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I can be a serious stress ball. If there’s a problem, it’s a “crisis.” When things go wrong, I feel like it’s all my fault. Self-chastisement is my specialty.

Getting the kids off to school in the morning is my #1 flip-out trigger. If you don’t believe that I am capable of total lunacy, you have clearly not seen me on a morning when someone’s shoes are missing, someone wouldn’t get out of bed on time, someone doesn’t have a clean Batman shirt, and another someone is taking 45 minutes to eat their ever-loving cereal!!!

Just ask Alan, Jennings, my parents, Alan’s parents, or any of my old roommates. They’ve all seen it.

Can I change the core of who I am? Eh…..

Can you re-program yourself to have a calmer head in tense situations? Hmmmmm

So many times I’ve said:

“I promise I will do better.”

“I will try really hard to not flip out again.”

But once the chaos tornado of life starts to swoop me up into a stress ball, I go right back to my old patterns.

Are you with me? Do any of you struggle with this, or even with something else, that no matter how hard you try to “do better”, you don’t?

What does the Bible say about this?

The Bible says that God is the one who can help us with our sin problems, things like anger, self-control, impurity, slander, jealousy, and the list goes on and on and on.

How? How can He help us???

James, the brother of Jesus, said it really well in the book of James, chapter 4, 6 through 8:

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”

That inner voice of self-condemnation that follows you around saying,

“Look what a failure you are because you did not lay out your kids’ clothes last night.”

“You are awful for not being more on top of this. Get your act together.”

and

“You are such a mess. Why didn’t you teach your kids better? Why are you so disorganized?”

That is not from God!! That is from the enemy of God. We all have both good and bad warring within us. I think Paul put it best when he said:

18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. 20And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.…   Romans 7:18-20

So how do we increase our good and decrease our inner stress ball???

By combatting our lack of faith by drawing near to God. Flipping out is really just a sign that we are lacking faith in that moment.

Seek him in the morning, during the day, and again at night.

How do we seek him?

The first step is to open the Bible, and read about Him. Pray about what you read. Ask for understanding.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”

Once you have sought him enough that he is even in the front of your mind in the heat of the stress-ball moments, you can PRAY through your frustration for help with this, in the middle of your unraveling.

We’re not just talking about praying for your aunt’s injured toe. Pray about your problem!! Pray for calm when things are hard. Seek his help in combatting your explosive reactions to stress specifically.

I have seen it work. God is faithful. He will help you.

And when you forget–because you will sometimes forget, pick yourself up. Seek him. Try again.

We don’t have to solve these problems on our own. Our God is more than big enough to help us. Give him a chance to help you.

Do you have a stress-ball strategy that helps you that you’d like to share with us? We’d love to read those in the comment section below. Thank you so much for sharing!

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Have you ever felt old before your time or just achy all over the place?  I keep wondering. Is this just getting older? Or is this a problem that can be fixed? And how do you know which is which?

Several of my readers liked the video with the stretching tips for hip pain, so today I’m including a stretching video for heel/foot pain and swelling. This is another nuisance that I deal with that I think is very common.

So I’ve learned a few things, for those of you on the age-speed-train with me.

#1. For the heart as well as the back: Walking. Just walk everyday. It’s good for every single thing about you, so as long as your body allows you to do so, walk.

#2. For the shoulder: I’m ordering this book:

They say that not taking time to do relaxing things can actually cause strained muscles and tendonitis, which my body has in multiple places. Stress could actually be killing us. Who knows? It’s worth a shot!

#3. Swollen heels are often caused by tight calf muscles, so my physical therapist gave me this exercise:

#4. CONSTANTLY monitor your posture. Sit and stand as straight as you possibly can. 

#5. Do something relaxing. Today I am going shoe shopping and eating lunch BY MYSELF. Some of you may not find that relaxing, but for me it is perfect.

Or maybe I should have JD give me a head rub.

Here’s a perfect example of #5, doing something relaxing. JD calmed his cousin ever-so-easily with a little head rub:

Crying baby, meet John David.

calming baby

His work here is done.  

