter high school. It may be that we stay here until the oldest graduates and then leave with Caleb between 10th and 11th. Who knows?

For now, just know that Maryland is becoming home. At least two or three of us are beginning to feel settled in, and things are looking up. Life isn’t supposed to be easy, right? It is supposed to be full of purpose, and that it is. We have more than our share to be grateful for.

The post “Settling in” 7 Months After Moving appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

When we moved this past summer, it went differently than I thought it would. The vibe of the moving day exit of our beloved neighborhood was not at all the vibe that I expected, but in a good way.

Last time we left Virginia, in 2014, when we drove the boys away from this place so dear to our hearts, there was so much drama about it. One child was brave but sad, hugged everyone as expected and said his good-byes. Another hid in the car, refusing so much as to wave to anyone, to people he loved with all of his sweet almost-seven-year-old heart. Our pre-schooler hugged everyone and was a doll, and our baby had no idea what was going on. Everyone looked sad for a while in the car. No one wanted to leave. We had wonderful years ahead of us, exploring California, riding around on bicycles like feral children, and all sorts of exploring. The boys didn’t know that yet though. They only knew they were losing everything and everyone they held dear and trading it for the unknown.

This move, in 2019, was not like that. We had only stayed in Virginia one year, so lifting the boys back out was easier. The California and Georgia moves were still fresh on everyone’s minds. The funny thing is that we were still as attached to our Virginia community as ever, but this time the boys had something they didn’t have before.

They had trust. Their hearts rested in faith.

Our hearts and minds knew that moving was always hard and that there would be a phase where we would not have any friends. That phase may last a day, or it may last a year, but it would only be a phase. Eventually, each new place of the past had become home. Our boys knew this, and so they looked onto this move without the fear one has of something they have never done. Instead, they looked on this transition with wisdom, wisdom far beyond their years. This wisdom came at the price of four moves in five years, and it was fully earned. They trusted that everything would be okay. Not only did they trust God and each other, but they trusted us too. Sometimes, when the making friends part is coming too slowly, I feel like I have let them down.

On moving day, the boys said good-bye to their friends in the cul-de-sac, and they piled into the van. No one hid, cried, or resisted. We actually picked up Joshua on our drive out of the neighborhood because he was walking home from a friend’s house. He happily slid into the van with the rest of us.

Daniel spoke for everyone, when he said in a peppy voice, “All right! Where to next!”

He didn’t mean that question literally. We had shown the boys the new city and the house already, so he knew where we would go next. We were only moving two hours away. At the same time, we didn’t know anything about “what next” would actually be like. Such is the life of a nomad. Where to next? Will they welcome us there? Will we have anything in common with the people we meet there? How long will it take us to make friends and to feel at home again?

I was most amazed that Daniel, of all people, would take on such a happy attitude because he had the happiest year in Virginia. One of his best buddies lived next door and was in his class. I let him ride his bicycle to school with Caleb sometimes. Life had been insanely good for Daniel, with far more freedom than he had ever had before.

Yet there he was, ready and present for the next thing. That day they inspired me. I smiled, and I said, “Well, how about lunch next and then onto Maryland?”

Of course, all offers of food to cars full of males are always welcomed with open arms.

That morning I had felt sad and resistant. I lacked their faith and good attitude. Not a bit of me wanted to finish packing, cleaning, and loading, only to drive through two large metropolitan sprawls with a car full of children to a new town full of strangers. I felt old and tired of moving, but those children lifted my spirits. If they can do this, so can I.

Where are we going? Who knows? I am just going to have to trust God that it is good.

I am linking up today with Finish the Sentence Friday at FindingNinee.com. Today’s prompt is “Where are you going?” if you would like to join us.

The post Where to Next? The Trust of a Military Child appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

A couple of moves ago, my mom was visiting us, and she was noticing my boys sitting with a new friend they’d made. She said, “That’s funny. It’s like they have that same friend at every place y’all move to.”

I’d never thought of it that way, but that made me stop and think. We meet all new people with each move. In fact, it usually takes us a year to figure out who exactly the new main characters of our lives will be.

But the boys do often make friends more quickly than we do. There’s usually an outgoing boy close to their ages who will take to them. He’s always a little more secure than we are, more energetic even, but good. We haven’t run into many boys we didn’t think were good kids, honestly. Sometimes it’s a neighbor and sometimes a church or school friend, but there’s always at least one good friend, who according to my mom, is exactly like all their friends in the past.

