A couple of weeks ago something strange happened. Four mornings in a row I woke up at 4am with my heart pounding and my chest all tight and uncomfortable.

“What. Weird. Why can’t I go back to sleep?” I thought, as I stared at the clock. 4am. That’s a time I usually only see if we make foolish airplane travel plans. April does not do early.

Pound.Pound.Pound.Pound.Pound. Well, I can’t possibly go to sleep like this!

I felt more like going running than going back to sleep.

On the 4th or 5th morning of this nonsense, I decided to go to the ER. My resting heart rate and blood pressure were both high, and one of my doctors had urged me to go to the ER or urgent care the next time this business happened, so I did.

I’ve never seen doctors move so quickly. Wait. That’s not true. I haven’t seen them move so quickly since the emergency c-section of 2011.

They ran all sorts of tests, and by the time two hours had passed my heart rate was down to beautiful numbers, and my heart was working like a well-oiled machine.

“Maybe you were having an anxiety attack,” the ER doctor suggested.

“At 4am, out of a dead sleep? Really?”

“Do you have stress in your life? Are you worried about anything?”

Hahahahaha  Do I have stress in my life? Me, the woman home schooling a house full of male children, sweet, spirited boys who belong nowhere other than a farm with sixty acres?

“Well, I’m worried about my hip pain. And I mean, yes, I have stress. I have four kids!”

“But I mean are you worried about anything other than your health?”

“No.”

Why doesn’t worrying about my health count? I think it counts.

Anyway, I left, and it didn’t take too long for my heart to crank up again, and after watching people freak out about it, I started to feel rather uneasy myself.

“Ok. So I have to just get to Monday with my heart like this, and maybe on Monday my doctor will help me,” I thought to myself.

Don’t worry. She did. She pulled up my records, saw the pattern that dated back to at least 2012, and she put me on a beta blocker medication that has helped immensely.

But that’s not the point of this story.

The point of this story focuses on those days between the ER morning and the appointment on Monday.

I knew I had to get through those two little days with my pounding, schizophrenic heart, and it was uncomfortable, and it was worrisome, and you know what I had to do?

I had to literally “trust God with my heart.”

In church circles, we hear that all the live long day. “Aw. Little Johnny asked Jesus into his heart.”

“You gotta get your heart right with God if you want his blessings.”

“Give your heart to Jesus.”

“Don’t harden your heart towards the Lord.”

When we say heart, we really mean the soul. I get it. But wait. Do we also mean more than that?

Do we just mean the soul? Or do we also sometimes mean life?

Because I noticed something pivotal in all of this rig-a-ma-roar.

The ER people, and even my general practitioner, sure treated me a lot differently when my heart was in distress than they did when my hip was hurt, and my hip hurt way more than my heart ever did.

But my hip is not my life. I could lose my hip, get a replacement, and keep on livin’.

The heart is the life. Once the heart gives out, it’s over. The fat lady is done singin’!

(Sorry. I think bad grammar helps emphasis sometimes.)

Now what these folks are missing is that if they’d bring down my hip pain, my heart might not get so upset, but that’s a topic for another day…

Now let’s apply the heart=life idea to a church phrase or two.

1. “Little Johnny gave his heart to Jesus.”

Little Johnny gave his life to Jesus. Jesus isn’t just there to take you to Heaven. Jesus wants  us to trust him with our life! He wants us to come to him in prayer and to follow his teaching.

2. “You gotta get your life right with God if you want his blessings.”

But let’s not put the cart before the horse. We have to ask for Him to forgive us, and then we have to trust him to help us “get our life right.” It will never look perfect, but you will see a difference.

The biggest take-away for me was the reminder to truly trust the Lord. When you’re consciously trusting Him with the very beat of your heart, it suddenly gets very REAL!

“He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely shall be delivered.”  Proverbs 27:26

“The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses.”  Psalm 25:17

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

*****It took a few months to figure out that this episode was actually a ventricular tachycardia episode. Read here for the next part in the story.*****************

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But hear me out one more time because I am STILL not over it yet. No, that’s not true. Hear me out today, and then probably several more times. I highlighted half the book.

I loved so much about it. Rather than make a huge list, which I could, I’m going to just focus on the first great thought that this book inspired in me. We’ll talk about the rest another time.

#1. “as long as I believe–really believe–God is there and He is out to do me good, I can stop freaking out trying to fix everything on my own. I can rest in the fact that God is in control.”

It recently occurred to me that when we have passed through long phases of life of fighting to get out of a hard situation, we can end up stuck in fight mode. We think, “I have to make sure I do this thing, or all will be lost!” and we live putting everything on the line, putting incredible pressure on ourselves, and we fight, and we fight, and we fight. Maybe it’s a good thing for a short time. There are times when we DO have to fight for things, both in blood, sweat, and tears, and in prayer! But eventually, we come to a place where the fight is over.

 The fight is over. I don’t need to fight anymore.

I am reminded of David, in the Bible, when he prayed and fasted, and begged the Lord to save the life of his sick baby. But the baby died, so David got up, cleaned himself up, and ate. There was no need to fight anymore. No amount of begging could bring the baby back.

Just as any soldier returning from battle, or wife who held down the fort in his absence must fight, there comes a time to move on.

Sometimes it takes a while to suck that adrenaline back in and remember how to just enjoy your blessings, to put down your sword, stop getting your feelings hurt, stop being on guard all the time.

I have come to that place in life, for the time being. My life is not a battle, and yet, I recently noticed that I am still grinding my teeth and coming unglued.

It’s time to stop that. It’s time to be thankful. It’s time to calm myself down so that I can be a better blessing to others.

I don’t want to be known for “crazy stressed.” I want to be the lady that sits on the front porch watching Daniel ride his bike. I want to be the lady that isn’t too busy with my own problems to make a meal for the sick. (I’m not there yet, but that’s the goal here.) I want to be known for peace in the midst of this wild world.

God is trustworthy. If I pour my heart out to Him in prayer, He will give me what I need. He can fight our battles for us.

“Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.'”  2 Chronicles 20:15

“And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.”   2 Timothy 2:24

12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.     Ephesians 6:12-13

And be ye thankful!!! For the battle is not ours, but the Lord’s!

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