#6. Buy bigger shoes. Never wear uncomfortable shoes or high heels.

my tired, achy, red-arround-the-edges feet…(Truth is, I’m a stay-at- home mom. I mostly don’t even wear shoes.)

Did I just post a photo of feet!!??  I’m seriously all girl, so this one is terribly sad for me. I mostly gave up high heels around 5 years ago, and that kept my feet problems at bay for a long time, but that alone is no longer cutting it. Today I’m buying bigger tennis shoes. It’s important for shoes to fit.

#7. Become a better friend.

I received my very first get well card in the mail last week, and I can’t tell you how much it meant to me. Several people have come up to me at church to tell me that they are praying for me and ask how I’m doing. Wow! How encouraging to know!

I’ve always said that I have the best friends.

From this, I am learning how to be a better friend. This goes back to that lesson about not over-scheduling yourself too because if we are so busy with all of our own obligations, how can we ever take time to encourage anyone else?

#8. Pray and read your Bible! Allow the Lord to go to the mat for you.

The other week, I was at yet another doctor appointment, for even more medical tests. There was some confusion about my appointment time, which threw off my whole schedule, and getting an appointment with this cardiologist is difficult. My results appointment was for Tuesday, so the tests needed to be done before that, or there would be no results to share.

The receptionist said, “There’s no way we can get you in before Tuesday. Well, we could have it done at the hospital, but then that might be hard with billing….”

I was so finished caring, or maybe I cared too much. Either way, I leveled with her, staying as calm as I could, though I’m sure I had tears in my voice.  “I have been through so much this year, I do not care. I don’t care what you do or when you do it, or how. You just tell me where to be, and I’ll be there. I’m going to go sit down in the waiting room.” (I still had another test to do.)

I know, I wasn’t easy going. I was not breezy.  I’m afraid I’m becoming Maxine, way before my time.

OKay. So you’re wondering what this story has to do with prayer. Hang with me.

I sat back down in the waiting room, and I prayed, “Lord, I’m so done dealing with this! I don’t even want to go to any more of these stupid appointments, but Lord, if you could just help me. You fix it. I can’t. I give up.”

It didn’t take long for the desk girl to reappear. “April?”

I slowly walked back to the desk.

“You can come tomorrow. Anytime you want.”

Prayer, people. I’m telling you. Prayer.

“Can I come at 4:00?”

“Yes.”
“Great! Thanks!”

Glory.

#9. Hang out with people who make you laugh.

My people are funny. (Don’t worry. He’s doing the crossed-eyes on purpose.)

Laughter is healing.

#10. Get more sleep.

…because that’s my answer to everything..

The post 10 Things to Try When You’re Feeling Achy appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Such an anti-climactic couple of days around here.

Do any of you have chronic back pain? I sure do. Upper back, lower back. It goes down the side of my right leg. It pops up in my wrist. I’m always hurting, some days worse than others. When I want to pretend like I feel fine, I pop an Advil 800 and head out into the world. When I want to sleep, I take Tylenol PM.

I lay on hot packs. I rub on Panaway essential oil. I have a stash of back massagers, tens units, back braces, lumbar pillows, anything you’d buy to help with your back, I’ve got a few of them.

No one wants to read about other people’s medical problems, so I try not to write about it too much.

Today was the day I got my MRI report back. I was all excited and nervous about this.

Surely I didn’t research every sort of problem that could cause back pain. Surely I wasn’t afraid that I had cancer. Surely I didn’t imagine suitable replacement wives for my husband. Haha! No, no…. of course I am not that insane.

I just have a wild imagination. I’ve never been a worrier, but I admit I went a little overboard on this one. The thing is that I so badly wanted to know what caused my pain. I figured if I knew the cause, maybe I could fix it.

So when the doctor’s office, which I can never ever get an appointment with, actually called ME to schedule an appointment right away to discuss my MRI results in depth, I thought, “Oh! This is it. There was something on the MRI. We’re getting somewhere,” but those thoughts sort of led to, “I hope I’m not dying, or what if I need surgery?”