That made me think about myself. Do I have that one same friend at each place? Hmmm. No, I don’t exactly, BUT there are certain roles that your friends fulfill, and eventually I do tend to find that at each place.

Maybe you can relate. Here are a few of my favorite kinds of friends. Which one are you? Which one am I for you? I think I’m different ones for different people, depending on their circumstances.

The 10 Friends You Need at Each Duty Station

#1. The Outgoing Friend Who Gets You Out of the House

I could sit here and name names here. What’s funny is they always managed to arrived when I needed them most. God knew what he was doing.

This friend is IMPORTANT. Every single one of these seems to have come along at a time when I was feeling alone and needed someone to pull and tug me out of my pjs and out into the world. Maybe they are less insecure than me. They want to get out and see the world and for some reason have decided to take you with them.

The outgoing friend can keep you from a world of isolation, which can be a sad road to go down. They are fun too, and conversation is so easy with them because they will happily do most of the talking. But their never ending ideas for talking topics helps you to get talking too because they are just the master of this.

#2. The Everything in Common Friend

You have so much in common with this person that it feels unreal– amazing. How is this possible? And yet it is.

They are from the same state, the same college, or they have the same kind of kids, and they even get why this or that didn’t work out for you because it didn’t work out for them either! Maybe you wear the same size dress and listen to the same music. You both love Anne of Green Gables and don’t really care about Star Wars.

The everything in common friend is sometimes a special bond level of friend, but if one of you isn’t outgoing or careful about communication she will be harder to keep in touch with than Outgoing Friend.

#3. The Healthy Friend

This lady doesn’t eat sugary stuff or fatty fare either. She exercises daily and looks like you did at 24. It can be tempting to be jealous of her or to hide from her if she’s the kind that’s trying to change you. But get to know her before you run away. Your friendship may help you add years to your life and have less heartburn.

Most of my super fit friends have been very fun and have not tried to take away my hamburgers or force their tofu on me.

Much can be learned from her. I used to watch what Amy (half of my friends are named Amy) would order when we ate out and try to copy it. That way I knew for at least that meal I was “eating healthy.”

#4. The Helping Friend

Being a natural helper is a whole personality type. It’s a wonderful personality, but you have to be careful because you don’t want to take advantage of them. This friend loves to help others. She will actually even think of your needs before you say them. It’s a gift.

The helper friend will also take on your problems sometimes. She’s perfect to have around, but we just have to be sure to help her sometimes too.

So actually you can also learn from the helper. From her we can learn how to help and think more selflessly. You will want to pack her in your suitcase and take her with you to your next duty station, but alas, she has a life of her own.

#5. The Hilarious Friend

Some people can’t help but be funny. I have a friend in Virginia who cracks me up so hard, with barely even trying. She is gasping-for-air level funny.

That whole “what people remember about you is how you made them feel”, this is most obvious with the hilarious friend. I need more of these in my life!

#6. The Wiser Friend

She may not even be much older than you, but she seems to have just been there/done that on everything. Her kids are older, so she knows the phase you are going through with yours and doesn’t judge.

Older friend adds perspective to what you’re going through. She says things like, “It’s just a phase. He’ll grow out of it,” or “Try doing….yada yada yada.. That’s what I did, and it worked for us!”

We all need the older friend to listen to. Now I’m not talking about the one who has forgotten all the problems and sees the past through rose-colored glasses, but the one who has done what we’re doing and can still remember the pain!

#7. The Young One

Don’t underestimate the younger friend who asks for our advice and doesn’t even have forehead wrinkles yet. The young one has a place too.

Young friend is still optimistic and energetic. Her idealism is something we’ve forgotten, and it can be okay to be reminded. Also it’s our job to help her with the struggles of young parenting, when in fact, she wants our help.

Also, sometimes her energy can be contagious. I remember being with a younger mom of three a couple of years ago. She was listing the twenty thousand things she was doing that day. All I could think was, “Good gracious. That is an insane amount of places to be in one day. Did I ever do that?? Maybe I could do more…”

#8. The Meal Bringer

Whether it’s a surgery or a newborn baby or just a nervous breakdown, there’s always that one who will make you a meal and bring it to your house. God bless these women. There is no more glorious sight! And goodness knows, between 2013 and 2016, I was ever so thankful for the meal bringer.

