I am certainly no expert in this field. I don’t know about you, but I have three teenagers and need all the help I can get. Whether your teenager identifies as “anxious” or not, chances are they will have times where they absolutely are anxious. I think it’s unavoidable.

Our mental health expert is here to provide us with tips on how we can help our teenagers.

The teenage years can be some of the best and the most testing times of your life.

This is the time of gaining independence and self-discovery. It is the time to explore platonic relationships and consider what you want to be, and who you want to be with. Teenagers are often looking for a place at school, in their homes, and the world as a whole.

This is also the most confusing time for a teen to learn more about their bodies, life, and the world. Parents often find it hard to communicate with teens about anything, and when teens start hiding their anxiety, it could become even more difficult to tackle the situation. 

It is not possible to force teens to tell us what is wrong even when we can see them struggle.

You might hear them complain about physical ailments, or some refuse to go to school and even have emotional meltdowns due to little stress. There could be many reasons behind them not admitting what they are going through inside.

Even your anxiety and fears could become a barrier to communication.

This is why you must ensure that you are not too angry or emotional as your teen will not talk to you and this could alienate them. 

It is also possible that you are at a loss for words after you discuss or demand them to tell you what is wrong. You must remember that your little one is growing up and they are no longer a child. There will be times when you won’t know what to say to them, but you need to have a balance of support, comfort, and even action that can help communicate with your teenager. 

Anxious teens are different from anxious kids

Parents need to remember that an anxious teen is very different from an anxious child. As kids, children tend to worry about monsters, or the dark or dinosaurs. But as they grow up, they start worrying about themselves. They might be worried that they do not look cool enough, or they are not doing well in school, or they could be worried about what people think of them.

As they grow, they also start to worry about their bodies, and many teens struggle for years. If their anxiety is not addressed on time, it could get worse. Panic attacks and social anxiety are two things that usually start in the teenage years, and you will see kids who were never anxious suddenly become very self-conscious and anxious as teens. 

There are no specific symptoms you can identify since they vary from one to another. It can also become hard to notice anxiety since teenagers are good at hiding their feelings, and many like to avoid things. But pushing it under the carpet will not help. Anxiety doesn’t go away like that, and some also start a habit of alcohol or marijuana to feel less anxious, but they become highly dependent on it.

If you avoid it for too long, it can lead to depression too. Treating teen mental health issues is possible and as a parent, if you are worried about your anxious teenager, here are three different ways you can try talking to them so that they listen.

Here’s how you can help.

Empathize

Your child is no longer five, and as a teen, they want to be independent, validated, and understood. They are navigating different aspects of life, and it isn’t easy for them. Whenever your teen tells you something illogical or seems strange, do not lash out at them.

Take a deep breath and try putting yourself in their shoes. Show them that you get it. Show them that you heard what they said, and you are there to discuss more. Do not give advice straightaway but use encouraging words and ask them why they are feeling a certain way. Talking with your teen on this topic will need patience. You must never judge them or make them feel that their emotions do not matter. 

Relate

The best way to connect with your teen is to relate your experiences. They will feel more understood if you can talk about the similar experiences you went through. Talk about your insecurity, your challenges, and what you went through in high school. Make them understand that their feelings are normal, and every teenager has some form of insecurity.

Teens often look at us as people who will never understand their situation, but you must prove them wrong. You need to humanize yourself and keep the doors of communication open. If you don’t, they will shut off completely and look for different ways to cope with the situation.

Ask

If you know your teenager is anxious, you must make it a point to check in on them regularly. Look out for symptoms and always keep the conversations open. Whenever you hear something alarming, be calm. If you react emotionally, it could scare your teen, and they might stop sharing things with you. Whenever they talk to you, have an open conversation, and comfort them. Reassure them that you will figure it out together, and if you feel that their anxiety is unmanageable, you might want to seek professional help. 

Seek help

Normalize taking help for anxiety and ensure that there is no shame attached to it. Look for a therapist who can handle anxiety in teenagers and talk to your teen about how therapy works. Ensure that they are comfortable with the step you are taking, and do not force them until they are ready.

Assure them that it will work for their good and visiting a therapist does not mean that they are crazy. The right therapist will help them get to the root of the cause and could also improve the communication gap. 

Tackling anxiety in teens is easier said than done, but as a parent, you must give them complete support and always allow open communication. 