Therefore, it felt incredibly anti-climactic but also exciting to find out that the MRI suggests that I am fine. They didn’t let me read the actual report, but she said the only thing on there was tendonitis in my shoulder. 

Pretty funny, as I thought the shoulder MRI was a waste of effort. My shoulder itself is fine. It’s the back muscles around it that bother me.

I’m so happy and relieved to know that basically I am okay. Only, I’m not “okay.” I’m all tired, sleepy, lethargic, and achy.

So the next thing they wanted to discuss was depression……

Am I depressed? I don’t think I’m depressed. I have such a blessed life, I have no reason for sadness.

Okay, well, here’s the thing. I’m not depressed in the sense of being sad or lonely or such. However, the quality of life factor became greatly reduced the day I began to home school my boys.

It’s sad that something I wanted to do so badly turned out to be such a mixed bag of blessings and curses.

I love being with my family. I enjoy knowing what they are learning and seeing them succeed.

The thing is that I am not a school teacher. I don’t enjoy teaching, testing, or researching fun things to do. Plus, it hurts. My back hurts too badly to haul them out to field trips very often. It takes me days to recover from that.

Home schooling has been the single most humbling event of my life. I have leaned on my faith in the heavenly Father hard to simply get through my days. I wake up with a sense of dread over having to manage the course of the day for five separate people, while also feeding them all and wishing for a tidy house or time to do anything that I actually enjoy.

When the boys were in school, I relished that time between 8 and 2:30 to lavish love on my pre-schoolers and live at a slower pace. Then we’d pick them up at 3, we’d all head to the park, and we’d do homework and play in the evening. It worked for us.

I am so glad that I tried the home schooling thing. This was one of those jobs I looked at with high ideals and rose-colored glasses. I romanticized it in my mind, but in the end it is not for me.

Many women love it, and they should continue to home school. I should not.

The stress of managing a job I’m not cut out for is making my entire body hurt. Did you know that’s possible? It is. The aching body is making me less capable to take care of my family and my responsibilities.

I believe that the Lord puts inside of each of us a “soul thing”, a thing that we can do, enjoy doing, and bless others with. I have several soul things. I love being a mom, just a mom. Writing is my therapy, and singing is a little extra fun on the side. Those are my soul things. Oh! And when my back cooperates, I can cook like no tomorrow.

Next year, my children will be taught by someone who enjoys it, and I am going to get back to living a life that fits.

We all have a different mold we are created to fill. I’m done trying to fit into anyone else’s mold. I’m ready to get back to being a happier mom, and that will bless my boys and others as well.

“You won’t ever be able to keep up with unrealistic. Unrealistic demands lead to undercurrents of failure. So don’t allow the unrealistic demands of others to march freely into your life.”    Lisa Terkeurst, The Best Yes, page 161

“And this is my prayer:  that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.”    (Phil. 1:9-10, emphasis added)

The post Can Open, Worms Everywhere: The Back Pain, The Stress, and The Home Schooling appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Is the Christmas stress beginning to set in for any of you?

I can feel it. Christmas is more of a Mega-Urgent Task for me this year. I’m spending next week away at Science Camp with my kids. I’m afraid it’s going to be one of those no t.v./no internet sort of deals, since it’s a retreat center. That bums me out. How’s a girl supposed to entertain two pre-schoolers all day and night and do any Christmas shopping, without the internet or television?

What was I thinking, signing up for this?

Do you think the children would let me back out?

Once we get back, late in the evening on the 11th, we will turn around and fly to Alabama on the 13th.

Who planned this? I need to develop a greater compassion for my future self when I’m signing up for mess. Instead, I’m afraid I’m going to BE the mess.

So that’s my dilemma. To get out of Science Camp or to not get out of it? Can you tell which way I’m leaning?

Ironically enough, I have just begun reading this fantastic book. If you are related to me, don’t buy it. You might be getting it for Christmas. If you are not related to me, BUY IT, read it. You won’t regret it.  Here’s a link.  It’s called The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst.

