3D Hand, by Caleb

Have you ever had a problem that no matter what you tried, it would not go away?

Ten years ago, I thought it was a fluke. I thought it just needed to be quickly fixed, and then we would move on with our lives.

It took longer than I figured, but it did mostly eventually go away.

Until it didn’t, because eventually it showed back up, bringing a friend with it. So now there were 2 problems. The medical people seemed unable to help me, so I tried the chiropractic people. That helped for a while. Problem solved.

Years went by.

And then the cat came back, and now there were 3 of them. And then 4, and then 5.

Okay, there was no cat. I’m talking about my hip here. And then it was my hip and my shoulder, forever appearing together ever since. Then it was my hip, my shoulder, and my finger tips. My heart did weird things.

I remind myself of Paul. Even he had problems that God did not take from him:   “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.”  –2 Corinthians 12:7-8

Paul pleaded, but God did not take it away:

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  –2 Corinthians 12:9   We do cry out for God’s power more when we are weak, don’t we? When we’ve “got this”, we start to think we have no need for God.

Being gluten-free helped for a while, until it didn’t. 

Today I went to the dermatologist. Give me something to make the pain and ugliness of my nails go away. Heal the ache. But they said it isn’t supposed to hurt. It’s only supposed to be ugly, but my fingers hurt.

She wants me to see another rheumatologist and get all this mess figured out. She’s calling my doctor to discuss it. I don’t want them to discuss it. It’ll only bring light to the fact that I never showed up for the x-rays she ordered. (I don’t need more x-rays. They never help. Enough already.)

I don’t want to go. Yes, I know something is wrong, but I don’t even care what it is anymore. I don’t even care that they can’t fix it. Prescription strength Naproxyn takes the edge off. When it’s not enough I have Lidocaine patches. I go to physical therapy and do the exercises they tell me to do.

I’m tired, and I’m done worrying about this medical mess.

I have accepted all of the cats. They can just stay.

Today I don’t feel like fighting it, whatever it may be. I just want to lay down and cry. All right, truth be told I broke down crying in the dermatologist office. I didn’t want to, and it was embarrassing. She kept asking me questions, and talking about it makes me sad and confused. These are issues that I’m ignoring and hiding in the subconscious area of my brain. Didn’t you see Inside Out???

Today I don’t care about all that. I only want to be held in the arms of Jesus. I long only for the comforting of the Holy Spirit. My physical problems are a small thing. The pain comes and goes. These aches are temporary. Everyone dies. We don’t last forever.

There is so much more to life than the physical.

My children, my happy thoughts

I’d much rather focus on helping my boys with their problems, and we’re beginning to realize that one of my sweet boys has quite a battle ahead of him to fight. I hurt for him, and I want to fix it for him. Only I don’t know how.

It isn’t our job to fix all the problems.

Our job is to be supportive and loving. Look for hope where you can find hope. Hold on to the promises of God that you are never forsaken. Rest in the arms of Jesus, and allow yourself to be comforted.

“The Spirit also hears our infirmities, for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. And he that searches the hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because he makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.”    Romans 8:26-27

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon you.  For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Savior.”  Isaiah 43:2-3

No, some of our thorns will never leave our earthly body, but there’s a soul inside of us.

That soul is forever, and it is ever so much more important than any flesh and bones made from dust. That soul gets its nourishment from love and communion with God. We gotta keep on praying, singing, loving our children, helping our fellow-man, and loving even the least of these. And when life hurts, cry to Jesus. Don’t be too proud to get help.

28Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.…”  Matthew 11:28-29

Let’s keep encouraging one another, especially when life is hard. Thank you all for encouraging me through 2016. I thank God for all of you!

The post When Your Problems Won’t Go Away appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Have you ever tried to be gluten-free? Before you roll your eyes, let me assure you that I’m not about to try to convince you to join me on this.

I’m trying this, at the recommendation of my cardiologist, in order to feel better.

Can I get a tee-shirt that contains that explanation because I feel like such a trendy hippie or diet-nut at parties now.

“Are these gluten-free?”

I don’t want to be that guy. Maybe I should just start carrying food around in my purse.

I turned down CAKE at a party the other day. Ice cream cake!!! I felt like such a heel.

“Did your mama just turn down cake?” “I don’t know the woman.”

I’m so new at this that I mistakenly eat gluten every single day still. The other day I was so very proudly chomping away at my salad, thinking, “Mmmm Mmmm MMMmmmm,” and then I realized, “Oh. I just ate like 10 croutons, which I’m sure had no gluten at all…..”

Oops.

The other night, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I told Alan, “Please go to any store that you can find open (on a Sunday night), and buy me some gluten-free bread.”

Alan came home, with get this, a NINE dollar loaf of gluten-free bread.