The post Tips for Talking to an Anxious Teenager appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

I am taking a break upstairs, listening to Alan’s surprised voice downstairs saying, “Y’all already ate that sherbet!!??” It truly is eat or be eaten around here. Food has a short shelf life.

School is going better though! Therefore, my stress level has decreased. Monday all the boys’ work was due to be turned in by 12pm, and we had most of it turned in on Friday afternoon. New assignments were not released until today, some of them not even until 12pm today, so it was two light days in a row. We do most of our work in the late morning anyway, so what isn’t done by two o’clock is not getting done until the next day.

A nice relaxing activity that we are doing to close out our school day is gathering in the living room to read together.

Now that the teachers have the academic stuff covered, we are back to reading through the Little House on the Prairie series. We are on the fifth book, By the Shores of Silver Lake. Today we read through the chapters where Jack the bulldog dies and Ma and the four girls ride the train to their new town in the Dakotas, and it had me in tears.

Then I spent the afternoon editing thirty-six minutes of video footage created by our nine-year-old. The video was hilarious, though not always on purpose. There was a great deal of film dedicated to the floor and ceiling of our house.

Ah, the quarantine life.

Friday, May 1 (Week 7) The Anxiety Week

We are all alive. No one here is sick, but we are not always okay.

I am far too stress ball for this. You know how I felt about home school if you have followed me long. “Never again,” I vowed, “Never again.”

And yet, here we are. The whole world is home schooling our kids. They say it is not really like regular home-schooling. Instead, they say this is actually crisis schooling. Oh boy, they are right. (“They” would be the writers on the internet with far more readers than yours truly.) This is definitely a crisis, and you know who is not the cool, calm person you want by your side in a crisis? Me.

It’s true. I am a panicker.

Google says that panicker isn’t even a word, but it should be. I can assure you being a panicker is a very real thing. Perhaps, the grammar experts would rather I say that I am a worrier, or something, but those are not accurate statements. I lose zero sleep worrying, but I flip out easily in the privacy of my own home. Over reactor is probably the best word for me.

Ever heard of Generalized Anxiety Disorder? It runs rampantly through my veins, but not in the way you might think. I am not a fearful person or a germaphobe, and I don’t think up strange new things to worry about either. But I do flip out when I feel like I’m failing. I go into full panic attack, and truly I spin completely out of control.

“You can’t find your writing notebook? Why? Is it not in your box? No?”

I’m already feeling edgy from a morning of managing the kids and their schooling. My child doesn’t care that this essential school supply is missing, and yet I go into whining mode. Feeling highly irritated because I would rather be doing so many other things, but I am so uptight that I am determined to find the missing notebook. I search each room we use for school. There is no sign of the notebook. Ugh.

Meanwhile, another boy doesn’t understand the directions on his assignment and needs me to explain.

Simultaneously, my sixth grade boy is finished with all of his work and wants to know if he can go play Minecraft.

Oh, but don’t forget the third boy. He is patiently waiting for me to come back because I promised I would help him with his social studies chart.

And there goes my brain, all overwhelmed and panicking, exploding all over the place.

I scold myself, “Why? Why can’t I be a cooler person?? This is all freaking me out way more that it should. How do other people juggle multiple problems at once? I’ve had children for fourteen years now. Shouldn’t I be a better parent by now?”

The boys end up being the ones comforting me. “It’s okay, Mom.” They sweetly pat me on the back.

I finally give up on finding the notebook, as all the frustrated energy is drained from me. I dig a different notebook out for J.D. to use. Some of the boys will just have to wait. Dan and I work our way through the social studies chart. I send Caleb downstairs to watch t.v. until I am ready to handle questions.

And when the day’s school work is done, I don’t feel accomplished that we finished all our week’s work a day ahead of schedule. Instead, I feel guilty and disappointed in myself for basically crying over spilled milk and not setting a better example of how to handle problems.

Did I pray and meditate on God’s word this morning, to set the tone for a good day?

Yes, yes I did, most faithfully, but sometimes that isn’t enough. In the heat of moments when you feel like chucking a computer through a window, having prayed and read God’s word three hours ago does not save you from feeling out of control. At that moment, I’m not walking in the spirit. I’m letting new problems and anxiety get the best of me, but don’t worry. I didn’t actually throw the computer out the window. I do show some restraint.