I loved this quote from the book:

“That daily stuff–those responsibilities that seem more like distractions–those things we want to rush and just get through to get on with the better and bigger assignments of life–those things that are unnoticed places of service? They are the very experiences from which we unlock the riches of wisdom. We’ve got to practice wisdom in the everyday places of our lives.”      Lisa Terkeurst, page 41

Ah, the everyday tasks….

deciding whether or not to cancel Science Camp

potty training

feeding children—Doesn’t it seem like all you do, as a mom? By the time you clean up one meal, it’s time to begin prepping the next.

laundry—oh laundry

Crying, sick toddlers

children that should be napping.

the desperate desire to rest…

I went to sleep at 8:30pm Saturday night, with a fever of 99.8. I didn’t fully wake up until 8:30am Sunday morning. Don’t worry. I’m not sick, but I live with a fever half the time, and we don’t know why.

I have a rheumatologist appointment on Wednesday, but I have this feeling that they will not be able to figure it out either, and they’ll send me home saying that I’m fine.

I know. I’m sounding like a bummer. I DO NOT want to be such a drag, so allow me to share happier thoughts..

Our two years in California feels like a strange detour. We’ve been plunked down in what is not a foreign land, and yet in many ways it is.

Even the seasons are different. The grass turns green in November. It turns brown around June.

This is what brings me the most comfort through all of the uncertainty, the decisions that come with being a parent, the health problems, the loneliness of home schooling, and the home-sickness:

Trusting God.

I am prone to full-on stress-ball fits of freaking out. Get two or three kids talking in my ear, about two or three different demands, and a toddler asking to pee, all at once, and I begin to unravel.

I can’t take it! Would you please all take a number and sit down? No, there are no numbers, but there should be!!

But God is here. God brought us here, and He does not leave us alone. Let the world think what they want to think. Let the angry people fuss. Doesn’t matter.

This world is a beautiful place, created by God himself. Believing otherwise is foolish. My sons love to make things out of Lego blocks. I wouldn’t look at one of their creations and try to figure out how it came to be. It is obviously created by someone.

That applies even more so with living, breathing people. Humans, animals, and plants are incredible! How could anyone look at these intricate systems and believe that they magically formed themselves? Ludicrous.

Believing is a choice. Some people simply refuse to believe in anything. The skeptics. I do pity the skeptics. They are living with only a portion of God’s love in their life, and they have no idea what they are missing.

But the world is so full of both God’s love and the Devil’s lies, that the skeptics don’t recognize which is which. Even the believers sometimes have trouble discerning the difference, myself included.

I am not a skeptic.

I’m a believer, a believer in God, and in Jesus, his Son. I believe in showing love even when you don’t want to do so. While I find this almost impossible to do, I believe in not retorting to insults, because what good will it do?

I believe in teaching kids kindness and respect. That’s right, respect. And obedience! I believe in God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life.

I believe in loving even the people I do not agree with. You will never see a person-bashing post on my Facebook wall.

I believe in humility, in acknowledging that I don’t have all the answers. Peace, goodness knows I believe in peace. When I am thinking clearly, I carefully choose each word I speak, always trying to promote peace. Unless I am in stress-ball mode, when I do not at all do what I want to do, but instead I do the complete opposite.

But I believe that with God’s help, I can improve! I believe all people can improve.

My grandma wrote this poem. I love it. It applies perfectly to the theme of my past year and a half in California: Trusting God, when you’ve reached the end of yourself. There are problems too big for me to fix. All I can do is show love. Let God take care of the rest.

Humility

Keep me humble, oh Lord.

Keep me humble as a little child.

Never let me forget

You were with me while

I had many burdens

That alone I couldn’t bear;

You were ever beside me

Guiding me with Your care.

Never let me take credit

For any deed You have done.

Never let me think that alone

Any battle I have won.

Always walk beside me

As through life I go;

And somehow through me

Please let Your glory show.

by BHK

We wish you a merry Christmas!! I just stuck my head out the door and subjected the neighbor boys to a 5 minute lecture/lesson on scooter safety. Haha!!  I love being old!

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The first day went so well, I was euphoric really.