#9. The Non-Judgey Friend

God bless the often irreverent, non-judgmental friend. She is right up there with the hilarious one. Irreverent friend says things you would not post on Facebook. She offers wine, makes time for coffee, and provides the most honest of advice.

You can say literally ANYTHING to her, and she will not judge you. When something crazy has happened, she is the first one to call because you don’t have to clean up any of the details. Tell it like it is. She doesn’t care.

#10. The Neighbor

You’ve planned a whole recipe, got it halfway cooked, and then realized you have no tomatoes, not even canned tomatoes. What to do? You call your neighbor. They always have diced tomatoes, or butter, or milk.

They have a key to your house when you’re out of town, know how to let the dog out for ya, and check your mail. It’s a sad, sad world without at least one neighbor friend.

These are just fun attributes, but the bottom line is friends are worth their weight in gold. I wish I could take all of mine along with me every time we move and we could just build our own colony– in Monterey –but without all the taxes!

The post The 10 Friends You Need at Each Duty Station appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

The Military life is a unique one for sure.

Sometimes I find myself saying things that are sort of ridiculous, so I took a few minutes to jot a few down. Maybe you can relate.

“I just can’t possibly sit through another church’s new member class. I won’t do it.”

–I said this with all the drama and emphasis you can imagine. Sitting for more than 30 minutes is agonizingly painful for my back, so new church member classes are both boring and torturous. I do not care about how many big theology school words you can throw around. You preach salvation by faith in Jesus. You stick to God’s word? I’m good. I’ve visited a few times, and everything seems to be right on. Add me to the roll. Do not put me through another one of those hours long classes.

“I moved the box of books to the basement, so really I’m done.”

When moving, “done” is definitely a relative term.

“I have 4 children, and the youngest is in 1st grade, but I know nothing more than a kindergarten parent here. Literally, I know nothing.”

New schools are each intimidatingly different from whatever their last school was, and they don’t go over the basics with 3rd grade classes the way they do for kindergarten parents, so you hang on to every word at Open House and read all the papers. Next year I can be more cool.

“We’ve moved 4 times in 5 years. Yes. 2014: Virginia to California. 2016: Cali to Georgia. 2018: Georgia to Virginia. 2019: Virginia to Maryland.”

This is what I said to Alan this week. He had asked, “4 times in 5 years? Is that really true?” So then I recited the list of moves.

“Yes, I know I have an Alabama driver’s license, Texas plates, and a Washington, D.C. insurance policy. I’m an Army wife. My husband is overseas in Afghanistan. They make us move a lot, and we are not required to get new licenses as part of a military exception. Can you please not give me a ticket?”

Okay. That one was actually 8 years ago I said that, and that Alabama state trooper did in fact still give me a speeding ticket. Oh well, I guess I was speeding, and you can’t win them all. I win almost none of them. If I get pulled over, you can be guaranteed I will also get a ticket.

“We haven’t decided whether or not to fool with curtains yet.”

“Maryland is the most expensive state in the union, and that is coming from someone who has lived in California, D.C. and northern Virginia.”

It’s the everyday costs more so than the housing costs I’m referring to, ya’ll. They charge you exorbitant fees to take your grass clippings, there are high HOA fees, and don’t even get Alan started on how expensive it was to register our vehicles. However, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that school lunch is only $2.50.

“You have got to see the Goodwill store here. It’s amazing.”

“I’m still getting up the nerve to go see my PCM because I don’t know if it will be a nice, helpful one or a mean, lazy one.”

You would not believe some of the experiences I’ve had, unless you’ve been a mil spouse or just a person for a long time too. Then you would definitely get it. Choosing a doctor blindly can be scary.

“We don’t have a dentist yet to put on this form, but they just had their check-ups 2 months ago, so we are not going quite yet.”

“I can’t pick a dentist blindly. How do you know the good ones from the ones who invent cavities to fill?”

I’m telling you, this happens.

“This place has the coolest library EVER!!”

“Where do people go here to eat BBQ?”

“I still can’t remember which day is trash and which day is recycling.”

Okay I know I said 14, but here are 2 more because they just keep coming to me…

“Honey! What is our zip code???”

“Wait. What state do I live in?”