It was exactly like this four years ago when we tried home-schooling last time. Back then I had to learn to stop in my tracks when I would begin to feel frantic or angry . Sometimes, I would even have to physically remove myself from the situation, drop everything, and beg God for help at that very moment. I have to walk away, maybe even step outside and breathe some fresh air, and regain my senses before I can return to handle the chaotic situations where it feels like everything is going wrong with a restored heart and mind.

Getting enough sleep is important too in times like these. Your ability to cope is slashed in half when you are tired. Taking time to sit on my porch is strangely beneficial to me. I love watching the birds or drawing on the sidewalk. Normally, I love taking walks, but while my feet are injured I have to settle for front porch sittin’, which is surprisingly restorative.

I often wonder if any other moms have as hard a time with computer school as I do. We are all different. I’m sure there are some moms who love doing school this way, but it’s hard for me. It’s not the kids’ fault either. They have been very sweet and cooperative, but managing people is still like wearing a porcupine bra to me. It is definitely not my talent.

But it’s not good to dwell on one’s shortcomings for long.

Dwelling on the negative is a detrimental thing to do. So I’ll get back up, dust myself off, drink a little coffee, finish my blog, and finish up my dinner preparations. We are having BBQ chicken and mashed potatoes tonight. That’s a meal most everyone will eat. Life goes on, and with God’s help, we will do better tomorrow. Alan is in the kitchen now, teaching Joshua how to make instant mashed potatoes. See, it can be a good day after all.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11: 28-30

The post Weeks 6 and 7: Sometimes I am not okay. appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

This past week I stopped every few days to jot down a paragraph or two of how quarantine was going for us. I had no idea it was going to be such a challenging week, thanks to the addition of virtual schooling. Our school only involves a little of the classroom videos. It is mostly, “Go to this website, click on the list, click on the links, do the problems. Take the quiz at the end. Create a brochure about it.” But with all four of them going at the same time, that is twenty-four classes I am overseeing at once, and it is a heart attack waiting to happen. I have been extremely dutiful in taking my beta blockers.

This week took me from restfully joyful to crying for help. I can be a lot dramatic.

Friday, April 10

We are enjoying our 3 day spring break. I let the boys go straight to video games this morning. They were required to eat, brush teeth, and do chores first. I mean, even we have standards. Then I dove into my baking. A friend’s precious one-year-old just got out of the hospital, so I wanted to send them a little food. That was a major prayer praise. So many of us have been praying for Parker for weeks, and I know her parents are emotionally stripped. Other than that, no big plans today except to work on healing my feet, getting some exercise, playing with the kids, and writing.

Monday, April 13th ……..Okay, I admit it. I love sheltering in place. This is fun to me.

I am still oddly enjoying the shelter in place situation. We are saving money and spending tons of time together. I have way more access to Alan than I normally do with him working at home, and all the stuff is cancelled. I find it very hard to muster up disappointment about everything being cancelled. That probably does not say good things about me. As a shy person in a new place, leaving the house is still intimidating, but those are part of my own issues. I use withdrawal to cope with stress. The coronavirus pandemic is feeding my coping strategy…which makes me far more mentally healthy at the moment than the poor, poor extroverts. However, eventually this will end, and I will be a little closer to where I was when I started out about a year ago at putting down new roots here.

We have some friends now though. We are going to be okay. I feel so optimistic. Of course, that may be because it is my boys’ three day spring break today, so I have virtual school management off my plate for a few days. That is Wednesday’s problem. We will worry about that on Wednesday and not until then!

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,

Romans 3:23-24ESV

Thursday, April 16th

Another day, another colossal meltdown. I have not handled this well. The children have been very good this year at our home school. They have not given me the problems that they did when they were younger. Instead, they genuinely care and want to do a good job.

My problem was learning how to use all the technology and help four people with that at once. There is a learning curve. It has been nothing short of an Olympic obstacle course. I get one boy signed into something and explain the directions, and before I am done, there is another boy, “Mom, I am finished. I have done everything. Can I play Minecraft now?”

Okay, only J.D. does that, but still. Usually I get halfway through explaining something, and then the screen disappears. Huh?? Where’d it go? I was going to show you…Grrrr

“Hey, Mom! What is it talking about ‘graphic organizer’? Do I have to do it? Where is it?”