Did? What? How did?  Nine!!!!!! Nine dollars!!!

Now if you know Alan, then you also now officially know that Alan loves me more than life itself because Alan does not buy over-priced things. I’m not even sure if Alan buys reasonably priced things. Alan believes in saving money.

Nine dollar bread.

So I’ve gained like 5 pounds since Sunday, and it’s only Tuesday, because goodness knows we cannot possibly let a single slice of that loaf go bad before it is consumed. It was obviously spun out of gold.

Again, it cost nine dollars. Nine.

I’m pretty sure we will never do that again, but Alan knew how desperate I was for bread that night. Thank you, Honey!

My favorite restaurant in the world: Cracker Barrel. Gluten or no gluten. Some things are worth the pain.

I’ve always said that our lives are in the hand of the Lord, and He will guide us if we only ask him to, and he provides, oh, he always provides. The whole time I’ve lived here, in California, I’ve thought, “Geesh. Why are so many of my friends gluten-free? It must be a California thing.”

Ha! I happen to be in the exact perfect place to learn affordable tricks for eating this way, mostly due to my friends Joy and Lacy.

I am so thankful!

Did you know? “Up to 25% of people who have psoriasis also may be sensitive to gluten.”  https://www.psoriasis.org/treating-psoriasis/complementary-and-alternative/diet-and-nutrition/gluten-free-diet

My first mission is to buy a bread maker, lest I feel tempted to buy any more nine dollar bread. I’m looking for a second-hand one because so many people get these for wedding gifts and never use them. Any of you have one you’d like to sell me?

Thankfully, my friend Lacy also said that you can buy gluten-free bread at Trader Joe’s for much less than nine dollars. Ha! Phew!

I haven’t actually completed a whole gluten-free day yet, but I’m making small changes, one at a time. Last week was a true low point, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I began to wonder if I’d ever get to just feel normal again.

It’s been so depressing to be so uncomfortable all the time!

Today has been a serious victory. Every morning I carefully pull myself out of bed, wondering, “What will hurt this morning?” But today I have felt normal!!! Two days of total normalcy!!  I didn’t realize what a toll all the aches, pains, and fevers were taking on me. It is so much easier to be happy when your body doesn’t feel like it’s clamping down on you!

I don’t know if cutting out gluten will help me or not, but it’s worth a shot. Either way, let me tell ya, this whole process has given new meaning to the verse “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.”  (Proverbs 27:1)

Each day that I feel well, I have this sense of urgency, wanting to get as much done as possible, in case tomorrow I just can’t. However, I don’t want to live under that kind of pressure.

I figure the best I can do is draw close to God, weep when I need to weep, laugh as much as possible, and eat the best that I can. No need for stress. Trust the Lord, and make wise choices. That’s all any of us can do anyway.

I’m off to bake something chocolate with my gluten-free flour. Now I’d like to see just one of them try to take my chocolate away from me.

The post You can have the gluten, but you’ll never get the chocolate! appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Vacation in Boston, Summer 2012, Pain level was way down. Such a fun time!

To read Part I Click here. Again, this is a chronic pain post: feel free to skip this one if it’s not your cup of tea. I promise to not always blog about hip pain y’all…

Now onto Part II of the saga.

So where did we leave off? Oh, yes. I was lying on my bed, probably on a hot pad, staring at the ceiling, praying, and crying.

I prayed for help. It came. God has always been so faithful.

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll just pretend I’m not home,” I thought.

“Mom! Mom! Mom! Someone’s at the door!!!  Mom!! Get up! The doorbell!”

Groan. Obviously, we are at home.

“I’m coming. Okay.” I hobbled down the stairs, keeping my arm tucked in close. I answered the door. Just a nice lady needing to ask me a few questions. I don’t even remember her name.

I apologized for taking so long to answer the door. I explained that I’d been having trouble with my back. (It’s just much quicker than saying hip and shoulder.)

And do you know what she did?? She said she could relate! And then she pulled out her phone, and she said, “I have this chiropractor, his name is Dr. Bodnar. Let me give you his number.”

She assured me he was the best, and then she left. I never saw her before that day, and I never saw her afterwards.

I had only been to a chiropractor one other time, way back in 2005, when I was 8 months pregnant and also desperate for help with the hip.

I called the chiropractor. They got me in the very next day. Take that, physical therapy clinic! They were thorough. As my Granny, a fellow pain sufferer, once said, “They measured every bone in my body.” They also took x-rays.

One visit. One visit was all it took to fix the rib-cage thing. He just crunched my back, and bam! that rib went back to where it belonged. The truly fantabulous part is: It never came back!! Phew!

My neck was also repaired quickly. In only a few appointments, I could back up my car with a clear conscience. Wahoo!