First Day of Tot School, which means nothing at all, really.

I felt like I was on a roll! The 2nd year is so much easier than the first!

And then the rest of the week just kept on coming, and coming, and coming. School has gone well, but life isn’t just school. Teachers don’t just work from the beginning of the school day to the end of it. We work for HOURS afterward.

Normally.

Only this week, we have had an outside activity every. single. blessed. night. I am now the embodiment of grumpy because I’ve had no time to plan or prep or blog or stare at the ceiling!!

I have spent my school days saying,

“Well, I am not sure where I put the days of the week, so we will find those this weekend.”

“Oh, I didn’t get to prep your clipboards last night, so hold on, let me get that.”

Non-stop obligations and activities terrifies me.

I long for quiet time at home. I have a full day of teaching and doctor appointments tomorrow, and I have to co-host a party tonight.

This is my desperate plea for prayers. I sound so drama queen, right? Ugh. Tisk, tisk, April. Pull yourself together. I’m just not okay right now. I’m “hanging in there”, but this pace of life is not my thing.

I am a solution oriented person, so these are my solutions:

1. One deadline that was today will simply have to be moved.

2. One of these activities will be fulfilled, and then we will not renew that commitment. Over-stretching ourselves does not make for joy.

3. I refuse to leave the house this weekend. Refuse. It will take an emergency or flood, which is highly unlikely, or something to get my rear out of this house.

4. Much prayer and Bible study and being with my mom and husband this weekend will hopefully help me with THAT FEELING. You know the feeling where you are so stressed and overwhelmed that it feels like the roof is going to fall on your head? No? Just me? 😉

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

5. There have been other problems, people problems, that I need to just not worry about. Let it go! Let it go! I am so Elsa right now.

You know what? One of my biggest grievances was that I didn’t get to blog ALLL week-long. I feel so much better now!

I hope you are all having a good week. I’d like to say Congratulations to my sister-in-law and nephew, as he is now officially potty-trained. That is a major accomplishment.

And THANK YOU, Mom, for always coming when I call. My village wouldn’t function without you. Thank you!

This verse came to mind today, and no, by foes, I do not just mean my little children:

…2My foes have trampled upon me all day long, For they are many who fight proudly against me. 3When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. 4In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?…         Psalm 56:2-4

Only 2 days until Saturday! Only 2 days until Saturday!

I promise to finally upload the Back to School giveaway, with more first day pictures, this weekend. I promise. This week just fought a little more valiantly than I did, so come back soon!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQpxECtm1yo

The post The Back to School Meltdown appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

I have been working all day to clean up. My in-laws are on their way!

We are excited, but man, we have gotten MESSY lately.  By 5:20, I couldn’t even finish straightening up. I just ran out of steam.

I told the boys, “Nonna and DaddyO will be here in 2 hours!”

“Yay!!!” they all cheered. I said, “We still need to go upstairs and finish cleaning up, after dinner.”

Daniel jumped out of his chair, and said, “Me go clean upstairs!” Then he did this super hero running thing and dashed up the stairs. I could hear toys being thrown into boxes. I haven’t gone up to check, but 6 minutes later, Daniel came down looking very pleased with himself.

“Me cleaned it all up. My room. Yours room. Brothers’ room. Me did it.” He grinned from ear to ear.

He’s so adorable. We have never had a kid before that mixes up all of his pronouns. I have no idea why that just happens for some toddlers/preschoolers, but I’m hoping it will click for him soon!

The boys are learning about the Westward Expansion trails in school this week. I was looking everywhere for my Oregon Trail game. I was just sure I had one, but I can’t find it. I am way more excited about playing Oregon Trail than they are anyway.

After looking and looking, I decided to give up and just update my blog.

My two little boys are playing cars in the garage. My two big boys are running around upstairs playing, probably destroying all of Daniel’s hard work. It truly is like shoveling snow in a blizzard.

I’m an anxiety-ridden train wreck this week.

Yesterday was our “family presentation” at tutoring. We did our presentation on Washington, D.C., the perfect topic for us.