I give up on finding the screen that disappeared and start all over to open a new document. Put in the username. Add in the password. Select this, select that. Now here we are again. Be very careful not to make a swipe motion on this computer because I don’t know how to use this new one, and I cannot figure out where it swipes it to…

We shelled out the big bucks to buy a new computer to get us through virtual school. It is a PC when I have been using MacBooks for nine years, so I am not as good at using it. In fact, I am so bad I cannot even find my email. There’s the whole Outlook thing.

“Mom! What does it mean? I don’t understand.” Another boy, another problem.

Most teachers post all the assignments on ItsLearning for us, but there are a few who use an off-site text book, and you have to know all those links and codes for that.

“Oh, yeah, let me check my email. She sent an email with the link. Where did I put my phone?”

“Daniel, why are you watching videos on YouTube about the nervous system? Did you even do your art? No? You know what, go ahead. That is a really good science video.”

Well, you get the idea.

I have hope though. Why? I have hope because we are learning how to use these programs, and you know what? You never have to do a thing for the first time more than once. This week is our first week. Next week is not. We will have a clue because of learning through experience, and we will be praying quarantine ends soon now along with all the extroverts. I was loving it when we didn’t have to do computer school. Now I am in the boat with the people ready to be done.

Friday, April 17, 2020

Sweet relief. Today was better. It was oh so much better. I put on mascara this morning, and I told Alan, who was probably on a phone call in my room, and I should not have been bothering him really, “I AM putting on this mascara because I am determined not to cry today.”

And I didn’t! Hurray! We even had one class that we could not get into, thanks to random technology weirdness. This particular teacher sent me the user help desk number to the platform company and said that my boy has to do this particular assignment. Haaaahahahaha! Yeah, I am going to spend my Friday talking to a tech company fully knowing it will probably work just fine tomorrow or even later today. Yeah, no. Missing one lesson of math is not worth the long phone call. Thanks. The website worked yesterday and the day before. It will work tomorrow.

Choosing to move on from petty problems when there are other problems to be dealt with of equal importance is a valuable skill. It’s like getting hung up on math question #5 when you have a test of 30 problems to solve. Not today, Pearson EasyBridge. I will deal with you another day.

Believe it or not, other than that one math lesson, all four boys managed to finish all their work. It would not have been quite so insurmountable if I had not made an error on my calendar. I have a tendency to think I have my calendar memorized.

“Oh, we get three days for spring break.”

No.

They actually had only Friday and Monday, so there was me on Wednesday, cramming four days of work into three. Haha! Oopsie…

And so quarantine week five ends. There were tears, and there were fits, and the children were a little stressed too. hehehe But it’s done. Week 5 of quarantine/week 1 of computer school is done, and there will never be a weekend I will be more grateful for than this one right here, even if it does rain all weekend.

Happy sheltering in place! I am off to make french toast.

The post Quarantine Week 5, Computer School Week 1: It’s like patience training. appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Day 7: Stop Worrying About Imaginary Problems

This story is long, so I decided to spice it up with a Snapchat enhanced video instead.

To fully understand this post, you really have to watch the video.

I failed to mention in the video that I’m an abundant sweater. Yep. Those weren’t just armpits. Those were sweaty armpits.

So yeah…here’s what’s been going on with me lately:

https://youtu.be/BqoDTrFz8do

It’s so important not to dwell on problems that may not even exist. You know? And even if they did find something on the MRI, we will deal with that. I will do whatever it takes to be here for the people who need me.

But the fact is, when the results come back and they are normal, what a shame it will be to have wasted all this time stressing over a problem I don’t even have.

Now you know you’ve done it before too. These are imaginary problems. Do I have actual things I SHOULD be dealing with?

Yes, I do.

I SHOULD be cleaning house, finding Daniel’s blue jeans, looking for my fall decor stuff before fall ends. Where did I put those???? (Moving problems..)

But that’s not any fun. I want to sit here and scour the internet for information on this rare disease that I have a few symptoms of…

Wait. Why??? Is that actually any more fun than making a wreck of the storage room trying to find my cute fake pumpkins???

Well, it does take less energy..

Don’t do it, y’all. Give imaginary problems not 2 seconds of your day. We all have real things to address. And if that means tearing into the storage room or house cleaning for you, check out the happy cleaning music playlist I made. I’ve been adding songs to it. You can find that here.