Even the hip and shoulder tapered down to a manageable level. I was sold. I didn’t even bother to go back to the doctor who did the x-rays at my regular clinic. These chiropractor people were helping me, so I’d stick with them. No, my insurance didn’t pay for it, but I was breathing, walking, and sitting! Things were looking up!

They explained to me that my neck was straight rather than curved as it should be, and one side of my pelvis is higher than the other.

That’s when I also began to exercise. Dr. Bodnar gave me a few basic stretches and elbow planks to strengthen my core.

Y’all! When I began to do elbow planks in 2012, I couldn’t hold it for more than 3 seconds! It was so sad!! Now I can do 3 sets of 30 seconds a piece, in a row! I have come so far. At that time, the weak core explanation for my pain was something I could settle for. It was true back then. Not so, these days.

The exercise phase.

I lost 15 pounds. I ran. I swam. I was feeling great.

“Hey! Let’s have another baby!” You know I love babies.

But the truth had sunk in by this point that my hip and shoulder were chronic. This is a pain I will be “managing” for the rest of my life. Sometimes, even with the chiropractic care, my hip would flare up for a few days and then calm back down. The shoulder is more of a steady pinch, but I mostly only notice it when I’m lying down or sitting.

I call it sciatica, a hip problem, or a rear end problem. I know it’s confusing. The thing is that when it’s flared up, it hurts to drive, sit, lay down, or climb stairs. When I touch my foot to the pedals of a car, it hurts in my rear end and lower back, just to the right of my spine and deep into my rear.

But then there’s another aspect beside the sacroiliac pain.  The hip joint itself is also angry, so if the flare up gets bad enough, I have trouble walking. Maybe it’s all part of the same thing, but that’s why I keep saying I don’t know what I have, I just know it hurts.

So I was careful about the fourth pregnancy. I faithfully visited Dr. Bodnar every other week. It was my healthiest pregnancy of all four. The pain still came and went, but no horror stories. It was super mild. The worst problem I had was pregnancy anemia and women in grocery stores asking me if I was sure I wasn’t having twins!

Rudest thing ever people. Just tell pregnant women, “You look great.”

That pregnancy agreed with me.

During that pregnancy, I also finally made it to a dermatologist for several things. I’m supposed to go every year, but I don’t. That was when I learned that I had psoriasis. Phew! What a relief! I was afraid that crazy nail was fungus or something, and oh the public disgrace! But no, just psoriasis. No biggie. I’d had the scalp and nose rash for as long as I could remember, but I’d never bothered to find out what it was. It’s not big or very noticeable, so I don’t worry about it.

From 2012 to Fall 2014, the shoulder and hip would wax and wane in intensity, but it mostly stayed mild and manageable. We moved across country, and I made it–all of that car riding!–with no problem. Those were two happy, fit years, even with the c-section thrown in. I was quick to recover. I worked hard to get my ab muscles back in tact, thanks to my Lindsey Brin fitness DVDs and my yoga instructor, Monica.

But then came the 2014 move. I was good the first few months, but as I began to home school the boys, I could not find time to exercise. Plus, I was so tense and stressed. My old pain came back knocking hard.

Such a beautiful place to move to! Who wouldn’t want to live near the coast of California?

I found a local chiropractor. That helped. Then I went on Christmas vacation. I had a truly happy outlook. For some reason, that seems to make a difference. I had a fun time in Alabama, and when we came back I had my very first 4 completely pain-free months since 2011! I was ecstatic. I’d thought that ache was just part of me. But it disappeared for four whole months!! Wahooooooo!

While the shoulder ache and the hip pain evaporated, a new pain showed up around Fall 2014. Remember the white pinky nail I mentioned in Part I? Well, eventually every single fingernail, save one or two, went white and yellow and pink on me. Toward the tip, it gets super thick and looks like it’s separating from the nail bed. It’s embarrassing.

my fingernail psoriasis: a surprisingly obnoxious condition. This is also called onycholysis.

Also, it hurts. That was when I learned to wash my hair with only whatever one or two fingers was working properly. It wasn’t like the arthritis fingers, where they have swelling in their knuckles. It was just the tips of my fingers that hurt. I still have it in my thumb.

I learned to not even attempt buttons or jars. At least I could walk. Four whole months of no shoulder or hip pain! 2015 was off to a smashing start! I was happy. Home school was going better. I was finally making friends, and suddenly I had offers to make money blogging.

Life was looking up for April. I even began to tell myself that perhaps the shoulder and hip thing was truly over. I even took on a sponsored post with a personal trainer who put me on this Water Challenge that totally fixed most of my nails:

If you look closely, you can still see it in my index finger, but look at my happy, healthy thumb nail! All from drinking tons of water. Thank you, Coach Cox!