I usually ask myself this at the grocery store for some reason. The sad thing is that it’s not just a freshly-moved problem. It’s a frequent-mover thing. It could be a year since our last move, and I will ask myself this in the store, usually wondering if I will be able to find certain regional foods, like Dale’s meat tenderizer.

Hope you enjoyed the list! Feel free to add to it in the comments section! Maybe I can make a Part 2.

Okay…Just one more!

“I rescheduled my heart procedure for 2 months out because that way Alan should definitely be in town. Hopefully.”

The post 14 Crazy Things I Said this Week that Make Perfect Sense for a Military Wife appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

I’m not going to church this up. Let’s just call it like it is. Moving was a j-o-b.

Getting our Georgia house ready to sell, selling it, finding a rental, and moving in was exhausting. Helping all our boys adjust to life at a new school…that part was far more difficult than I expected. I am not always the best at realistic expectations.  Moving is a task that keeps giving and giving.

Moving, ah…moving.

This is the first time we’ve moved back to a duty station where we’ve actually lived before, so that has made a world of difference in adjusting to this one. It was 100 times easier this time, but there was still so much change.

You know what I’ve done to get through it?

Now this is the part where you’re expecting me to say, “read my Bible and pray,” if you know me at all.  Well, that’s true. I have done those things almost everyday, and the importance of that cannot be exaggerated.

But what I was actually going to say is I’ve been taking this transition s-l-o-w-l-y.

I have signed up for a fractional amount of things. Seriously almost nothing. On Thursdays, I pack folders for a couple of my sons’ teachers at school. It takes me maybe 20 minutes. Even that I have trouble remembering!

At church, I am responsible for nothing at all.

Now this isn’t always how I intend to live, but when I first move, I’m not ready to go out and meet the city and save the world, ya know? I’d rather have a circle of friends who I chat with and then go home. Let me sort of ruffle my nest and adjust the hairs and twigs for a while. I gotta make sure each little egg is safe and sound, and there are FOUR of them. Once I’m sure I have our nest all shored up good and ready to face the wind, then I will be more ready to go flying about to help the other robins.

There’s enough on my mind and in my home to keep me busy for a while yet. It took me until November just to figure out where I unpacked the “fall decor” box, and now it’s about time to hang Christmas decorations. I’m debating whether I should even bother with the fall stuff.

It’s been important for me to not go overboard in taking on too many responsibilities right away. Seeing everyone through the transition has been enough stress on its own.

However, it IS equally important to not be isolated. 

We still all go to church together as a family, walk together to school most mornings, and socialize with neighbors. The boys also each have an activity they enjoy, well, except for our 5-year-old because I only put tiny mites in activities if they beg for it, (and I’ll save the reasons for that for a future post).

I had an advantage in moving here that I’ve never had before. I already knew people, not just people, but people I actually like, so right off the bat I had a support system. Normally, when you are new in town, you have no support system at all.

If you are reading this, and you moved this year, I hope you will make an extra effort to build a support system.

Don’t wait for people to come to you. Usually they don’t. Go out and find your people. Join a military spouse club, or a MOPS, or church. When you go to church, don’t just attend the service without joining a “small group” or Sunday school class. Invite people you meet for a play-date or a cup of coffee.

Friend people you meet in your new town on Facebook, when you don’t even know them that well yet. You need to get that news feed hopping with local events rather than stuff from far away that you can’t go to.

The newcomer phase can get depressing fast when you aren’t plugged into anything, and you have no one to share holidays with.

I’m not saying sign up for a ton of leadership positions your first year in a new place, though. I’ve found it best to participate the first year, get to know the people, and then you can decide if you want to serve or lead or keep on participating. Believe me, I have found out the hard way, there is an actual limit to the amount of stress a person can handle. I’ve reached that limit a few times over the years.

The Kids

Seeing the kids through this transition wasn’t a piece of cake either, but our boys are pros at this too, bless their hearts. This was their 3rd move in 4 years, as crazy as that sounds. We left here in 2014, lived in California until 2016, and then lived in Georgia until 2018. That’s three moves in 4 years.

When we left here, 2 were school-aged. Now all 4 are school-aged, and that took the challenge level to a whole new level. Helping four separate humans navigate a total world and school change was work.