It’s funny how we know worrying is a bad idea. And God tells us in the Bible over and over again not to be anxious, to trust Him, to cast our worries on him. Yet we worry anyway. I have to admit, I almost felt like I was indulging myself in worrying about this stupid MRI. Isn’t that crazy??

Let’s not do crazy today. Let’s do peace! Thanks for reading, y’all.

The post Day 7: Stop Worrying About Imaginary Problems appeared first on Stories of Our Boys.

Don’t worry. This scary gang of boys– no idea who they are–was taken at home, not at school. 😉

I should be asleep, so I will make this quick! I know my parents and Alan’s parents, are waiting to hear how the first day went. I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging!

Everything went well. Alan asked me, “Did you make some friends?”

I looked at him blankly. (Actually, I think I did make friends.) I said, “Alan, have you ever gone to a sporting event where you knew very little about the sport, and you had never ever actually seen it played? Well, that was what today was like. I had to spend all my energy focusing on what was coming next, and finding my way around.” I was so busy getting my footing that I didn’t really do a whole lot of talking.

First, when I pulled up, I saw lots of parents and little kids with book bags, so I thought, “Oh perfect. I’m early.” However, as the boys started loading out of the van, I noticed that all the other kids were no bigger than Daniel.  Hmmmm.

That’s when I realized I had apparently pulled into the church’s preschool drop off area. Oops.

I loaded JD into his stroller and trekked around the parking lot until we spotted someone familiar going up the stairs. Oh. Stairs. A stroller’s worst enemy. All the big boys had to grab a part of the stroller, and we heaved it up. What would I do without my big boys?

I managed the nursery payments and still made it to the large assembly in time. Phew! Shout out to Alan for that. He happened to have a Physics test today, so he was able to be home later this morning and help out. All bets are off on how timely my arrival will be next week, without Alan’s help.

Class time went extremely smoothly. I really like both boys’ tutors. I ended up going to Joshua’s class, as it was the shortest on parent helpers. They actually do need the helpers, as we split up to even smaller groups for review time. Plus Joshua was the most nervous, so I’m glad I was able to be there for him.

It was a funny thing with Joshua. It would look like he wasn’t listening at all, but then it would turn out that he usually was when I asked him a question. He’s a very quick learner. If anyone has any ideas on how to strengthen active listening skills, please share!!

Caleb was so happy about getting to do presentations. He took his soccer trophies.  That made me feel like a dirt bag for missing soccer sign up this fall, but I didn’t tell him that, of course.

Amy, you’ll have to tell Xavier that Joshua took his Yugioh cards for his presentation.

Even John David managed to stay in the nursery and did not cry, once I left. That was a big victory.

Lunch time was stressful because Joshua raced off with all the kids his age, into a thicket of trees. Don’t worry. The thicket is in the parking lot. They weren’t getting far. I just couldn’t find an angle to see him from, but as I was leaving I found the top of the hill, where you can see perfectly. From now on, that’s my spot. For today, I never saw Joshua once during lunch. That boy was just soooo happy to be part of a big group of kids, playing hard again.

Caleb had fun playing with the kids too, but Caleb comes and checks in periodically, which makes it so much easier!

What are we learning about? Well, each week it’s a new set of memory work for each subject. Plus, we do a science experiment and a fine art lesson. This quarter is on drawing.

I took a photo of this week’s work. Of course, the 1st week is the easiest week. I’m excited to learn Latin!!

The stuff in green is what we’ll be memorizing this week for CC.

Do you see those cards at the bottom? Those are our timeline cards. This week we’re focusing on Creation to the Minoans and the Mycenaeans. There’s this 14 minute long song that goes along with this, as the timeline goes all the way to present day, and it is one of the catchiest songs ever. We’re all walking around the house singing it.

One hilarious quote from today, that had nothing to do with school:

Joshua was talking about super powers, which led him to telling me that I should pray for the super power to do a whole lot of things at one time, since I’m always saying, “Everyone wait. I can’t help you all at once.”

Then he said….this is the cute part…..”But you can’t just go to bed with a sword under your pillow and wake up to be a Samurai, because that’s just not how prayer works, really, but unless God….maybe it COULD happen…”

Oh, boys…you just gotta love ’em.

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