We lived there for the last 5 years, and we loved it.  We planned and created Friday-Sunday. I stupidly left the presentation tri-fold board out on the dining room table.

At 8:30 am, Monday morning, I went to grab it and rush everyone into the car. We were all running way behind, as I had let the boys sleep way too late. We had a time change hangover, I guess.

I bet you can guess what happened. I mean, OF COURSE, one of my children had drawn extra drawings on it. Of course, it was Caleb. The drawings were pretty good. The word bubbles were the problem. There was a drawing of Abraham Lincoln, with a comic bubble reading, “Boo hoo boo hoo baaa baaa hhaa haa baa”

I began to unravel.

I know. You think I am happy and laid back. I’m actually an uptight, controlling, stress ball, especially where achievement is concerned.

Besides that, there was a large drawing of a wooly mammoth, not bad, but it had a big comic bubble, which read, “Aburham Lincun” or something like that. I just remember that it was spelled wrong, off by a couple of letters, like he’d obviously tried to sound it out.

Why, Caleb, why?

I decided to cover up these comic bubbles with more DC photos. Only I couldn’t find any of our DC photo albums. Oh, wait. That’s because I haven’t printed out a single photo in about 3 years.

I’ll just cut one out of a DC coffee table book. Where is that thing? I was desperate.

Apparently, I have a box of stored books, because it and one of my favorite DC albums, made by Aunt Janet, was also missing. I couldn’t find them.

I tried to print more off of the computer. I worked on that for 10 minutes, but my computer was convinced that we suddenly didn’t own a printer.

Printer problems. But of course.

Finally, I snatched up our photo book of DC, one like you order from Snapfish. It hurt me to do it, but I had to cut the photo out with scissors. The mammoth part was huge, so I just tore out a whole page and covered that up.

Done! No one had a lunch packed or a snack.  “Everyone get in the car!!” I shouted, as I grabbed a bag of Tostitos and headed out the door.

I forgot my receipt book. I forgot sandwich bags. I was badly rattled, and so was poor little Caleb.

We pulled into the parking lot a few minutes late. Joshua said, “It’s no big deal, Mom. They can just let other people present before us.”

“We are the only people presenting, Joshua, that’s why I’m so freaked out!”

“Oh. Then yeah, we should hurry up.”

I told the boys to grab our presentation board and the Washington Monument that Caleb made out of Lego blocks and go ahead of me to the big room. I had to drop off the little ones first.

They waited for me outside the front of the big room. I dropped off the babies, and headed up the back stairway, missing the boys entirely, so I got to the room, and they were nowhere to be found.

At this point, I was fighting back tears.

To make a long story slightly shorter, we did finally find each other. The presentation went just fine.

You should have seen me going around to book bags and pouring in Tostitos without sandwich bags…..That was a low point as well. I just didn’t want my boys to starve.

There are days where my children lavish me with sweet words of love and praise. There are other days where one of them will say, “worst mother ever.”

Well, I’m pretty bad sometimes, but I’m sure there was a worst one at some point in the history of civilization, don’t you think? So not really worst EVER.

😉

The post Worst Mother Ever: Presentation Day appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Well, that’s been me for…well, since we moved, I guess. I just keep telling myself that if I just make it through this year, things will get better.

I love my children. I enjoy teaching them. I don’t even mind cooking dinner, but there is one part of this whole stay-at-home, home-schooling, blogger-mom gig that causes me very great stress.

Housework.

Where the school day ends, the house work begins, and with a house of 6 people, that “career” is enough to keep me busy all by itself. Then there’s the whole question of dinner. I’m out of the habit of making realistic dinner plans, so I’ve been pulling that together at the last minute.

Plus, every where I turn, we have another ant invasion. That’s right, our whole neighborhood has the most insane ant problem I have ever seen in my life. There are lines of them, eating-I can’t-figure out what in all of our bathrooms. With the rain, they have come into our home in record numbers.

Basically, around 3 or 4 everyday, I feel so completely burned out and defeated, that what I truly wish to do is get in my car and just drive until I find a restful place to stop.