That first quarter at a new school never results in our best grades. Each school has different rules, methods, and expectations. Yes, I even tried home-schooling to mitigate this problem, but that wasn’t so wonderful either. You can read more about that here.

going down the slide at a local pumpkin patch

Don’t lose patience with your kids when the transition doesn’t go as smoothly as you’d hoped.

A quiet lunch with no one to talk to is depressing for anyone. Figuring out which classes are ahead of your last school and which ones are behind doesn’t take too long to figure out, but then you have to rise to that challenge too.

Which kids are the nice ones, and which kids are terrifying? There’s no way to know but observation and trial and error.

The #1 Best Thing We Do For Our Kids to Make This Transition Easier

I have found time and time again that the best way to help our children to make the social part of the transition, which let’s face it, is just as huge as the academic portion, is to look for families like our own and hang out with them before school starts.

Sometimes meeting people is easier than others. The best way to find like-minded families is to attend a church near your neighborhood and get involved in community events right where you live.

Don’t drive 40 minutes away to find a good church or swim club if there’s one right in your backyard. Having friends that live too far away to see everyday is not going to help your kids nearly as much as having friends down the street.

For example, is there a local pool you  can join? Do it! And take your kids regularly just so they can start seeing familiar faces and making connections. Observe which families don’t get on your nerves, and invite them to meet you at the pool the next day.

All of that is exactly why I prefer to move in the summer– early summer, so we can do as much of our adjusting as possible before school even starts.

Don’t ignore the Facebook Groups.

What about when you just don’t seem to be meeting anyone at all? Some places are like that. Hop on Facebook, and search for your community name to see if there’s a group you can join. I know when we moved here we met one of our friends because she put on the local community Facebook page that she was looking for someone in the neighborhood with a 2nd grader to meet at the local park. So I took my 2nd grader on over to the park and met them!

eating lunch at school with Daniel

So how are we this time, 5 months in?

All considered, we’re doing well. This was not an easy year, but it wasn’t a bad year either. My oldest played flag football for the first time. That’s a neat thing about moving. It seems like we try new things with each move. He’s also learning Spanish, so I’m getting a good refresher on mine, as I study with him.

Our 5th grader is learning to play saxophone as well as taking an after school computer class where they are teaching them how to make movies on iMovie. I’m hoping when he’s done, he’ll share the wealth and teach me some of what he learned.

Daniel, our 2nd grader, is going through a phase where he wants to sign up for sooooo many things! He’s ice-skating (so he can eventually play hockey) as well as taking karate. He’s asking me to sign up for baseball and swimming too, and somewhere along the way, he’s going to have to let go of something!

John David is loving kindergarten. He sings “This land is your land, this land is my land,” constantly, and the neat thing is he knows verses that I don’t know. He’s suddenly Mr. Independent, no longer sitting in my lap (breaking my heart with that)  and putting on his own socks and shoes.

All of them seem quite content. Alan and I are doing well too. It think Alan is doing a little better than me. I’ve been going through sort of a crisis of life with all the changes, with no longer having a preschooler at home. And yet I still never feel like I get enough done.

Now that I think about it, out of all 6 of us, I may be doing the worst, and I’m not actually bad. I have close friends and plenty to busy myself with. It just takes time for me to fully feel settled in spirit at a new place, you know? Every single time it takes me about a year, and that is okay. You have to figure out what kind of adjustment phase works for you.

I was driving down the road to our house this morning with a car full of groceries, and all I could think was, “Wow. I can’t believe I’m living here again, in this beautiful neighborhood, in this bustling suburb of our nation’s capital.” I still love it, and I feel blessed and relieved to get to return to this place that I love. Yes, it takes me a while to adjust, but I am still so thankful to be here.

P.S.   Apparently moving is a huge deal for us too because my website is crawling with articles just like this one. Want to read more thoughts about moving? Go here for the “year after moving,” , or here for the 4 month moving update from our last move.

The post 5 Months Since the Move: How I Handle the Transition appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Alan and the boys, National Mall, Washington D.C., summer vacation 2017

Alan and our two boys on the National Mall, Washington D.C., when we first moved there in 2009

We have been officially notified that we’ll be moving back to the D.C. area this summer.

I SHOULD be like WAHOO!!  Let’s do this!! After all, I love D.C., and this is an excellent job opportunity for Alan. Plus, I’m moving close to so many friends. I love D.C. It’s like an entire metropolitan area of people who are ALL just as uptight as I am. These are my people!!!