We’ll talk about Part III next time: The pain came back, and I finally met a health care professional who questioned my spine theory.

Read Part I here.

Read Part III here.

The post My Battle With Chronic Pain Part II: Tendonitis, Sacroiliac Pain, Muscle Strain, Whatever appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

I’ve been talking a lot about my hermit problem, and I want you all to know that things are getting so much better around here. The boys are finally opening up a little more at tutoring. I had to practically drag them away from there today! Even John David doesn’t cry when I drop him off for the tutoring childcare! We have all met plenty of people that we truly like, and the fact is that I haven’t met one single person here that I can’t find something to like about.

I’m starting to remember. Oh yeah! I do like people!

Transitions are just hard, aren’t they? John David and I seem to have the hardest time with them. Every time I see him pitching a fit over some great new change in his life, I just remind myself, “This child is me.”

Moving across country and beginning home school all at one time was a huge transition. We’re over the hump. We still have rough days. I still make regrettable parenting errors, but I’m feeling hopeful.

That’s why I could never name my blog “Biblical Homemaking” or something like that. Can you imagine the pressure!? Ha!

All it would take was one time for a neighbor to overhear me losing my patience with my family, and I would be completely discredited. Nope. Not trying to act like something I’m not. We’re just a family, trying to do what is best. We listen to God. We make mistakes. We get back up again. 🙂

I have some really great news for you. John David has successfully made the transition to toddler bed!

Oh! Do you see those black out curtains? I’ve been storing those for 3 moves, and they finally came in handy! John David slept until 8 am for three mornings in a row.

I know! I hope you’re okay. Didn’t mean to make anyone choke on their coffee here. I was shocked too…

Happy JD. Happy parents. Sometimes he still wakes up at 1 am for cuddles though. yep. cuddles. I know. You hard-core folks would never put up with such, but hard-core we are not.

I was sitting in his recliner yesterday, and I chuckled at his neediness, “Oh, JD, you are so spoiled,” and as soon as I said it, I felt so sad! This child is not spoiled. This is the FOURTH baby. He rarely gets Mommy to himself. He gets a fraction of the amount of time with me that Joshua, or even Caleb or Daniel, got. With Daniel, I sent the big boys to school, and I was his all day long. JD doesn’t get that, so let the world shake their heads. If my baby needs some 1 am cuddles, then that’s just what he will get.

….And that’s why I have a strict policy about going to bed at 10pm now. It has changed my life! Over Christmas, I did all of that relaxing and sleeping, and I came home feeling like a new person. I decided then and there that I will never kill myself with sleep deprivation, stress, and unrealistic expectations again.

Do you remember my psoriatic arthritis theory and this thumb nail?

Well, it got a whole lot worse than that by Christmas, but guess what. You won’t believe it. My thumb nail is now completely NORMAL.  It’s all GONE!

So is my shoulder pain! You cannot convince me that the two are not related. I am quite sure that stress and sleep made a difference. I don’t want to end up with those nails, popping Advil 800, ever again.

In other news….Apparently, sleep is important to Alan too.

Caleb came home from the Spongebob movie Saturday and said, “Hey, Mom, just to tell you, at Spongebob Squarepants, Dad fell asleep through a lot of it.”

haaaaaaaa I asked Alan about that. He looked a little ashamed. hehehe

Alan and the boys have a few things in common, when it comes to deciding what is interesting and what is not. The other night, they were taking too long to eat their dinner, so I whipped out a magazine article on glaciers and started reading it to Joshua, Caleb, and Alan. Alan protested and started digging around for the Childcraft book on great battles for freedom.

I thought the glacier article was fascinating. Halfway through, I stopped and quizzed them all, “Wow, so what animal lives in this glacier?”

Three blank stares.

Alan said, “No idea. That was boring. Can I read my story now?”

humph!  Caleb said, “Polar bears?”

“No! Didn’t y’all hear me say the part about the little black worms that feed on the invisible algae!!???”

They all sort of giggled and started making worm jokes. I still made them listen to the rest, though. The boys said they liked it, so at least we know they’ve learned to try to make their momma happy!

I wonder if they liked Alan’s story about the Battle of Tours better.

It’s 9:45, so I’d better get to sleep. Guess who is coming to visit this week!!  We are all so excited!!!

As Joshua said, “Aunt Jennings is coming!!  You remember, Caleb, she has the glasses. Don’t you remember? She gave us the Hank the Cowdog books!”

The Hank the Cowdog books are a hit. I even enjoy them!

Hope you all have a great week!   We’ll be having a ball showing Jennings our favorite California spots!

The post Making Transitions and Solving Sleep Problems appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.