The other day, in the depths of feeling as melancholy and hopeless as ever…

(I get that some of you have no idea why I would feel that way. Well, I’d take pictures of my house to explain it, but I’m afraid that would cause me to be judged by others of you, so I will be sharing no such pictures at this time.)

My messy house makes me want to cry. It sucks the energy out of me. People think of me as laid back, but I’m totally not. I’m actually a polite, high pressure, control freak that smiles a lot. There I said it.

Today I had 20 or so things on my mind, I was desperate to get out of the kitchen and escape somehow for a minute, and just as I thought I might go sit on the love seat and pout for just a second…Daniel spilled juice all over himself and the kitchen floor. At that EXACT SAME moment, JD knocked over a BOX of vanilla wafers, which at the bottom of the box, was more crumbs than wafers.

Did I mention that I had JUST swept and mopped the floor, not 30 minutes prior to this incident?

Did you also know that JD is so tall–almost freakishly so–that he can reach the kitchen countertops?

Somehow I didn’t manage to find all the crumbs to sweep up, so the floor is wet and crunchy. Daniel, Caleb, and JD are all taking a bath. That sounds nice, except I’m going to have to summon energy from SOMEWHERE to get them all dressed again.

When I say that I want to cry every single day, that is a gross understatement. I actually do cry most days. I have no idea how to catch up on all of the housekeeping, so I’ve taken to keeping one room of my house completely immaculate. I just started this a week ago.

It makes me feel like I have some sort of control over SOMETHING in my life. What room did I choose? The smallest room in the house: the laundry room. I’ve been working so hard on that room this week. It’s all I have time for! The washer and dryer are crud and dust free. The floor is spotless. The shelves are dusted. Nothing is in that room that doesn’t belong there–well, except for those photos that I haven’t hung yet.  But seriously, when?? When will I hang pictures?

So if you can’t find me……that may be where you will find me. NO, not hanging pictures, but cleaning my laundry room, so that I can feel like I’ve got something under control.

Do you think this is an awful lot of whining about house cleaning? It is! The cleanliness level of my house directly affects my mood–even if that should not be so.

Wednesday, as I was laying flat on my face, crying and whining to God in my prayers about how hard it is to teach these boys, never leave the house, and whoa whoa whoa whoa wheaaa wheaaaa wheaaa wheaaa wheaaaa….. I said, “I should just go get those boys right now, and put them back to work. Lord, what in the world should I do?”

“See them how I see them.”

No, don’t worry, friends, I do not hear the audible voice of God, never have, but I promise that he speaks to my heart.

I went to the boys’ window, and looked down at my three biggest boys, on the trampoline. JD toddled along beside me.

There they were. They each sat on a different side of the trampoline, Indian style. They appeared to be having some sort of meeting.

“Oh, right,” I thought, “They are just darling little children. I’m so thankful they have each other.This time on the trampoline together is good for them.”

I need not destroy the magic of their childhood with my own anxiety problems. Yes, I put too many demands upon myself. That’s not their fault. They are just children. 

So I have a goal, a very important goal. I am going to ENJOY the trip to Alabama this year. I’m not pregnant or breastfeeding, so I have that going for me. Yes, I have to fly with four children, but at least this time Alan gets to go with us.

I’m going to try to enjoy the plane ride and visiting the way that the children do, because normally I don’t, and that makes the trip less fun for everyone else.

Is this phase of homeschooling while also taking care of a toddler and a preschooler the hardest thing I have ever done?  YES. Aboslutely YES. I did home school Joshua in K4 and part of Kindergarten. That is  not the same at all as home schooling three different ages. Joshua and Caleb are so big now, that I don’t want to mess this up.

The really sad thing is that I’m letting all of these  pressures that I put on myself steal my joy. Why? I want everything to be perfect, and that is not an achievable goal.

Who likes perfect people anyway?

I’d better go take the boys out of the bathtub, remind myself to see them how God sees them, and try not to rain on everyone’s Christmas. 🙂

I feel like I’m giving my Eeyore-self a pep talk!!

“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.'”            James 4:6

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