But in the words of Forrest Gump, “I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now.”

Oh, wait. Where is home??? Ya’ll, I’m just tired of the moving, the packing, the researching, the move-out cleaning, the de-cluttering, the stress, making the kids say good-bye to their friends….That’s the hardest part.

We are quite happy to return to an area that we loved, underneath all our anxiety. In fact, I have so much anxiety over this move, I’ve been unintentionally clenching my jaw as I scroll through hundreds of housing ads. It hurts to eat now.

Y’all!! The decisions are overwhelming, and we’ve lived there before. It feels like we just left D.C., but it’s actually been almost 4 years!

It’s mind-boggling, all these houses and schools and neighborhoods. I have to pick a house that comes with an acceptable elementary as well as middle school nearby now. I’m simply going to HAVE to do a re-con trip to go look at things for myself. We are in the process of planning that out too.

Caleb, age 2, by the fountain in front of the U.S. Capitol building

But wait. Why should I allow this move to make me so crazy?

I need to s-l-o-w down. Take a few deep breaths. Trust Alan. Trust God. Everything will work out just fine. And no, I may not get everything exactly how I want it, but it will all come together.

I taught a Sunday school lesson, to my class of 4th and 5th grade girls, this morning about Paul and Silas. They were arrested in Philippi for casting a demon out of a slave girl. They were beaten and thrown into prison. What did Paul and Silas do? Worry until their jaws hurt? No. They sang. They knew God had their back, and they weren’t worrying themselves silly. (Acts 16)

I guess if Paul and Silas could sing in prison with their feet in the stocks, I can sing through this move. After all, this move is a blessing anyway, a blessing that’s carrying us back to a place that we love.

God’s got this, so we got this too. Breathe. Calm down.

Me with the 2 oldest boys, at the National Archives, 2009

Want to see a few houses I’m looking at?

Just for fun, really because I won’t get up there until March to look around…but these houses are so beautiful.

See if you can guess which two are on a military base. The base is my back-up in case I can’t find a rental.

But y’all, I just don’t know if I can move back and NOT live in my old neighborhood, and none of those are advertising yet. We loved that place and those people so much, but it has to be right for all 6 of us. I’m hoping it will work out!

***All photos were obtained from zillow.com, with the exception of the on-post houses, which were obtained from here.***

Amazing, huh? These will all be gone by the time I’m ready to sign papers though. If any of you know of a rental coming open in my old neighborhood or surrounding area, be sure to let me know!

I’m beginning to calm down and get excited now! It’s time to do less worrying and more singing. Let’s have a little Faith Hill and Shelby Lynne and “Keep Walkin’ On!”

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Alan, at the Balad Airfield, with other soldiers, waiting to board a C-5 to Qatar.

****This post is part of a series titled The Real Army Wives of Fort Hood. Each Monday I post a new chapter. These are all true stories of my own experiences on the home-front as well as stories from my friends.****

Please excuse the horrendous photo quality of these pictures. They were taken in 02-04, and are not available to me digitally, so all I have is fuzzy photos of photos. My apologies!

Sometimes in life things simply don’t go your way, and there’s nothing to do but make the best of a tough situation. Sending my husband to war the very first year of our marriage felt like a series of tough breaks, let me tell ya!

Somewhere around the 6-month-mark of the deployment, word came down that SOME of the soldiers would be receiving a little thing called “mid-tour leave.”

Mid-Tour Leave is this amazing treat where a service member gets to leave their year-or-longer deployment to come home for TWO whole weeks.

When I first heard of this, I was full of hope and excitement. I had never imagined that Alan might get to come see me before the year was up. But wait. Some? How do they choose which ones get a break and which ones don’t?

Alan, proudly displaying a rat that he’d killed. Their building suffered quite the infestation of rodents.

My friends and I tried not to get our hopes up, but of course we all hoped and prayed that our husbands would indeed receive one of these mid-tour leaves. Sign us up for that right away!

Immediately, we started seeing soldiers come home on pass. We were excited to see them, and it filled us with even more anticipation of “What about me? Am I next?”

And right away, Alan began his campaign to keep me from getting my hopes up.

Alan had no intention of taking any pass. If there were a limited number of mid-tour leaves available, then Alan maintained that he would not touch one. No way was he taking a pass which may cost a younger soldier, with less rank, or a father who wanted to see their children, theirs.

