hahaha! What does it say about how much I did not love summer this year that I’m blogging a whole series on “recovering from summer.”

I feel like I should explain that it has more to do with moving this summer and leaving so much undone and waiting for “after the kids start school.” But really, is there ever an end to projects?

Plus, I spent a large amount of time outside this year, and I want to whine about how hot it was. I’m a fall person, I can’t help it. I AM SO READY FOR FALL!!!!

Lately there has been a little more time during the day for me to be alone with my thoughts. Not only that, but as I’ve been talking with my friends, I’ve been listening to the words that I’m saying. With the boys at school all day, I have time to reflect on what I’m hearing and saying.

I realized as I was talking the other day that I actually believed that I’m not good at anything at all. 

So much happened in the 4 years we were gone from this place. They weren’t bad years, but they were growing-up, maturing kind of years. Actually, just moving 3 times in 4 years was tough, and that’s not even the part that I focus on most. It feels like I walked about a billion miles to get from there to here, and my body wants to sit down and soak in a bath and just process it all.

Life brought challenges, new tasks, hardships we’ve had to see the boys through, and relationships that changed how I interact with others.

Both difficult and wonderful things have happened, and I internalized so much of it in a negative way. I let it bring me low, not humbled, but defeated and rather sad.

You, my blog readers, are also my friends, so I want to share a little of what I’ve been dealing with. Maybe you can relate.

There were several things I felt like I failed at, then there was the heart scare, the not being allowed to exercise, the weight gain, a difficult person I had trouble with, seeing my parents deal with the fire, the constant moving, and maybe I didn’t handle it all that well. I tried to act like I did.

Low Self-Esteem

My self-esteem became ridiculously low. You might actually call it an inferiority complex. The things I have been saying to myself were HORRIBLE. These are lies I’ve believed.

“You are an inadequate housekeeper.”

“You’re not good at anything.”

“You’re so chubby.”

“Alan doesn’t approve of me.” (These are lies. All of them.)

“Everyone hates your blog. Stop writing it.”

“You were pretty when you were young. Now you’re ugly.”

“You’re annoying. Don’t talk so much.”

“Your views are controversial. Don’t tell people what you really think.”

“No one would hire you even if you tried to get a job. You have no skills.”

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

What to do about low self-esteem

I’m no expert here, but I think the first step is realizing that this is a problem. It’s not a little problem. Living defeated is a BIG BAD DEAL when it’s stopping you from fulfilling your purpose.

I heard people talk about a book called “Girl, Wash Your Face.” (I make like 12 cents a copy if you buy it through that link. lol) I haven’t actually read the book, but the statement made sense to me because in the practical sense, I often skip washing my face in the interest of accomplishing something I deem more important. In the applicable sense, you can tell from the title alone that this is a “Get back up!” sort of message.

You know I love YouTube. So I went there, and I typed “girl, wash your face” in the YouTube search bar. A long list of videos by Rachel Hollis popped up. I watched a random video about finishing the year strong. I don’t even know which one it was.

She kept talking about how she tells herself things like, “You are super fit.” or something like that.

That got me thinking to the crap I’ve been telling myself, just horrible lies I’m believing about myself, rather than believing anything GOOD about who I am and what I can do.

I was in my kitchen, baking cookies for the kids, and I realized, “I have to make a list! A list of how to fix this and a list of POSITIVE thoughts about myself.”

List #1

Healing Self-Esteem Issues

1. Pray about this.
2. Ask God why you have this problem.
3. Identify how you have been dishonest with yourself.
4. What lies or unimportant truths are you listening to?
5. Make a list of what makes you valuable & what you do well.
6. Tell yourself new truths to replace the lies.

I made this list for myself through tears of determination. Yes! Why have I been stumbling? “Who am I?”

What have I been doing? How did I allow myself to come to this place?

It’s OKAY to be sad. I might even still feel sad for whatever reason, but believing evil lies about yourself is helping no one.

You are of high value!!!

List #2

The Confidence List

On this page, I wrote only solid, positive truths about myself.

Things like this:

“I make delicious no bake cookies.”

“God greatly loves me.”

“My children adore me.”

“Alan thinks I’m pretty.”

“I have courage.”

“I am not fake.”

“I put myself through college in 3 1/2 years.” (Answered prayers!!)

“I share my lessons with others on my blog.”

And I actually wrote way, way more than that. I wanted to pass these ideas along to you, in case you need to make those lists too.

After I made these lists, I also sat down with Alan and discussed this struggle with him, so he could understand what’s going on inside my head and my heart.

Life is tough, but we don’t have to believe the lies. We CAN live victoriously.

I firmly believe there are both good and evil forces in this world. God wants only what’s good for you, and the devil knows that the worse you feel about yourself, the less likely you are to do anything bold and beautiful for others. He wants us cowering in a corner, but that is not what we are built for.

I know I can’t overcome my low self-esteem in one weekend, but by golly we can forge ahead, right? I hope you’ll make your confidence list too!

Is this something you’ve dealt with? Tell us in the comments section how you rise above it.

The post Day 2: Tackling Low Self Esteem with Truth and List Making appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.