“April, think about it. Some of these have children they haven’t seen in 6 months. And how would you feel if you saw my boss at home while I wasn’t getting to come home? We don’t want to make anyone feel like that.”

He was right. Eventually, I had to watch all of his bosses come home on leave while Alan stayed in the combat zone. No, it wasn’t a fantastic feeling.

That’s Alan. Always taking the high road. Yes, that’s one reason I married him, but how irritating was this now.

At first I fought it.

It was hard for me to convert to this unselfish way of thinking. Alan hardly had any rank, it seemed. He was a lieutenant. That’s as low as you can go in the officer ranks, but compared to the average, young enlisted men it was a different story.

Everyone had a hard job over there. It’s war. War is ugly, but the lower you are on the totem pole, the greater the likelihood of getting the worst job (in my opinion) of all…..burning out the outhouse waste. There’s actually a registry now of all soldiers exposed to that toxin.

I didn’t want to think about who wouldn’t get a pass if he did. I just wanted HIM to get one! He deserved it. They ALL deserved it. Oh! The insanity of it all!

But in the end, I was proud of Alan for declining to take a mid-tour leave. I accepted what he was doing as the right thing to do.

I stood by and watched as one by one, all of my friends’ husbands came home for their two-week pass. Jealousy threatened, I know it did.

Sure, I was jealous. Who wouldn’t be? But at the same time, I was happy for my friends. I was especially happy for the ones who were still having a harder time emotionally and for the fathers and children reunited.

Isn’t it funny how sometimes you have to work at being a good person? Ha! I sometimes had to work at it, but not too hard. It made me happy to see my friends happy, and yes, it made me sad too. I wasn’t sad that they got to see their husbands. I was only sad that I didn’t get to see mine. Why couldn’t we ALL get this privilege? I’m sure there was a good reason, though I don’t know what it was.

Ever the optimist, sometimes I’d allow myself to dream that one day he’d just show up at my door, on a surprise mid-tour leave. Surely he was just taking me for a ride. Really he was coming home just like everyone else.

But it never happened. 

Alan did eventually receive a pass, though it wasn’t nearly as awesome as going home for 2 weeks. Instead, they sent service members who did not receive a mid-tour leave like Alan on a 3 day pass to Qatar.

He got to relax for a few days without the stress of war, and that’s the most important thing, though 3 days doesn’t sound like much. It was definitely better than nothing.

I laughed because the kitty that I was fostering belonged to an Air Force officer who was deployed to Qatar. In this case, the Air Force’s deployment location was the Army’s vacation spot. ha!!

While Alan was in Qatar, he went shopping in a local mall there. He sent me photos from the Starbucks and such to show me how Westernized Qatar is.

That crazy man purchased a full burqa for me and Middle Eastern clothes for himself as well. He thought it would be so hilarious if we wore those to the mall in Killeen whenever he got home from the war and just watch people’s reactions. I told him no way. He was out of touch (literally) to think people in Texas in 2004 would find it funny for us to dress like that and go hang out at the mall.

Alan may be extra responsible and kind, but now you also know that he has a good sense of humor and enjoys shocking people. I, on the other hand, would rather never shock anyone.

As you can see from the women’s clothing around Alan and the other soldiers, Qatar is still a very strict Muslim society.

We weren’t the only ones to not receive mid-tour leave. We were just the only ones of my close friends, so it seemed like EVERYONE got one but us.

You can also see (in the photos above) that there were actually plenty of young soldiers who did not receive a mid-tour leave. I think there may have been some sort of lottery that Alan asked them to leave his name out of or something.

I’m thankful they gave at least some of the soldiers a mid-tour leave. Some is better than none, but it was a giant disappointment for all the ones denied that leave. I don’t know. Maybe Alan wasn’t all that disappointed, but I can guarantee you that many were.

Years later, when Alan went back to Iraq in 2008-2009, we DID receive a mid-tour leave, by then everyone did, and it was so sweet. We took the boys to Disney World, and it was such a blessing that helped Joshua (then age 3) to remember who his father was.

the Persian Gulf

Be sure to come back next week for the day Alan’s parents woke me up with BIG news from the war, involving Alan! Here’s a hint: It was December 13, 2003, and I have AMAZING photos of this event.

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